Tuesday was my acupuncture appointment..finally. Last week I had to cancel my appointment because I was too busy at work with meetings and audit stuff. I told Mikie last weekend I could tell a difference in my stress levels from missing one appointment. I can't believe I actually made that statement. I never imagined missing anything that involves needles. HA! Since I've started acupuncture I can tell a big difference in my stress levels. I still stress out about a few things but I don't let the stress take over me. I was excited to see Chris and tell him all about my embryo results. He was so excited to hear the great numbers and to hear about my transfer date. He made all the notes in my account and I asked him a few additional questions. I read a lot about IVF and I asked him his personal opinion on some questions. I received the best response "Victoria I see a lot of patients from different clinics and your clinic has the best/highest success rates. I would do whatever Dr. Kim suggest." I felt so relieved after hearing him say that. I love hearing great reviews about my clinic. I know that we haven't been successful yet but I don't blame my clinic or doctor. Its frustrating and you want to blame them but I know its not their fault. I'm doing everything I can different this time to help make things work. Chris asked me if I was excited. I said "I'm excited, scared, and nervous. I don't want to be a Debbie downer but I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm keeping my emotions as level as possible." He said "It is the best to keep your emotions level. I really have a lot of faith that its going to work this time." I agreed with his statement. I have a ton of faith that this will be our time. He stuck in all the needles in and left the room. I immediately fell asleep...it was the best cat nap ever. After the session was done I went to speak with receptionist to make more appointments. Chris wants to see me 24 hours before transfer and 4-5 days after the transfer. I cant believe we are only two weeks away from transfer! :)
My mind has been running 90 to nothing all last week and this weekend. My husband is owner/ partners for three businesses and we had to work on taxes to get all the 1099's ready to send out. I'm a finance lady but I absolutely hate taxes. Ever since last week I've had trouble falling asleep. I'm completely exhausted during the day but I cannot unwind at night to fall asleep. I've been extremely exhausted...plus I never slow down. I'm either working, cleaning, shopping, or hanging out with family and friends. I've never been the type of person who can lay around on the couch and just relax...I wish I could but I've never been like that. I started my medication on Saturday and I know that has a toll on my tiredness.
Today we had our weekly check up to see how my lining is doing. When you do a frozen embryo transfer you have to take medicine to build up your uterus lining. It gives the embryo a place to attach. I got my blood work done and then went into the room for the ultrasound. Dr. Kim came in and was so happy when he saw my lining. He said it looked great. I've never had any problems with my lining. We began talking about everything. He said I'm still on schedule for February 12th!! Woo hoo!! The one thing I've learned with IVF is never get your mind set on a date because it can change. Well today we confirmed that date and I'm so excited. He wanted to make sure that date worked for us. He is scheduled to do all his procedures on Thursdays but was willing to do any day of the week if we wanted a different day. He is doing anything and everything possible to make us feel at ease. I'm telling you he is more than a doctor to us. He will forever be apart of our lives. One thing we discussed today was the bedrest situation. I wanted to know the research behind it, etc. He told me all clinics are different. Their procedure is bedrest for 3 days. I asked him if I had to lay down flat the whole time. I swear the last three times killed me. I hate being lazy and I hate lying down all day....plus it hurts my back. He told me I could get up and get a drink or walk a little bit but no house chores. They don't want your blood pressure going up, your heart rate going up, or your body sweating. We talked about how I lay in bed and work on my lap top for work. He said absolutely not during those three days. I didn't realize that your lap puts off some radiation or whatever it's called and that it's not healthy to put the lap top on your body. He said you really need to use a lap top pillow if you lay in bed. After all the serious talk we began talking about vacations. Mikie wanted to take me on a small little vacation before the transfer. I told him that I just wasn't up for it. Dr. Kim and him began talking about places, drinks, etc. He started teasing Mikie about some stuff and we all started laughing. I told Mikie they enjoy picking on him and he said they can pick all they want as long as they help us get pregnant. Lol. We always leave the doctor laughing and joking. We've really learned how to enjoy the ride down our journey and to be positive.
One thing I've noticed is how many women who come to appointments alone. I'm so blessed that my husband works for himself and can take the time to go to all my appointments. I'm also so blessed to have such an amazing man who wants to be right by my side through it all. He never wants me to have to do anything by myself during this journey. He is truly the best teammate ever. I know I've said it before but I really couldn't imagine this journey with anyone else. He is my number one supporter, my rock, my soul mate, and partner in crime. I'm spoiled rotten with his love and attention. I can't wait to watch him be a father.
Tomorrow I'm going with my best friend to her 4d ultrasound. I'm so excited to see my nephew on that screen. Its going to be an amazing/emotional morning. She has already told me to be prepared to see her cry and I told her me too. All of these hormones have me emotional over the smallest things. Anything sad on tv, a dead animal on the side of the road, etc. People are shocked when they hear me talk about friends who are pregnant. I can honestly say that it doesn't bother me. I don't have a problem hearing about people getting pregnant. I see it all the time on facebook. I'm happy for those who can reproduce so easily. I know in my heart that my day will come. I feel like we all are chosen to go through battles for a reason. For us, I feel like this is our road because we needed a lesson in life on how to appreciate our kids. We both work long hours and sometimes we choose our jobs over things we shouldn't. I believe that after this journey we will have a different out look. Mikie tells me all the time the things he is going to different when we have our miracle baby. It really opens your eyes about family and how important family is. A job is important to pay bills and make a living but family should always come first.
Earlier this week I found out that my friends IVF procedure didn't work. The pregnancy test was a negative. I was sad all day long and I would find myself tearing up. I knew the pain she was feeling way too well. I felt like I was reliving the past again. It really got me worried about our transfer. I thought to myself "I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know if I can handle this emotionally." Then something snapped in me and I thought "I've come way too far to give up. I'm leaning on faith more now than I ever have and I will be okay." Don't get me wrong I'm scared, nervous, and excited. But I know whatever the outcome, God has a plan and his plan is bigger and better than any I've imagined. I'm so happy to say that my friend isn't giving up. She is going to try again. I pray that her time is right around the corner.
Well we are 13 days away from transfer!!! I go back to the doctor next Friday. I will find out then what day I start the progesterone injections. Ahhh.. its getting closer to needle time again. Lol. I will start progesterone injections 6 or 7 days before transfer. I will start the blood thinner injections the day of transfer. It will be here before we know it. Please keep us in your prayers and keep your fingers crossed for us.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Friday, January 23, 2015
A Roller Coaster of Emotions
Today I had a checkup with doctor to do blood work and ultrasound. I recently colored my hair (for the 100th time) and all the nurses were commenting on my hair. The simple compliment lead to us laughing about all sorts of stuff. My husband is in love with blonde hair. He doesn't care too much for any other color but has adjusted to my many colors. Last year I decided to color my hair because it would be easier to maintain when I got pregnant. I didn't want to bleach my hair while being pregnant and I was ready for a change. Well I went from a light brown, to dark brown, to red, and now to another color. It doesn't help that my best friend is a hair stylist and we always come up with a new color to try on my hair. Anyways, the nurses were teasing my husband about that and other stuff and we all were laughing. They love teasing him. After all the laughs it was time to go into the room to do the ultrasound. The doctor came in and I began asking him a million questions. We talked about the different reasons why we lost the three embryos in the chromosome testing. It was nothing that we passed down from or genetic history or anything. It was all the same reasons why a lot of other couples lose their embryos during chromosome testing. We talked about Mikie being a girl producing machine. The first time we did this we ended up with 7 girls and 3 boys. We still have 4 girls left over from the first time and now we have an additional 3 girls and 1 boy. I also talked to the doctor about my Estrogen level. I follow a bunch of different IVF facebook pages and websites. I've noticed that a lot of people talk about how high their Estrogen levels get with injections. My level never reached 3000. I asked the doctor today if that was normal. He commented about how observant I am and explained the different reasons why mine doesn't. It is really frustrating with IVF because there is so much unknown science to the whole journey. Mikie gets a little frustrated when we ask questions and the doctor doesn't have a straight answer. I explained to him today that there is no straight forward answer to the questions we ask. Each person's body reacts differently to stuff and really the doctors are playing God. God is the only one who truly understands how the magic is done to create these embryos and what all it takes. While it is exciting that we have these scientist that can help create these miracles, they will never know everything about the process. It is pretty much impossible. During this doctors visit we spent about an hour between signing papers, blood work, and speaking with the doctor. We are normally in and out of there but I had a ton of questions. I'm sure I really make his brain work in the morning with all my questions. I just read a ton about IVF and I follow so many other couples and I get curious. I've learned more about the way a baby is made than I ever imagined learning. I'm sure you've even thought to yourself while reading my blog that you have too. Science is amazing and I thank God every day that we have scientist that can help us have a miracle baby. After speaking with the doctor we went out to talk to the nurse. She confirmed all the medication was ordered and that if my blood work came back good then I would start on medication tomorrow. I asked her if I start on medication tomorrow then when will my transfer be. She told me that it would be on Thursday, February 12th!!!! Well blood work came back and everything is good to go. I start on my medication tomorrow. No needles right now just a few pills to take. I'm allergic to the patch that most women are put on so I only take the Estrogen pills. This go around I have to take a low dose of aspirin everyday as well. Holy Cow.......in 3 weeks we will be transferring two embryos. We will find out results two days after Mikie's birthday and two days before my best friend's baby shower that I'm cohosting. I'm a roller coaster of emotions.....I don't know what to feel. I'm excited, nervous, happy, scared, etc. I was so excited when we left and called my best friend to tell her the news. She started to feel all the same emotions for me and I was so involved with our conversation that I didn't realize I was speeding. I got pulled over today and received my first speeding ticket in over 10 years!!!!! I couldn't believe it but you know I wasn't even mad. It was my fault for speeding and the state trooper was only doing his job.
Well it looks like February 12th is going to be the BIG day!!!! :) And then February 26th will be the pregnancy result day which is another BIG day! I'm a roller coaster of emotions but I'm really keeping my faith. I don't want to be too excited, I don't want to be a Debbie downer, but I'm leaning on my faith to keep my emotions level. I really think this is our time. If it is our time then we will meet our bundle of joy in October! Please keep your prayers coming....they mean so much to Mikie and I both. We could never thank all of you enough for the support. We have had so many people reach out to us...from strangers, family, old friends, new friends, etc. I believe this blog has helped keep our faith strong and been a good therapy for myself to not keep everything bottled up. I spoke about our experiences in the past with friends when we were going through it but its not the same as blogging. I really can write out all the things I feel and I can share with everyone. For those of you with fertility issues that are reading my blog....I hope I'm giving you that extra strength to keep pushing on. Don't give up!!!
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Embryo Results are in.....
Well last week I was all upset because I was disappointed in our numbers but this week I'm happy. I've realized so much and praying about everything has helped too. We found out a couple of months ago that our company has been sold. We will soon be under new ownership. They just have to sign the closing papers in February. This week our new owner and his team came down for a finance meeting. I was stuck in the meeting all day Tuesday and Wednesday. They are finding out how we do things now and changing a few things. We had a dinner on Tuesday after the meeting as well. It was two long and exhausting days. It was so nice to meet the new owners though and It calmed my fears of losing my job. The new owner is so down to earth and nice. He confirmed that I had nothing to worry or stress about. Before I left work yesterday I went to talk to him about my IVF. The deal should be closing around the time we do our transfer. I wanted to see who I need to report to for days off and talk to him about how in the past I was able to work from home. He said don't worry about anything and you may work from home. Thank you, Jesus. It looks like I will be gaining another awesome boss. During the dinner I was talking with the new compliance guy. He opened up to me about how him and his wife were going through IVF. They are both carriers for a syndrome and have to do IVF with the chromosome testing to make sure they don't pass the syndrome to their child. They just went through the first cycle and only ended up with one embryo after all the testing. He told me how upset his wife was. It hit me...I was being very selfish last week about my number. I know people don't always end up with embryos but to his heart pour out and tell me his story really hit me. They are doing their first transfer Feb 10th which is around the time we will be doing ours. It was so nice to have that connection with each other. You really don't realize how many people have fertility issues until you speak out.
On Wednesday I missed a call from the doctors office and it was the nurse Lisa. She left a message saying to call the office. By the time I got the message the office had already closed. I sent a text to the other nurse and told her I got the message from Lisa was everything okay. She wrote back that my embryo results came in. I didn't want to ask her for results because I didn't know if she was allowed to. I wrote back and said Ok I will call the office in the morning. She sent a message back and asked if I wanted to know the results. I said heck yes can I call you. She called me and informed me.....We have 4 baby Fishers!!!!!!!! We have 3 girls and 1 boy!!! I was so excited to hear that. She told me she didn't know any other details to call in the morning. I called this morning and talked to Lisa. I found out that we actually ended up with 7 not 6 after the 5th day. Out of the 7 we lost 3 during the chromosome test. She told me what was wrong with the three in scientific terms but told me the doctor would have to explain in more detail. She said the issues were nothing serious and they were the normal issues all couples have. It made me feel good but out of the three we lost two of them were boys. Mikie and I have laughed about him being a girl baby making machine. I swear God put our little niece in our life for a reason. He never wanted a girl until we started keeping her. Now she is wrapped around his finger and now he thinks he would enjoy having a girl. She has taught us so much about ourselves, our parenting skills, and love. She lights up our life and brings so much joy to us. When our miracle baby does come, she will have a hard time with sharing. She already doesn't want to share her Mikie with me. ;)
Well this weekend I never started my period. It crazy that when you don't want to start you do and when you want to start you dont. Lol. I was stressing a little bit because I knew I had two mandatory meetings and the doctor wanted me in the day after I start my period. I prayed and asked God to wait until after my meetings. Well prayers were answered...I started today. I go into the doctor tomorrow morning for blood work. I will have blood work done and an ultrasound. If my levels look good then I will start on medicine to get ready for the transfer. I'm getting so excited. I know God has some awesome things in store for us. I hope this is Mikies best birthday ever!
Well I will update you all with my doctor visit tomorrow. Thank you for the continued prayers....they are working and everything is going just as planned.
On Wednesday I missed a call from the doctors office and it was the nurse Lisa. She left a message saying to call the office. By the time I got the message the office had already closed. I sent a text to the other nurse and told her I got the message from Lisa was everything okay. She wrote back that my embryo results came in. I didn't want to ask her for results because I didn't know if she was allowed to. I wrote back and said Ok I will call the office in the morning. She sent a message back and asked if I wanted to know the results. I said heck yes can I call you. She called me and informed me.....We have 4 baby Fishers!!!!!!!! We have 3 girls and 1 boy!!! I was so excited to hear that. She told me she didn't know any other details to call in the morning. I called this morning and talked to Lisa. I found out that we actually ended up with 7 not 6 after the 5th day. Out of the 7 we lost 3 during the chromosome test. She told me what was wrong with the three in scientific terms but told me the doctor would have to explain in more detail. She said the issues were nothing serious and they were the normal issues all couples have. It made me feel good but out of the three we lost two of them were boys. Mikie and I have laughed about him being a girl baby making machine. I swear God put our little niece in our life for a reason. He never wanted a girl until we started keeping her. Now she is wrapped around his finger and now he thinks he would enjoy having a girl. She has taught us so much about ourselves, our parenting skills, and love. She lights up our life and brings so much joy to us. When our miracle baby does come, she will have a hard time with sharing. She already doesn't want to share her Mikie with me. ;)
Well this weekend I never started my period. It crazy that when you don't want to start you do and when you want to start you dont. Lol. I was stressing a little bit because I knew I had two mandatory meetings and the doctor wanted me in the day after I start my period. I prayed and asked God to wait until after my meetings. Well prayers were answered...I started today. I go into the doctor tomorrow morning for blood work. I will have blood work done and an ultrasound. If my levels look good then I will start on medicine to get ready for the transfer. I'm getting so excited. I know God has some awesome things in store for us. I hope this is Mikies best birthday ever!
Well I will update you all with my doctor visit tomorrow. Thank you for the continued prayers....they are working and everything is going just as planned.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Our little fighters
Well today is the day that we were going to get the results of the embryos. I've got to admit that I was nervous all week. I literally prayed every day and Mikie kept noticing that I just wasn't myself this week. I had our baby embryos on my mind so hard but I didn't want to stress him. He has so much going on with his work that I didn't want to add to his stress. I tried to stay busy at work all day today. I kept leaving my office in the afternoon to do a few things and I gave my cell phone to another lady. I asked her to answer the phone if it said the doctors office. I was right outside the office looking in a file cabinet and she yelled my name. I ran into the office and answered my phone. I was shaking...
It was Vanessa and I could tell by her voice that she was nervous. She told me that out of 13 embryos we only had 6 survive. Once she got the news out she was fine. I think she was scared to tell me because she knew I would be disappointed. She told me that Dr. Kim was very pleased with our results. Once we talked about the embryos she told me to call the office when I start my period. I hung up the phone and had to fight back the tears. I was in total shock because the first time around we had so many survive. Now I have to stress how many will survive the chromosome testing. When I was on the phone with the nurse and I heard her tone of voice and it was a flash back to the mornings she would call to tell me that I wasn't pregnant. I began to text a few people and I got to the point where I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I went into the bathroom at work and just cried my heart out. Mikie didn't answer the phone and I sent him a text message. He called me a few minutes later and he was so worried about me. He told me how excited he was that we had 6. He always knows what exactly to say to me. I was shocked at how happy he was with the results because part of my pain was for him. He gets discouraged so easy with our fertility stuff and he always blames himself. I hate that he blames himself because even though the issue is with his sperm we are a team and we aren't pointing fingers. I know that there are couples who end up with no embryos and I know that it only takes one to get pregnant.....but after all that we've gone through it is just hard to realized we lost more than half of the embryos. And just like a friend who is a surrogate mother told me "Even though those embryos weren't really babies they were in a sense and you feel the lost." I was in too much of shock to ask the nurse the grade of the embryos. I sent her an email through the portal site and she called me back. She said they grade their embryos by Good, Fair, and poor. Out of our 6 baby Fishers we have 4 Good and 2 Fair. I was so excited to hear that. In the past I've prayed but I haven't had the faith to let God do his job. During this past week I've been listening to KSBJ (my friend who is also going through IVF really encouraged me to) and as you know I have a long commute to work. On the way to work I jam out and really talk to God. I've really asked him to keep giving me the strength to push through. I've really tried to lean on my faith instead of stressing myself out.
Today reality really hit me....I'm ready for our transfer but I don't know if I'm ready to face a failed transfer again. I'm staying positive and praying that God chooses one of this six embryos to be our baby.....but you still have to prepare for the worse. I do have to say that every time we've hit rock bottom I tell myself that we aren't going to give up. I don't care how much time or money it takes we are going to keep pushing through. Eventually though money runs out and your body can only handle so much. I'm asking all of you to pray for these embryos to be healthy and pass the chromosome test. We don't care what gender we end up with or how many we end up with as long as we get 1 Good quality. And just like my friend said as well "While science isn't 100% perfect it can still do some pretty amazing things" She is right and like we know God created those scientist and he can create miracles.
So now we wait for my cycle to start and wait for the embryos to come back from testing. I'm going to keep my head up high and remind myself that we only need one. Soon enough we will hopefully be holding our miracle baby in our arms....until then we will continue to pray. Again we appreciate all of your support and prayers. We have the best support system ever and biggest supporter up above!
It was Vanessa and I could tell by her voice that she was nervous. She told me that out of 13 embryos we only had 6 survive. Once she got the news out she was fine. I think she was scared to tell me because she knew I would be disappointed. She told me that Dr. Kim was very pleased with our results. Once we talked about the embryos she told me to call the office when I start my period. I hung up the phone and had to fight back the tears. I was in total shock because the first time around we had so many survive. Now I have to stress how many will survive the chromosome testing. When I was on the phone with the nurse and I heard her tone of voice and it was a flash back to the mornings she would call to tell me that I wasn't pregnant. I began to text a few people and I got to the point where I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I went into the bathroom at work and just cried my heart out. Mikie didn't answer the phone and I sent him a text message. He called me a few minutes later and he was so worried about me. He told me how excited he was that we had 6. He always knows what exactly to say to me. I was shocked at how happy he was with the results because part of my pain was for him. He gets discouraged so easy with our fertility stuff and he always blames himself. I hate that he blames himself because even though the issue is with his sperm we are a team and we aren't pointing fingers. I know that there are couples who end up with no embryos and I know that it only takes one to get pregnant.....but after all that we've gone through it is just hard to realized we lost more than half of the embryos. And just like a friend who is a surrogate mother told me "Even though those embryos weren't really babies they were in a sense and you feel the lost." I was in too much of shock to ask the nurse the grade of the embryos. I sent her an email through the portal site and she called me back. She said they grade their embryos by Good, Fair, and poor. Out of our 6 baby Fishers we have 4 Good and 2 Fair. I was so excited to hear that. In the past I've prayed but I haven't had the faith to let God do his job. During this past week I've been listening to KSBJ (my friend who is also going through IVF really encouraged me to) and as you know I have a long commute to work. On the way to work I jam out and really talk to God. I've really asked him to keep giving me the strength to push through. I've really tried to lean on my faith instead of stressing myself out.
Today reality really hit me....I'm ready for our transfer but I don't know if I'm ready to face a failed transfer again. I'm staying positive and praying that God chooses one of this six embryos to be our baby.....but you still have to prepare for the worse. I do have to say that every time we've hit rock bottom I tell myself that we aren't going to give up. I don't care how much time or money it takes we are going to keep pushing through. Eventually though money runs out and your body can only handle so much. I'm asking all of you to pray for these embryos to be healthy and pass the chromosome test. We don't care what gender we end up with or how many we end up with as long as we get 1 Good quality. And just like my friend said as well "While science isn't 100% perfect it can still do some pretty amazing things" She is right and like we know God created those scientist and he can create miracles.
So now we wait for my cycle to start and wait for the embryos to come back from testing. I'm going to keep my head up high and remind myself that we only need one. Soon enough we will hopefully be holding our miracle baby in our arms....until then we will continue to pray. Again we appreciate all of your support and prayers. We have the best support system ever and biggest supporter up above!
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Acupuncture Appointment/Prayers Needed
Ugh...I haven't been feeling very well. Sunday I woke up with a horrible hormonal migraine. I could not get rid of it to save my life. I laid in bed all day and only got out of bed to take a shower and climb right back in. I took all kinds of medicine and nothing was getting rid of it. Monday I went to work and I was running late. My stomach has been hurting a lot since my retrieval. It feels like they blew it up with air. I look like I'm 3-6 months pregnant. I'm very constipated again...I know that is TMI but its the truth. I told Mikie "I didn't know that one body could hold this much poop" He laughs at me and all the things I've said going through this journey. I told him to push on my stomach and sure enough it was as hard as a rock. I told him...No baby in there just poop. LOL! Man oh Man. I started back taking my constipation medicine hoping that I get some relief. My ovaries are very sore as well. The first day of my cycle is always the worse with cramps and I feel like I've been on my first day of my cycle for three days now. Today I literally caught myself waddling down the hallway at work. I thought to myself "Oh Lord, I'm not even pregnant yet and I'm already waddling." LOL I couldn't help but bust out laughing to myself. I wasn't looking forward to my acupuncture appointment at all. All I wanted today was my bed, medicine, and a heating pad. I got to my appointment and Chris came in all smiling (as he always does. I swear he is the happiest person in the world.) He could tell by the look on my face that something was wrong. He asked me how I was feeling and I described everything. First he was so excited to hear that they retrieved 16 eggs and that I currently have 13 baby Fishers growing. He then explained that he was going to give me some herbal medicine to take for the pain. I was thrilled when he said that because I still haven't gotten my pain medicine filled. I'm not lying when I say that I hate pain medication. He also said that he was going to put needles in a few different spots to help relieve the pain. Once he got all the needles in he pulled out this machine to hook up to a few of the needles that were on my stomach. He connected the wires to four of the needles and turned on the machine. It was a shocking sensation that hit the muscles in my stomach. If you have ever been to physical therapy and had shocking therapy done then you know exactly what I'm talking about. It felt like ants biting at me a little bit but overall it wasn't painful at all. And today..........HE PUT ONE IN MY FACE!!!!! We were talking away and he was putting all the needles in and reached over and put one in my face. Once it was in, I said "Someone forgot I don't like needles in the face" He felt so bad and was going to remove it but I told him no that it really wasn't that bad. I think he likes to put one on the face to help with the migraines. If it does help then he can poke my face all day long. There I go again over coming these fears of needles. Its not easy but its getting easier and easier. It was a nice and relaxing session today. I'm really beginning to like acupuncture. I've realized that since I've started that I'm not stressing as much over stuff. I mean I still have some stress but I'm not letting the stress take over me like I normally do.
Today before I went in acupuncture I received a text message from a friend who is going through IVF. She text me and said "Prayers please..Embryos aren't looking as strong as they would like tem too, they will transfer tomorrow" She is doing a fresh transfer and they transfer five days after egg retrieval. She wasn't suppose to transfer until Thursday but they moved up the day to tomorrow. My heart sank into my stomach when I read that. I knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling. I've been down that road where you think its all over. I sent her a text back and told her Prayers were being said and that in Jesus Name her baby will survive and it will carry to full term. She explained how she was an emotional wreck. As I drove back to work from acupuncture I began to cry a little bit. I truly know what it feels like to pay 20K to find out that it didn't work. It sucks, it hurts, its emotional, etc. You begin to question your own faith and your own strength. You want to throw in the towel but you know that you are better than that. You want to scream at the top of your lungs and ask God "Why me? Why my huband? Why my baby embryo?" I couldn't even think straight the rest of the day at work. I've been thinking and praying hard for her. The funny thing is that we use to work together and haven't really talked since I moved jobs. We have reconnected through IVF and we are what you would call IVF sisters. Its crazy the sisterhood you gain from going through a similar struggle as someone else. Its a bond that I bet is never broken because we were there for each other in such a hard time of our life. Its because you two know the pain, the financial burden, and everything else that comes with the struggle. Everyone else tries to understand but they will not truly understand until they have walked in our shoes. I ask all of my blog supporters to throw in an extra prayer tonight for her. She has come a long way and I know she will continue to push through and hold her baby in her arms soon. Scientist are here to help the miracle get created but God is the one who creates all!! He will make a miracle happen! As we go through IVF or IUI or any other fertility treatment we have to remind ourselves that it is okay to be scared, to be worried, to question if its going to work...its part of being human. But we can never lose our faith in the man upstairs. He can move mountains and create miracles.
Tonight when I'm fixing to leave work and thinking about how much pain I'm in.....bam...I get a text message from a friend. She has no idea that I'm in a lot of pain because I haven't really told anyone and the text message says " The pain that you've been feeling cant compare to the joy that is coming-Romans 8:18 Thinking of you and future baby fisher/s." Wow!!!! She hit it right on the money. I've been thinking these two days "How am I going to handle 9 months when I'm in so much pain over a simple egg retrieval" It hurts to walk, to bend down, to move too fast, etc. I feel like the biggest complainer. I get to the point where I think "Maybe I'm just not meant to carry a baby" And then the tears flow....No I am meant to carry a baby and I have every right to complain about my pain. I've gone through so much in the last few weeks.....more than most could ever imagine handling. I've been poked with a million needles, injected with hormones that have increased my levels in such a short period, my ovaries have been blown up to huge water balloons, a huge needles has gone inside and plucked all my eggs out,etc. So yes...I have every right to complain, waddle, and carry on. I'm going through all this to build my strength so that I can handle those 9 months and after those 9 months I will hold MY baby in my arms. When that day comes and I look at my miracle baby in the face....the past pains/needle pokes/breakdowns wont even cross my mind. I will finally know why I went through all that I did.
Only a few more days I will find out how many survived these five days and are being sent of for PGS testing!!!!! AHHH!!! I'm so anxious and I'm not going to lie...when I got that text from my friend a part of me wanted to call and check on my embryos but I didn't.
Today before I went in acupuncture I received a text message from a friend who is going through IVF. She text me and said "Prayers please..Embryos aren't looking as strong as they would like tem too, they will transfer tomorrow" She is doing a fresh transfer and they transfer five days after egg retrieval. She wasn't suppose to transfer until Thursday but they moved up the day to tomorrow. My heart sank into my stomach when I read that. I knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling. I've been down that road where you think its all over. I sent her a text back and told her Prayers were being said and that in Jesus Name her baby will survive and it will carry to full term. She explained how she was an emotional wreck. As I drove back to work from acupuncture I began to cry a little bit. I truly know what it feels like to pay 20K to find out that it didn't work. It sucks, it hurts, its emotional, etc. You begin to question your own faith and your own strength. You want to throw in the towel but you know that you are better than that. You want to scream at the top of your lungs and ask God "Why me? Why my huband? Why my baby embryo?" I couldn't even think straight the rest of the day at work. I've been thinking and praying hard for her. The funny thing is that we use to work together and haven't really talked since I moved jobs. We have reconnected through IVF and we are what you would call IVF sisters. Its crazy the sisterhood you gain from going through a similar struggle as someone else. Its a bond that I bet is never broken because we were there for each other in such a hard time of our life. Its because you two know the pain, the financial burden, and everything else that comes with the struggle. Everyone else tries to understand but they will not truly understand until they have walked in our shoes. I ask all of my blog supporters to throw in an extra prayer tonight for her. She has come a long way and I know she will continue to push through and hold her baby in her arms soon. Scientist are here to help the miracle get created but God is the one who creates all!! He will make a miracle happen! As we go through IVF or IUI or any other fertility treatment we have to remind ourselves that it is okay to be scared, to be worried, to question if its going to work...its part of being human. But we can never lose our faith in the man upstairs. He can move mountains and create miracles.
Tonight when I'm fixing to leave work and thinking about how much pain I'm in.....bam...I get a text message from a friend. She has no idea that I'm in a lot of pain because I haven't really told anyone and the text message says " The pain that you've been feeling cant compare to the joy that is coming-Romans 8:18 Thinking of you and future baby fisher/s." Wow!!!! She hit it right on the money. I've been thinking these two days "How am I going to handle 9 months when I'm in so much pain over a simple egg retrieval" It hurts to walk, to bend down, to move too fast, etc. I feel like the biggest complainer. I get to the point where I think "Maybe I'm just not meant to carry a baby" And then the tears flow....No I am meant to carry a baby and I have every right to complain about my pain. I've gone through so much in the last few weeks.....more than most could ever imagine handling. I've been poked with a million needles, injected with hormones that have increased my levels in such a short period, my ovaries have been blown up to huge water balloons, a huge needles has gone inside and plucked all my eggs out,etc. So yes...I have every right to complain, waddle, and carry on. I'm going through all this to build my strength so that I can handle those 9 months and after those 9 months I will hold MY baby in my arms. When that day comes and I look at my miracle baby in the face....the past pains/needle pokes/breakdowns wont even cross my mind. I will finally know why I went through all that I did.
Only a few more days I will find out how many survived these five days and are being sent of for PGS testing!!!!! AHHH!!! I'm so anxious and I'm not going to lie...when I got that text from my friend a part of me wanted to call and check on my embryos but I didn't.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Egg Retrieval!
Friday morning I woke up in a lot of pain. I knew there was no way I could make it to work. I sent my boss an email and asked if I could work from home. He said that was no problem and he would be praying for me this weekend. I'm telling you, I have the best boss in the world. He understands everything I'm going through and prays for me. I felt horrible on Friday. I was so bloated that I knew I couldn't fit in anything but yoga pants. My ovaries felt like that had been sharpen into a point and anytime I moved or walked it was stabbing me. I was so ready for Saturday.
Saturday morning was egg retrieval. We had to check in at 615am and it takes an hour to get to the surgical center. Mikie woke up at 4am to get ready and I literally woke up 10 minutes before we left. I couldn't wear makeup or anything so I didn't have to get up early. I was a nervous wreck the whole way there. Mikie kept asking me if I was okay and I wasn't saying much. I fell asleep and slept until we got there. We checked in and went to waiting room to wait. We were the only people in the waiting room and literally the only people in the building besides the workers. We waited for about 5 minutes and then the nurse called us back. I kept my cool but deep inside I was freaking out thinking about the IV. She had paper work for me to sign and initial. Mikie had paper work to fill out too since he had to give a sample. Once I was done with the paper work she gave me the gown, sock covers, and hair net to put on. I changed and she was back in no time. She got ready to do the IV and Mikie was sitting in the other chair filling out paperwork. He normally comes and pinches my leg when they do the IV to keep my mind off it but he had to complete the forms. I was so proud of myself because I had no tears and I did the IV without Mikie pinching my leg. I thought to myself Wow I have come a LONG way. Mikie was so proud of me. Once we met with the anesthesia doctor and our doctor it was time for Egg Retrieval!! I was so ready to get those eggs out. The operating nurse came to get me to go to surgery and she sent Mikie to do his sample.
I walked into the operating room and it was freezing. They untied my gown in the back, had me lay down, and started to strap my legs in the stirrups. The stirrups look like the the air walk boots people use when they've hurt their ankle. They strap your legs down so that when you go to sleep your legs don't fall. The anesthesia doctor speaks and moves really fast. It was like she was in a rush but really it was just her personality. I laid on that table and she started putting stickers on me, shoving oxygen mask on my face (which not all of them do the mask first some doctors wait until your asleep before doing that) and started to give me the medicine in my IV. I'm so claustrophobic and when she put the mask on me I started to freak out and gag. My fertility Doctor came to my side and calmed me down. He stood there until I went to sleep. It was like he was filling in for Mikie. It meant so much to me. Most doctors are just in a rush to do what they need to do but he takes his doctor care to another level. He truly cares for his patients. When she started to give me the medicine, I could feel myself trying to fight it. It was the craziest thing ever.
Surgery didn't last but about 20 minutes and I woke up in recovery. When I woke up Mikie was right by my side. I started bawling when I woke up. I think because I was in a panic right before I went to sleep. They say you get anesthesia blues sometimes. Once I fully woke up, Dr. Kim came to let us know that they retrieved 16 eggs. I was so happy with the results. The first time we retrieved 20 eggs but to me 16 is just as good.
When we left the hospital, we went to breakfast with my sister and mom. They both come to every procedure we have. My mom isn't a morning person but she does anything for her baby girl! ;) I love them both so much. They both have been very big supporters.
After breakfast, Mikie and I had a lot to do for a surprise party we were hosting for Laurie. I didn't plan on having my egg retrieval on Saturday when we planned her party two months ago but we pushed through and got it done. Laurie turned 50 last week and we couldn't let it go by without having a big celebration. Plus she does so much for us and has done so much for us in our journey. We put together a surprise party with my sister in law and brother in law. We had a great turn out and she was in total shock. I was in more pain this egg retrieval than the last retrieval but I survived the night.
Today I'm being lazy and relaxing hoping that all the bloating and pain will go away. The doctor gave me pain medication but I don't do well with pain medicine. This morning we received a phone call to say that out of the 16 eggs we had retrieved that 13 took to fertilization!!!!! I'm so happy with our results. Now those 13 embryos are being watched for the next five days. On Friday we will find out how many survived the 5 days and are being sent off for genetic testing. Keep the prayers coming for our 13 babies we currently have. We cant wait til Friday to find out how many survived and then we will be waiting for the chromosome testing results.
The journey is a long one but each step along the way has something for you to look forward to. You start shots and you can't wait to see how big the eggs are, then you can't wait till egg retrieval, then you can't wait for your embryo results...etc. Yes the main goal is the transfer and getting pregnant but you have baby steps to get there. It goes by fast and before you know it...it will be transfer day. I do have to say that I'm ready for February. We will find out pregnancy results around Mikies birthday. We are praying for the best birthday ever!
Thank you again for all the support and prayers. I've had so many people contact me about my blog. People I know and strangers have expressed how much they enjoy reading my blog. I'm so happy to share our story and to make you all feel like you are apart of the journey.....because you all are. We hope we are giving another fertility couple the extra strength to push on and for them to know that they are not alone. Don't lose faith and remember that God has a plan for all of us. God's plan is bigger and better than anything we've ever imagined.
Saturday morning was egg retrieval. We had to check in at 615am and it takes an hour to get to the surgical center. Mikie woke up at 4am to get ready and I literally woke up 10 minutes before we left. I couldn't wear makeup or anything so I didn't have to get up early. I was a nervous wreck the whole way there. Mikie kept asking me if I was okay and I wasn't saying much. I fell asleep and slept until we got there. We checked in and went to waiting room to wait. We were the only people in the waiting room and literally the only people in the building besides the workers. We waited for about 5 minutes and then the nurse called us back. I kept my cool but deep inside I was freaking out thinking about the IV. She had paper work for me to sign and initial. Mikie had paper work to fill out too since he had to give a sample. Once I was done with the paper work she gave me the gown, sock covers, and hair net to put on. I changed and she was back in no time. She got ready to do the IV and Mikie was sitting in the other chair filling out paperwork. He normally comes and pinches my leg when they do the IV to keep my mind off it but he had to complete the forms. I was so proud of myself because I had no tears and I did the IV without Mikie pinching my leg. I thought to myself Wow I have come a LONG way. Mikie was so proud of me. Once we met with the anesthesia doctor and our doctor it was time for Egg Retrieval!! I was so ready to get those eggs out. The operating nurse came to get me to go to surgery and she sent Mikie to do his sample.
I walked into the operating room and it was freezing. They untied my gown in the back, had me lay down, and started to strap my legs in the stirrups. The stirrups look like the the air walk boots people use when they've hurt their ankle. They strap your legs down so that when you go to sleep your legs don't fall. The anesthesia doctor speaks and moves really fast. It was like she was in a rush but really it was just her personality. I laid on that table and she started putting stickers on me, shoving oxygen mask on my face (which not all of them do the mask first some doctors wait until your asleep before doing that) and started to give me the medicine in my IV. I'm so claustrophobic and when she put the mask on me I started to freak out and gag. My fertility Doctor came to my side and calmed me down. He stood there until I went to sleep. It was like he was filling in for Mikie. It meant so much to me. Most doctors are just in a rush to do what they need to do but he takes his doctor care to another level. He truly cares for his patients. When she started to give me the medicine, I could feel myself trying to fight it. It was the craziest thing ever.
Surgery didn't last but about 20 minutes and I woke up in recovery. When I woke up Mikie was right by my side. I started bawling when I woke up. I think because I was in a panic right before I went to sleep. They say you get anesthesia blues sometimes. Once I fully woke up, Dr. Kim came to let us know that they retrieved 16 eggs. I was so happy with the results. The first time we retrieved 20 eggs but to me 16 is just as good.
When we left the hospital, we went to breakfast with my sister and mom. They both come to every procedure we have. My mom isn't a morning person but she does anything for her baby girl! ;) I love them both so much. They both have been very big supporters.
After breakfast, Mikie and I had a lot to do for a surprise party we were hosting for Laurie. I didn't plan on having my egg retrieval on Saturday when we planned her party two months ago but we pushed through and got it done. Laurie turned 50 last week and we couldn't let it go by without having a big celebration. Plus she does so much for us and has done so much for us in our journey. We put together a surprise party with my sister in law and brother in law. We had a great turn out and she was in total shock. I was in more pain this egg retrieval than the last retrieval but I survived the night.
Today I'm being lazy and relaxing hoping that all the bloating and pain will go away. The doctor gave me pain medication but I don't do well with pain medicine. This morning we received a phone call to say that out of the 16 eggs we had retrieved that 13 took to fertilization!!!!! I'm so happy with our results. Now those 13 embryos are being watched for the next five days. On Friday we will find out how many survived the 5 days and are being sent off for genetic testing. Keep the prayers coming for our 13 babies we currently have. We cant wait til Friday to find out how many survived and then we will be waiting for the chromosome testing results.
The journey is a long one but each step along the way has something for you to look forward to. You start shots and you can't wait to see how big the eggs are, then you can't wait till egg retrieval, then you can't wait for your embryo results...etc. Yes the main goal is the transfer and getting pregnant but you have baby steps to get there. It goes by fast and before you know it...it will be transfer day. I do have to say that I'm ready for February. We will find out pregnancy results around Mikies birthday. We are praying for the best birthday ever!
Thank you again for all the support and prayers. I've had so many people contact me about my blog. People I know and strangers have expressed how much they enjoy reading my blog. I'm so happy to share our story and to make you all feel like you are apart of the journey.....because you all are. We hope we are giving another fertility couple the extra strength to push on and for them to know that they are not alone. Don't lose faith and remember that God has a plan for all of us. God's plan is bigger and better than anything we've ever imagined.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Trigger Shot Trigger Shot
This morning we had another doctors appointment. Last night I had a hot flash in the middle of the night and I guess I turned off the heat in my sleep. It was FREEZING in the house this morning. We did not want to get out of bed so getting ready was a little rushed. We got to the doctor and I had to let the vampire lady take my blood. Ugh. This time I told her to do my left arm. She is really good at drawing blood but she isn't use to my left arm. When she stuck it in she had to wiggle it a little bit. I thought I was going to vomit but I calmed myself down and didn't let it go to my head. Once the blood work was done it was time for our ultrasound. The nurse did our ultrasound again because the doctor is only there on Monday and Friday. She said my eggs looked great but she wasn't sure what the doctor was going to say. My left ovary isn't producing as many eggs which is fine because my right one has a ton! I didn't have enough Menopur to do injections tonight so they gave me an extra vial just in case the doctor told me to stay on injections. Well today they never called me to give me results. It was 3:00pm and I still hadn't heard anything. I sent a message to the nurse and she said their system had been down. She said she would get back to me as soon as she could. I was stressed a little today because I needed to leave work early to get home in time if I was going to have to do Menopur again. I decided to leave early just in case. I finally got a phone call from Vanessa around 430 and she told me it was trigger night!!!!!! Yay!!! I was so excited because last night I was celebrating that it was my last night of the burning. She told me to take my trigger shot at 7:45pm and that my egg retrieval would be Saturday morning at 7:15am. We will find out on Saturday how many were retrieved. Then on Sunday they will call me to tell me how many were fertilized. Next Friday I will find out how many survived the five days and were sent off for chromosome testing.
So tonight was trigger night!! Woo hoo! My poor husband had to work outside all day today. He runs two companies (auto shop & garbage company) with his dad. Plus he still works for the company his dad sold doing mechanic work. Today he had to work out in the freezing cold doing the garbage route. He works so hard and never complains. Tonight he called to say he needed to go to the other company do some work on their trucks. I told him my trigger shot was at 745pm and to go to work. He was like "Are you sure you will be okay without me here to do the shot?" I said "Yes I will be fine." He kept asking me over and over again. I didn't want him to have to wait until 8pm to go get started on his work. The trigger shot Ovidrel comes made already since it's crucial that you do the injection at the exact time they tell you. I got the shot out of our fridge and went to Lauries for her to give it to me. It was two minutes til and we got ready to do it. We watched the clock and as soon as it turned 745 we did it. The injection didn't burn or anything and the needle was so tiny. My tummy is so glad all injections are over for now. I will have to do more injections on my tummy when we get ready for transfer. I will be on a blood thinner but for now we are going to celebrate no more shots!!! After my trigger shot, I took Laurie to dinner for all of her help. While we were eating she told me that I've come a long way with needles. I told her that I have but I still don't like them. Ha!
Saturday will be a big day. Please keep the prayers coming. I will be put to sleep for the procedure but normally do very well. I can't wait to find out how many eggs we end up with. I will update everyone on Saturday.
Come on Baby Fisher!!!
So tonight was trigger night!! Woo hoo! My poor husband had to work outside all day today. He runs two companies (auto shop & garbage company) with his dad. Plus he still works for the company his dad sold doing mechanic work. Today he had to work out in the freezing cold doing the garbage route. He works so hard and never complains. Tonight he called to say he needed to go to the other company do some work on their trucks. I told him my trigger shot was at 745pm and to go to work. He was like "Are you sure you will be okay without me here to do the shot?" I said "Yes I will be fine." He kept asking me over and over again. I didn't want him to have to wait until 8pm to go get started on his work. The trigger shot Ovidrel comes made already since it's crucial that you do the injection at the exact time they tell you. I got the shot out of our fridge and went to Lauries for her to give it to me. It was two minutes til and we got ready to do it. We watched the clock and as soon as it turned 745 we did it. The injection didn't burn or anything and the needle was so tiny. My tummy is so glad all injections are over for now. I will have to do more injections on my tummy when we get ready for transfer. I will be on a blood thinner but for now we are going to celebrate no more shots!!! After my trigger shot, I took Laurie to dinner for all of her help. While we were eating she told me that I've come a long way with needles. I told her that I have but I still don't like them. Ha!
Saturday will be a big day. Please keep the prayers coming. I will be put to sleep for the procedure but normally do very well. I can't wait to find out how many eggs we end up with. I will update everyone on Saturday.
Come on Baby Fisher!!!
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
IVF Shot #9 and Doctor Appointment
We had our doctors appointment this morning. I had my blood drawn and an ultrasound. Today my doctor was not there so the nurse did the ultrasound. She was so impressed with my progress. She said "You are moving so fast and your body is reacting so well to the medication." I said "I know Dr. Kim said the same thing and I told him that you all tell me this every time. I just hope my body reacts well to the transfer." She told me that she had high hopes that it was going to work this time. I remembered to take pictures this time of the ultrasound. I pulled out my phone to take pictures previously but I got distracted by talking to the doctor and forgot. My eggs were HUGE!!!! She told me "Tonight might be the last night you are on your two injections. You will probably come back tomorrow for another check up and will do trigger shot tomorrow night." I said "If I come back tomorrow then do I have to get my blood drawn again." She laughed and said "Yes, silly." Ugh.....I have no blood left for them to take. I'm so over needles this week. LOL! I was nervous again this morning getting my blood drawn. I asked Ayanna "Do you have to take blood from my left arm?" She said "No I can take blood from your right arm and I will move up where its not in the same spot" I was so excited. She laughed and said "Girlfriend you need to get back in the routine of this." I laughed back at her and said "I know." I was doing so well with the blood work prior to my last failed IVF transfer. I went over a month with no needles and my fear came back...well to tell you the truth my fear never went away. Even after all the needles I've had to deal with this week...I'm still scared of them. HA!
Here is a picture of my eggs. The black circles are my eggs. They are big and there are a lot of them!!!
After my appointment, I received the results of my blood. My estrogen level last Friday on Jan 2nd was 918 and today it was 2310. Holy cow....no wonder I'm an emotional wreck, my boobs are sensitive, my skin is sensitive, etc. They informed me that I need to come in tomorrow for another appointment. YAY!!!! It must be a good sign. I hope they tell me that I can take my trigger shot tomorrow night and egg retrieval on Saturday. We cant wait to see how many eggs we end up with. :) It's really hard to count exactly how many eggs you have during an ultrasound.
I know that I've explained the pain of bloating, sore boobs, the fear of needles, etc. I'm sure some of you that have experienced pregnancy probably are thinking "She has no idea what she is going to experience being pregnant. If she thinks that is bad, she will be in for a rude awakening." Please never say that statement to a fertility struggler. Luckily, I haven't had anyone say that to me but I have read other blogs where they were upset because someone told them that. I know fertility strugglers have no idea the pain a pregnant person does go through but a pregnant person doesn't understand the pain a struggler goes through. It isn't fun getting poked a million times, paying a fortune for the hopes of it working only to find out that it didn't work. Yes you have to go through bloating, needles, etc being pregnant but its not the same. You wont ever understand fully the pain or journey of fertility problems until you walk in those shoes. It is easy to give advice but always think before you give your advice. I've been fortunate enough to have such awesome supporters that I haven't had to witness much of that. I also try to take the positive out of everything. I have my down days where I'm just ready to toss in the towel but overall I stay pretty positive.
Well tonight was hopefully my last night of having to take Menopur!! I'm telling you that injection burns so bad. I want to scream at the top of my lungs when Laurie does that injection. I hate that medication. The other injection doesn't burn so we always save that one for the last one. I was sick to my stomach tonight because I was dreading the injections. My tummy is DONE with injections. It is sore, bruised, and ready for a break. Thank God for leggings and palazzo pants. They always come in handy during injection and bloating time.
Tomorrow we should find out the for sure when the egg retrieval will be! I'm almost positive that it will be on Saturday. We are anxious and can't wait!!! Thank you for all your prayers because they are working. Mikie and I appreciate all the support....keep the prayers coming and fingers crossed.
Come on Baby Fisher! :)
Here is a picture of my eggs. The black circles are my eggs. They are big and there are a lot of them!!!
After my appointment, I received the results of my blood. My estrogen level last Friday on Jan 2nd was 918 and today it was 2310. Holy cow....no wonder I'm an emotional wreck, my boobs are sensitive, my skin is sensitive, etc. They informed me that I need to come in tomorrow for another appointment. YAY!!!! It must be a good sign. I hope they tell me that I can take my trigger shot tomorrow night and egg retrieval on Saturday. We cant wait to see how many eggs we end up with. :) It's really hard to count exactly how many eggs you have during an ultrasound.
I know that I've explained the pain of bloating, sore boobs, the fear of needles, etc. I'm sure some of you that have experienced pregnancy probably are thinking "She has no idea what she is going to experience being pregnant. If she thinks that is bad, she will be in for a rude awakening." Please never say that statement to a fertility struggler. Luckily, I haven't had anyone say that to me but I have read other blogs where they were upset because someone told them that. I know fertility strugglers have no idea the pain a pregnant person does go through but a pregnant person doesn't understand the pain a struggler goes through. It isn't fun getting poked a million times, paying a fortune for the hopes of it working only to find out that it didn't work. Yes you have to go through bloating, needles, etc being pregnant but its not the same. You wont ever understand fully the pain or journey of fertility problems until you walk in those shoes. It is easy to give advice but always think before you give your advice. I've been fortunate enough to have such awesome supporters that I haven't had to witness much of that. I also try to take the positive out of everything. I have my down days where I'm just ready to toss in the towel but overall I stay pretty positive.
Well tonight was hopefully my last night of having to take Menopur!! I'm telling you that injection burns so bad. I want to scream at the top of my lungs when Laurie does that injection. I hate that medication. The other injection doesn't burn so we always save that one for the last one. I was sick to my stomach tonight because I was dreading the injections. My tummy is DONE with injections. It is sore, bruised, and ready for a break. Thank God for leggings and palazzo pants. They always come in handy during injection and bloating time.
Tomorrow we should find out the for sure when the egg retrieval will be! I'm almost positive that it will be on Saturday. We are anxious and can't wait!!! Thank you for all your prayers because they are working. Mikie and I appreciate all the support....keep the prayers coming and fingers crossed.
Come on Baby Fisher! :)
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
IVF Shot #8 and acupuncture
Today I had an acupuncture appointment and I haven't been in over a week. Last week they were closed for the holiday. I was really nervous going into my appointment. It was just like the first day all over again. I got on the table and he started to put the needles in. I almost kicked him in the face by accident because I jumped. He stuck a needle in between my big toe and little toe on top of my foot. Then he stuck another needle on the side of my heel on the inside of my ankle. I definitely was squealing today...lol. I have to say though once the needles were in then I relaxed and was fine. He put another needle in my scalp...its crazy to say but that spot is the best. It relieves all the pressure and relaxes me so much. I fell asleep during the treatment again. I called Mikie afterwards and told him I have a love/hate relationship with acupuncture. I hate the needles going in but once the treatment starts it's so relaxing. He said "You've gone through way harder things. You can do it." He is correct. I still have 12 weeks or so of acupuncture to do if I do get pregnant.
Tonight was shot #8.....we are almost there. Tonight we were looking for spots on my stomach for the shots. The first night I did a shot under my belly button and it was so sore the next day. I decided I wouldn't do anymore shots underneath the stomach.....until tonight. We are running out of spots and so I told Laurie she could do one underneath the belly button....Oh My Goodness ...what was I thinking!!! Not only does that shot burn but the spot is so tender!!!!! I was screaming tonight. NEVER NEVER AGAIN will I do a shot in that area. I remember last time I did the shots, I was in tears towards the end of my injections. I'm almost to that point. Tonight I was ready to cry my eyes out but I was tough and pushed through. My stomach is so sore, it's bloated, and I'm out of spots. I haven't had much of an appetite and realized that I had not eaten anything all day. I'm so bloated that I feel like I've eaten; therefore, I forget to eat. Here is a picture of my belly with all the wounds.
Tomorrow we go to the doctor for another checkup. I will get my blood drawn again and ultrasound. I'm nervous about my blood being drawn because I only like them to draw blood from my right arm. Well my right arm is done for the week seeing how I got blood drawn on Friday and Monday. I will have to use my left arm tomorrow. Also when you've been on all these hormones your skin is very sensitive. The nurse told me that my arm will be sore. I'm definitely a pin cushion this week from injections, acupuncture, and blood drawn. I'm going to be a pro at needles. Tomorrow we should find out when the egg retrieval will be and when we should do the "trigger" shot. The "trigger" shot is done at a certain time of night. If they say to take it at 9:04pm then you must do it at that time. Once the injection is done then the doctor has exactly about 36 hours to get the eggs out. The trigger shot releases the eggs out of the follicles so that they can retrieve them. During the egg retrieval they will take a long needle and "pluck" the eggs out. They will remove every egg that I've matured. Once the eggs are removed then the embryologist will examine the size and shape of the eggs. He/She will decide which ones can be fertilized. Next the eggs will be fertilized and watched in a petri dish for 5 days. After 5 days they will be frozen and sent off for chromosome testing. Before you know it egg retrieval will be here and gone.
Come on Baby Fisher!!!!!
Tonight was shot #8.....we are almost there. Tonight we were looking for spots on my stomach for the shots. The first night I did a shot under my belly button and it was so sore the next day. I decided I wouldn't do anymore shots underneath the stomach.....until tonight. We are running out of spots and so I told Laurie she could do one underneath the belly button....Oh My Goodness ...what was I thinking!!! Not only does that shot burn but the spot is so tender!!!!! I was screaming tonight. NEVER NEVER AGAIN will I do a shot in that area. I remember last time I did the shots, I was in tears towards the end of my injections. I'm almost to that point. Tonight I was ready to cry my eyes out but I was tough and pushed through. My stomach is so sore, it's bloated, and I'm out of spots. I haven't had much of an appetite and realized that I had not eaten anything all day. I'm so bloated that I feel like I've eaten; therefore, I forget to eat. Here is a picture of my belly with all the wounds.
Tomorrow we go to the doctor for another checkup. I will get my blood drawn again and ultrasound. I'm nervous about my blood being drawn because I only like them to draw blood from my right arm. Well my right arm is done for the week seeing how I got blood drawn on Friday and Monday. I will have to use my left arm tomorrow. Also when you've been on all these hormones your skin is very sensitive. The nurse told me that my arm will be sore. I'm definitely a pin cushion this week from injections, acupuncture, and blood drawn. I'm going to be a pro at needles. Tomorrow we should find out when the egg retrieval will be and when we should do the "trigger" shot. The "trigger" shot is done at a certain time of night. If they say to take it at 9:04pm then you must do it at that time. Once the injection is done then the doctor has exactly about 36 hours to get the eggs out. The trigger shot releases the eggs out of the follicles so that they can retrieve them. During the egg retrieval they will take a long needle and "pluck" the eggs out. They will remove every egg that I've matured. Once the eggs are removed then the embryologist will examine the size and shape of the eggs. He/She will decide which ones can be fertilized. Next the eggs will be fertilized and watched in a petri dish for 5 days. After 5 days they will be frozen and sent off for chromosome testing. Before you know it egg retrieval will be here and gone.
Come on Baby Fisher!!!!!
Doctor Appointment and IVF Shot #7
Sorry I didn't update last night. I was one exhausted egg factory last night.......
Yesterday morning we went in for our check-up. I got blood taken and they did another ultrasound. I was amazed at how big my eggs are!! They are growing and growing fast. The doctor was very pleased with the measurements and progress of the eggs. My egg retrieval may move up to Saturday, Jan 10th. YAY! I'm so ready for this bloating to go away. Mikie keeps laughing at me because I'm calling my ovaries my water balloons. We had a good talk and lots of laughs with the doctor as well. The one thing I love so much about my doctor is how he takes his time. He is never in a rush to get us in and out. He will talk about his personal life, answer all your questions, and laugh with you. He isn't just my doctor but a friend. I also like how he is always there to do our check-ups and he is the one who performs all the surgeries. Most fertility doctors are not there for check ups and only do the transfer. We've been lucky to come across such an amazing doctor. My blood results came back great as well. My estrogen level is right where they want it. I can tell my body has been pumped with hormones because I was watching CSI and someone got killed....I started crying. It was so cute because Mikie was concerned and asked me if I wanted him to change the channel. I swear I have the best teammate/husband. He is always concerned about me and right by my side through it all. I couldn't ask for a better husband. My mom teases me saying that Mikie is going to wrap me in bubble wrap as soon as I do get pregnant. He is such a protector and wants nothing bad to happen to me.
I got to work after my appointment and was a little overwhelmed. Its end of year and the beginning of a new year....something that is never fun for an accountant. It was so sweet though because my co worker came to me and said "You do not let this place stress you out. Your work will be here tomorrow and the next day. Do what you can and what you cant you can do tomorrow. You need to concentrate on yourself and your miracle baby." It was so sweet. I do work for the best place ever. Yes I have my days that I cant stand my job or the place I work for...I mean don't we all have those days. But I do have to say that I have the greatest boss in the world and work with some AMAZING people. I spend anywhere from 8-12 hours a day at work and my co-workers are one of my biggest supporters. I don't think this process would go as smooth if I worked anywhere else. My boss gives me the time I need to take off for appointments and lets me work from home. I have co-workers who step up to the plate and do some of my job when I'm out. I thank God everyday for my job. I cant believe this March I will celebrate 5 years with the company.
Well last night the shot process was a little bit rushed. It was like one girl said a true definition of an "IVF quickie" lol. Laurie had a meeting to go to and I just pulled into the driveway from work. I work about 60-70 miles away from home. (Crazy I know but I looooooooove my job) I'm having to leave work early this week to beat the traffic and get home in time to get my shot. Anyways, I got home just in time before Laurie had to go. Mikie had the injections made and I jumped up on the bed so she could do them. She did the menopur shot and when she got done my stomach was bleeding a little bit. For some reason when she does that injection my stomach bleeds just a little bit afterwards. I have bruises on my stomach from all the poke marks. Then she grabbed the other alcohol wipe to find a spot to do the second injection. When she went back to grab the second injection, she accidently grabbed the one she had just done. She poked me and Mikie said "Laurie take it out". She didn't realize what she had done. She felt horrible afterwards. She said "You can go blog about how I poked you three times now and how I shouldn't be a RN" LOL. We all busted out laughing so hard. I'm telling you there hasn't been one night during shots that we don't laugh. I'm so glad we have humor during this process. Yes it is a serious process but you cant be all uptight about it. If you relax and roll with the punches then you will find it to be a much smoother process. Even though she poked me three times and she isn't a certified nurse....she has been AMAZING! I really don't know what we would do without her. I would never make it to the doctors office by 4:30 everyday to do the shots. I have Kristina's mom as a backup but I know she passes our house around 5:30 and I'm not home yet. I know if anything happened her mom would come but I just hate to bother people with stuff like that.
Today I go in for acupuncture. I haven't been in over a week because they were closed last week for the holiday. I'm sort of nervous again! HA! Tonight we will do IVF shot #8 and tomorrow we have another doctor's appointment. Tomorrow we should probably know the exact date of egg retrieval. I'm getting so excited to get these eggs out and fertilized. I'm ready to see how many embryos we end up with. I'm not looking forward to the IV but that is a baby step compared to what I've been going through and I know my poor hubby isn't looking forward to his sample. He said that he isn't looking forward to it but isn't complaining because I've gone through way worse stuff.
Baby Fisher will be created this weekend and will be watched in a petri dish for 5 days!! It is so crazy to think that! We are pushing along and pushing along fast!
Yesterday morning we went in for our check-up. I got blood taken and they did another ultrasound. I was amazed at how big my eggs are!! They are growing and growing fast. The doctor was very pleased with the measurements and progress of the eggs. My egg retrieval may move up to Saturday, Jan 10th. YAY! I'm so ready for this bloating to go away. Mikie keeps laughing at me because I'm calling my ovaries my water balloons. We had a good talk and lots of laughs with the doctor as well. The one thing I love so much about my doctor is how he takes his time. He is never in a rush to get us in and out. He will talk about his personal life, answer all your questions, and laugh with you. He isn't just my doctor but a friend. I also like how he is always there to do our check-ups and he is the one who performs all the surgeries. Most fertility doctors are not there for check ups and only do the transfer. We've been lucky to come across such an amazing doctor. My blood results came back great as well. My estrogen level is right where they want it. I can tell my body has been pumped with hormones because I was watching CSI and someone got killed....I started crying. It was so cute because Mikie was concerned and asked me if I wanted him to change the channel. I swear I have the best teammate/husband. He is always concerned about me and right by my side through it all. I couldn't ask for a better husband. My mom teases me saying that Mikie is going to wrap me in bubble wrap as soon as I do get pregnant. He is such a protector and wants nothing bad to happen to me.
I got to work after my appointment and was a little overwhelmed. Its end of year and the beginning of a new year....something that is never fun for an accountant. It was so sweet though because my co worker came to me and said "You do not let this place stress you out. Your work will be here tomorrow and the next day. Do what you can and what you cant you can do tomorrow. You need to concentrate on yourself and your miracle baby." It was so sweet. I do work for the best place ever. Yes I have my days that I cant stand my job or the place I work for...I mean don't we all have those days. But I do have to say that I have the greatest boss in the world and work with some AMAZING people. I spend anywhere from 8-12 hours a day at work and my co-workers are one of my biggest supporters. I don't think this process would go as smooth if I worked anywhere else. My boss gives me the time I need to take off for appointments and lets me work from home. I have co-workers who step up to the plate and do some of my job when I'm out. I thank God everyday for my job. I cant believe this March I will celebrate 5 years with the company.
Well last night the shot process was a little bit rushed. It was like one girl said a true definition of an "IVF quickie" lol. Laurie had a meeting to go to and I just pulled into the driveway from work. I work about 60-70 miles away from home. (Crazy I know but I looooooooove my job) I'm having to leave work early this week to beat the traffic and get home in time to get my shot. Anyways, I got home just in time before Laurie had to go. Mikie had the injections made and I jumped up on the bed so she could do them. She did the menopur shot and when she got done my stomach was bleeding a little bit. For some reason when she does that injection my stomach bleeds just a little bit afterwards. I have bruises on my stomach from all the poke marks. Then she grabbed the other alcohol wipe to find a spot to do the second injection. When she went back to grab the second injection, she accidently grabbed the one she had just done. She poked me and Mikie said "Laurie take it out". She didn't realize what she had done. She felt horrible afterwards. She said "You can go blog about how I poked you three times now and how I shouldn't be a RN" LOL. We all busted out laughing so hard. I'm telling you there hasn't been one night during shots that we don't laugh. I'm so glad we have humor during this process. Yes it is a serious process but you cant be all uptight about it. If you relax and roll with the punches then you will find it to be a much smoother process. Even though she poked me three times and she isn't a certified nurse....she has been AMAZING! I really don't know what we would do without her. I would never make it to the doctors office by 4:30 everyday to do the shots. I have Kristina's mom as a backup but I know she passes our house around 5:30 and I'm not home yet. I know if anything happened her mom would come but I just hate to bother people with stuff like that.
Today I go in for acupuncture. I haven't been in over a week because they were closed last week for the holiday. I'm sort of nervous again! HA! Tonight we will do IVF shot #8 and tomorrow we have another doctor's appointment. Tomorrow we should probably know the exact date of egg retrieval. I'm getting so excited to get these eggs out and fertilized. I'm ready to see how many embryos we end up with. I'm not looking forward to the IV but that is a baby step compared to what I've been going through and I know my poor hubby isn't looking forward to his sample. He said that he isn't looking forward to it but isn't complaining because I've gone through way worse stuff.
Baby Fisher will be created this weekend and will be watched in a petri dish for 5 days!! It is so crazy to think that! We are pushing along and pushing along fast!
Sunday, January 4, 2015
IVF Shot #6
I'm beyond exhausted in the mornings. I wake up early but have no energy to get out of bed to even pee...that is so unlike me. I'm not a lazy person at all. My body is pumped up with so many hormones that I can't function like my normal self. I woke up around 7am but laid in bed until noon. I couldn't believe it. I haven't done that since high school. Once I got up I decided I was going to clean. My maid hasn't been here in the past two weeks (Yes I'm that spoiled girl that has a maid because I'm never home) and I love to clean but usually never have the time to do it. So today I decided I would stress relieve myself by cleaning. I know people freak out when I say that I love to clean but I do. My mom got onto me and told this is not the time to exhaust myself but I didn't because cleaning is a hobby. I cleaned out some stuff and cleaned a lot of things my maid doesn't. While I was cleaning today, I found my lazy dogs sleeping. Ha! Right now these are our three kids. Mikie and I may not have a human baby but we consider our dogs as our kids. We hate to be away from them, we spoil them, they are so excited to see us when we get home, and they love us unconditionally. I know when our miracle baby comes we will have some jealous fur babies.
Well tonight was shot #6. Tonight I wanted to reach over there and pull out my injection of menopur. I'm telling you that injection burns like HELL. I squeal, scream, and bite my finger every time. I'm so ready for that injection to be over with. The Cetrotide that I started last night doesn't burn but man it itches afterwards. I do have to say that tonight it didn't itch as long as it did last night. I do have a few marks on my stomach from the injections bruising me. My water balloons aka ovaries are ready to pop. I look like I'm pregnant already with all the bloating. I also do not have much of an appetite....I don't have room for the food because the water balloons are taking up all the space. I get hunger pains but once I eat... I'm miserable and ready to puke. I've been eating smaller portions and drinking a lot of water. Tomorrow we go for blood work and another ultrasound. I'm excited to see how big the eggs have gotten. I'm also nervous since he reduced my medication...I'm hoping it didn't make the progress slow down. Tomorrow night I will update you on my appointment and shot #7.
Well tonight was shot #6. Tonight I wanted to reach over there and pull out my injection of menopur. I'm telling you that injection burns like HELL. I squeal, scream, and bite my finger every time. I'm so ready for that injection to be over with. The Cetrotide that I started last night doesn't burn but man it itches afterwards. I do have to say that tonight it didn't itch as long as it did last night. I do have a few marks on my stomach from the injections bruising me. My water balloons aka ovaries are ready to pop. I look like I'm pregnant already with all the bloating. I also do not have much of an appetite....I don't have room for the food because the water balloons are taking up all the space. I get hunger pains but once I eat... I'm miserable and ready to puke. I've been eating smaller portions and drinking a lot of water. Tomorrow we go for blood work and another ultrasound. I'm excited to see how big the eggs have gotten. I'm also nervous since he reduced my medication...I'm hoping it didn't make the progress slow down. Tomorrow night I will update you on my appointment and shot #7.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
IVF Shot #5 Two Injections
Tonight was the night to start taking an additional injection. The new injection we added is to make me to stop ovulating. I couldn't remember how this shot felt so I was a little nervous. Today I went shopping with my sister all day. We love thrift store shopping together. We spend hours and hours in the stores. I knew I had to get back for my shot tonight so I got to her house early to give ourselves enough time to dig. We ended up spending too much time in the last store. I rushed home to get my injection. I was late but I'm just not letting the stress get to me. The last time I was on shots....I had an emotional break down when I was late for my shot. I've realized after all we've been through that it's not the end of the world. When I got home the shots were ready. I laid on the bed and Laurie gave them to me. She asked which one I wanted first and I told her neither. Lol. During the process we've found some humor. There hasn't been one night that we aren't laughing after shots. Anyways, she gave me the menopur shot first. Ugh.. that shot really burns. I know I keep saying that but it's the truth. I hate it. Next it was the new shot we started tonight Cetrotide. It didn't burn at all but afterwards the area itched. It felt like ants were biting me. We were headed to dinner afterwards and I was still itching. I know I shouldn't scratch the area but I can't help it. Ahh....only about 6 more days. I do know that taking two shots every night is going to make us run out of spots on my tummy fast. We try to alternate sides each night but it's hard to when you have to take two.....but I will survive. I survived the first time and I will this second time. We are getting closer and closer to egg retrieval.
I do want to thank everyone who has reached out to me recently, who is praying for us, who is keeping their fingers crossed, and my blog supporters. Mikie and I appreciate everything. You dont understand how much it means to us. Our journey has been tough but it's all of our supporters that have helped us keep pushing along. So far 2015 has been good to us and we are praying it continues to be good.
I do want to thank everyone who has reached out to me recently, who is praying for us, who is keeping their fingers crossed, and my blog supporters. Mikie and I appreciate everything. You dont understand how much it means to us. Our journey has been tough but it's all of our supporters that have helped us keep pushing along. So far 2015 has been good to us and we are praying it continues to be good.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Doctor Appointment & IVF Shot #4
We had an appointment this morning to check the progress of my follicles. I got my blood drawn and then we had an ultrasound. The last appointment you could barely see the follicles but today they were much bigger. The doctor was very impressed and said "Your body always reacts so well to the medication." I said "Yes it does but for some reason it doesn't to the transfers" He said, "I know, hang in there" I'm really staying positive this time but my statement was true. I always go in and they tell me how well my body does to the medication, how perfect my lining is, how I'm textbook material, etc but then my transfers don't work. IVF is so hard to go through when things don't work out because there is so much unknown science that you don't get your answers. Its not the doctors fault and I know my doctor wishes he had the answer. I know there is a reason why they didn't work and like I said in the past. Only God knows why and we will leave it at that. I did ask the doctor today what I could take for constipation. I wasn't sure if any medicine was off limits but I need some relief. I know that is TMI but for those of you going through it be prepared to be constipated. I feel so bloated from these eggs growing. I feel like I have two huge water balloons in my tummy. For those of you who haven't experienced this and are going to...just imagine period bloating times 100. It isn't painful yet but just uncomfortable. I'm definitely wearing only yoga pants and leggings.
A few hours after the appointment I received a phone call from my favorite nurse. She told me that my estrogen level was already at 900 and the doctor was very happy with my levels. She said that I could decrease my bravelle to 75 units and I start Cetrotride tomorrow. Cetrotride makes you stop ovulating. Tomorrow starts two injections...Ahhh. I'm so excited about all the good news we received. We will have another doctors appointment on Monday.
Well tonight I was worried how bad the injection was going to burn since we decreased the Bravelle. It burned alot...I started saying it's burning it's burning it's burning. Mikie started pinching my leg harder to help get my mind off it. Only 7 more days or so of shots. I'm ready for the egg retrieval to see how many embryos we get but my poor hubby isn't ready to give his sample. He said you do the walk of shame afterwards...lol. I do know that this egg factory is exhausted. I've been sleeping in longer and took a nap today. Its very unusual for me to be lazy. Im usually up at 630 am on weekends and I NEVER take naps. I never sit still long enough too. I swear I have ADD but all this process will wear you out.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
IVF Shot #3
Today starts a new year and new beginnings. 2014 was a year of ups and downs but we've grown so much as a couple. When you go through tough times it can take a toll on any relationship but I really have to say that we've grown so much. My husband is my number one fan. He continues to push me through my rough times. Today was a good day but I was emotional. Its crazy how all the hormones can make you either pissed really easy or cry over nothing. I had a little bit of both today. I owe so much to my husband after all that he has had to go through. He never complains and is always by my side. We had a simple night of celebrating New Years and we were asleep by 11pm. Ha! My husband heard fireworks go off around midnight and woke me up for our new years kiss. I love our simple life and wouldn't trade it for anything. We went to my mother in laws house for the usual peas and cabbage. Today I was smart and wore my yoga pants....no jeans for this girl right now. After eating and hanging out it was time to head home for our shot. We are to do the shot at the same time every night. I've learned that it's not the end of the world if it's not exactly the same time but we try to. Tonight we didn't have our photographer but we snapped a picture of our niece kissing my tummy. She wasn't as upset tonight as she was last night.
Tomorrow we go into the doctor to check our eggs. We will get to see how much they've grown and check my hormone levels. We can't wait to see how things are going.
From our family to your family...Happy New Year! For those of you struggling with fertility issues I send you lots of baby dust! It's a new year; therefore, start fresh with a positive attitude that this could be your year!
Tomorrow we go into the doctor to check our eggs. We will get to see how much they've grown and check my hormone levels. We can't wait to see how things are going.
From our family to your family...Happy New Year! For those of you struggling with fertility issues I send you lots of baby dust! It's a new year; therefore, start fresh with a positive attitude that this could be your year!
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