Roller Coaster from Hell

I've had some people wondering where I have been on my blog. I'm going to update you on the past week or so of our lives. Its been crazy busy and very exciting and then BAM........

Last week I drove into work two days. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I worked from home. It was nice to break it up this time and not stay home the whole two weeks. It wasn't stressful or anything. I do have to say that I felt very nauseous and I started spotting a dark brown. I started to freak out a little bit and began to ask around to people who had been pregnant before. Everyone comforted me and let me know that it was normal and it was probably implantation bleeding. I still made a phone call to my doctor about it. He said it could be a number of things but one thing that crossed his mind was that Im on blood thinners. Sometimes a symptom of blood thinners is that you will get spotting. He told me if it increased or got worse by Friday to call him back. I tried to relax and not think about it but every little pain I felt would make me nervous. Thursday night and throughout Friday I didn't really have any more spotting but cramps really bad. My cramps were like menstrual cramps and my mind started to think the worse. I don't think I would have been freaking out so bad if I wouldn't have already experienced a miscarriage before. On Friday, I went out to Walgreens and bought an at home pregnancy test. A surrogate friend of mine kept begging me to take a test, the IVF facebook pages I follow were posting pictures of their test, and a girl I met through IVF kept telling me to do so. I decided to go out on my own and purchase the test. I came home and took it right away.  I didn't even wait to do it with my morning pee. I took the test and let it sit for 3 minutes. At first I only saw one line show up and my heart sank. I decided to walk out and come back to check in a little bit. When I went back I couldn't believe my eyes....it had TWO pink lines. I took a picture of it and sent it to my surrogate friend and asked her if this was real. She said you are PREGNANT. I said how accurate is this test. She confirmed that it was pretty accurate. I called Mikie and asked him if he was sitting down. He said "Yes, why?" I said "I'm going to send you a text" He said "Is everything okay" I said "Yes, call me after you get it" I sent him a picture of the pregnancy test and said "So we are doing everything different this time I couldn't resist to take a test on my own. All my IVF girls I follow did too so why not. We got two pink lines. We are PREGNANT so far!!!!!" Once I sent the text my heart sank... I was so afraid he was going to be mad. The last three transfers we NEVER took a pregnancy test at home. He never wanted to do that because he didn't want to get a false negative or false positive. I always told him I didn't think there was such a thing as false positive but I knew there were false negatives. If I wouldn't had been following all the IVF pages and been pressured by my sweet surrogate friend Jade...LOL...I would have waited the whole two weeks. He called me right away and said "How accurate is this?" I said "Well Jade said its accurate" He said "OMG I'm so excited" He immediately called his mom and told his Dad. He said he was very excited but he wasn't going to be extremely excited until we talked to the doctor. For the next two days I peed on a pregnancy test. Saturday morning I peed on one and compared it to Friday's test. Then on Sunday morning I peed on another test and compared it to the last two. Then on Sunday afternoon I went out and bought a digital one and peed on it Sunday night and it said pregnant. I was so excited. My mom teased me and said "How many test are you going to take" LOL

Over the weekend I ended up breaking out in hives on my butt from the progesterone injection. The last time I was on the injections I ended up breaking out after I got the negative pregnancy test and was told to stop the injections. I sent a text to my nurse with a picture of my hives. She said I was having a reaction to the medicine. Her phone ended up dying in the process of talking to her. I couldn't take the pain and needed to put something on it but wanted the okay from the doctor before I did. I called the after hour clinic and spoke to a nurse on call. She told me to take Benadryl and I told her that she needed to call my doctor. She was looking for his number and couldn't find it right away.  I wanted him to tell me exactly what to do. I already knew that I was possibly pregnant but didn't want to tell that nurse that. She got ahold of my doctor and he said I could put a cream on the area and I could take a Benadryl by mouth. I did both of those and made it through the weekend. On Sunday my nurse sent me a text and apologized that her phone died. She said Dr. Kim wanted to see on Monday to look at my hives. I was so scared to tell her that I took a test at home. I know that they don't really recommend you taking a pregnancy test at home and I didn't want her or my doctor to be mad. Everyone kept telling me that I'm not the first or only one who has taken one at home. I sent her a text and told her I did something bad this time.....She wrote back and said What did you do. I said I took an at home pregnancy test. She wrote soo.....what did it say. I sent her a picture of the test and she said OMG....you are preggo...I freakin knew it! LOL She told to have Dr. Kim check my BETA on Monday when I go in for my hives. I do have to say that I love my nurse so much. We have been so blessed to have such an awesome nurse during our journey. It takes a special person to be a fertility nurse and Vanessa at HFI Katy does it the best!!!

Monday morning I get up and get dressed to go to the doctor. I call the doctor and they told me that he was in surgery on Monday morning but he would like to see me at 1pm. I called work and informed them that I would be working from home. I was scheduled to work in the office Monday and Wednesday this week. My boss was fine with me working from home. I went into the doctor at 1pm. I got there and of course right away they want you to get your blood drawn. I've never walked into that office without getting my blood taken. As I'm sitting there about to get my blood drawn, Dr. Kim comes over to talk to me about what is going on. I tell him about the Hives and then I told him that I took an at home pregnancy test. He smiled and said "And....what did it say" I said "It said I'm PREGNANT" He got so excited and ran over to me to give me the BIGGEST and TIGHTEST hug ever. He said "OMG I'm so excited. I can sleep at night now." We all started laughing. I know he has been just as stressed as we have been with each transfer. He said since I took an at home test then he would go ahead and check my BETA. After my blood work, I went into the room so that he could look at my hives. He looked and said that the hives looked much better than they did on Saturday from the pictures. He told me since I did get a positive pregnancy test he wanted me to continue putting cream and push through these injections for the next few weeks. I was fine with that because we don't know what helped this time but something worked. I don't want to change anything up and risk the chance of losing the baby/babies. After the appointment, it was a waiting game for that phone call about the blood work. I still wasn't a 100% convinced that I was pregnant...LOL. I was staying positive but I was still on pins and needles. I got a text an hour later from my favorite nurse. She is currently working at a different location because they are short handed. She sent me a text to tell me that my levels looked GREAT seeing that I was taking the test 4 days early. I started bawling my eyes out...its FOR REAL!!! Shortly after she sent that message, Mikie called me to see if I had gotten any news. I was crying and he started freaking out "What's wrong, what happened" I said "We are PREGNANT it is for REAL and I'm just so happy. I'm crying happy tears." He was so sweet and comforting on the phone. I think he was ready to cry himself. He is very emotional when it comes to the baby stuff. I don't care how "manly" you claim to be, when you go through fertility issues your emotions come out. I sent out text messages and made phone calls to family to confirm to them that we were pregnant. They were writing me back laughing saying...you were for real already pregnant. HA! I don't know why I wouldn't believe the at home test but I just wasn't completely convinced. LOL The doctor said he wanted to see me again on our normal testing day Thursday, February 26th. He wanted to check my levels again and make sure they were increasing.

Wednesday I went into the office to work for my one day this week. I told them at work about our BETA test on Monday. They were all very excited for me. After work, I had my acupuncture appointment. Chris wasn't at the Woodlands location today so I saw Kelly. I told her I was pregnant and she was so excited. It has been a little over a week since I've been to acupuncture. I was a little nervous tonight because my stomach is so sore from the blood thinners. My stomach its still very bruised and sore. Tonight she put about 8 to 10 needles in my scalp....I'm not going to lie but that sort of freaked me out. HA! It was very relaxing tonight and I didn't feel like driving home after that appointment.

Mikie has been so sweet to me since we found out on Monday. Everyone was telling me that I need to stay in a bubble for the next 8 months and I wrote back "Don't worry, Mikie has already been wrapping me with bubble wrap". We went out to eat on Monday and he said "Watch your step, be careful, don't slip, etc." It was hilarious. Every night and morning he talks to my stomach and rubs it. On his birthday he told me that I had the best gift ever in my stomach. It just melted my heart to hear him say that. He is so excited and don't worry he has been pampering me. He doesn't want me to lift anything, he has been cooking all my favorite meals, and has been doing house chores that he doesn't want me to do. I'm not exaggerating or lying when I say that I have the best teammate ever. He is so supportive and is truly the best husband in the world.

We went to the doctor yesterday morning. I do have to admit that I was still pretty nervous. You really wont understand why unless you have been through a miscarriage. It is the scariest thing ever. Plus Mikie and I both know we have gotten pregnant in the past but we didn't make it very far. We decided to wait until yesterday to announce to all of our blog fans and facebook friends. Well we didn't get a phone call in the morning and I have to admit it made me more nervous. Everyone kept telling me to stay positive and not stress. I was sitting at lunch when I got a phone call from the doctor. My level looked so good on Monday and today it has dropped tremendously. The doctor didn't want to make the call that I was miscarrying yet. He told me to stay on medication and come back on Monday for more blood work. It was so heart breaking. I cried and cried and couldn't believe what I was hearing. I began to text a few people to ask for prayers. I needed all the prayers I could get. When I woke up this morning I was cramping pretty bad. I felt in my heart that the pregnancy was over.....sure enough....I started miscarrying the baby/babies today. I called the doctor and they asked me to come in for blood work. I just looked out the window the entire way to the doctor. I cried and then I gathered myself and then I would cry again. Mikie didn't know what to say and kept rubbing my back. He told me that everything would be okay. When I walked into the doctors office I just wasn't myself and the nurses could tell. I got my blood work done and didn't say a word. I went to the bathroom after my blood work and the doctor came over to talk to Mikie. I lost it in the bathroom but waited until the tears stopped to go back out. When I walked out the doctor asked if I wanted to talk. We went into his consultation room and we began talking. I told him I just didn't understand. I don't get it why it doesn't work. He didn't have the answers and that is what sucks so bad about IVF. He said there have been a few other patients in the clinic not his but other ones that had similar situation. They would make it to their first BETA test but then the second test would be negative or dropping. One lady tried nine times before it worked and another did surrogacy. Mikie told him that he knew where he was coming from because sometimes he can't figure out what is wrong with a vehicle in his line of work. Our Doctor is going to talk our chart over with some of the other doctors in the clinic to see if they see anything different. I told Mikie we could go to 100 different doctors but no one is going to see anything different. On paper my body is A+ but it just won't accept the pregnancy. Our doctor was fine with us getting a second opinion but I don't think that is the issue. My levels always look good, the embryos have been tested and tested, it's just me. When we left the doctor Mikie was stronger than me. I cried on the way home. He looked at me and said "No matter what the outcome is of your blood today, no matter what we do next try again or surrogacy..I back you 100% on your decision. Its hard to go through this because we are playing God and only God can give us what we want. I won't love our baby any less if we go surrogacy or adoption and I won't ever love you any less. I have everything with just you and I won't ever leave you. Im by your side to death." I bawled my eyes out and I said "I feel like a failure and I feel like I've failed you." He said "You arent a failure and you didn't fail me. I love you for you." Wow talk about emotional ride home. Talk about a huge difference in my husband when it comes to faith. I really feel like you go through battles for a reason. I have to stay we've grown so much as individuals and as a couple. No matter what the outcome we always have each other and that is all that matters.

We cannot thank all of our family, friends, and blog supporters for all of your love, thoughts, and prayers. We had a lot of people rooting and praying for us this time. I know it would have never been possible to make it this far if it wasn't for all of you! Even though we didn't make it to the point we would have liked..we still wouldn't have made it this far without your love, support, and prayers. I do believe in miracles and I do believe that everything happens in God's time. Please continue your prayers because our journey isn't over. We don't know what our next step will be...trying again with me or surrogacy but either way we need prayers. It will be a long road ahead of us but we will make it.

If you are reading this and you are still struggling with fertility issues....I truly feel your pain. I hope you take this post as strength and hope that your time will come and not as a let down. Don't give up!! It is hard and it isn't easy. I've cried lots of tears, I've had trouble understanding why everything happens the way it does, and I want to give up so bad. Its hard to turn to people who don't understand what you are going through. It is hard to see everyone else getting pregnant but you cant dwell on those things. You have to understand that not everyone will understand what you go through and that is okay.  Trust me none of is it easy and God wouldn't choose you to go through such a tough battle if he didn't think you were such a STRONG warrior. Fertility issues SUCK and I know that for a FACT. Keep your head up even though it is easier to say than to do. I send Baby Dust to you all and pray that your day comes. I believe everyone deserves to be a mom. Our day will come.

Tomorrow I am cohosting a baby shower for one of my best friends. She told me that I didn't have to come and she would understand. Its going to be tough but I'm going. Its not like she doesn't deserve to be a mom. She deserves everything and I can't let my struggle take over me and make me selfish. Yes I would love for it to be me pregnant and for it to be a baby shower for my baby but you know life isn't always fair. I'm not going to make her suffer because of my loss. I'm stronger than that and I'm a better person than that. I've had alot of people reach out to me about my strength. I've tried to show true strength through all of this. If there is one thing I did learn from my mom it is strength. I watched her battle through breast cancer for years with chemo and radiation. She was in and out of the hospital...she never gave up and she never had a pity party for herself. I take that characteristic from her to keep pushing forward and know that my day will come. Yes when I'm down and out I say stupid things like "I'm not meant to be a mom" "I'm a failure" "I'm want to give up" Yes all those things cross my mind but I don't think I would have pushed through all that I have if I wasn't meant to be a mom. One way or another I will become a mom. It may take thousands of more dollars, thousands of more tears, sleepless nights and etc but we will get there. I've never wanted so bad to hold a baby that I call mine, to hear a little mini me call me Mom, to have sleepless nights in a rocking chair, or canceling plans with a friend because all I want to do is play with my baby. All those things that you mom's complain about....I look forward to and I want so bad. When you can't find a babysitter the next time and you are mad your missing out with friends...think to yourself that there is someone out there who wants what you have sooooo bad. Dont take for granted what you do have.

Acupuncture..First Day out

Sunday I was released off bed rest. I didn't want to do anything too stressful or hard on my body. I decided to take a little trip to Walmart and walk around. It was nice to get out and see daylight again. Once I got home I signed onto to work and caught up on emails. I worked pretty much on and off all day. It was nice to get caught up.

Last night my little niece and her mom came over to visit and bring me a valentine gift. She was so happy to see us but was mad that I couldn't hold her. She sat on the bed next to me when I got my shot. She kept asking me if I was okay. She didn't like that I had to get two shots. I rolled over to get the one in my stomach and she said hold my hand Auntie. When we got done she told Mikie it was his turn to get his shot. Lol. We all laughed. She sure does love her Auntie and cried so hard when she had to leave. I talked to her today and she was ready to come back. I bought us matching jackets and she told her mom "I put on my Tori jacket and I go to her house now." Lol. I think she had a clue that something is going on...I think jealousy is already coming out.

When I woke up this morning my allergies were horrible. I couldn't stop sneezing and my nose was running like crazy. I called the doctor to see if I could take Benadryl. He asked me not to take anything right now. You can take Benadryl when you are pregnant but he wants to wait. He is taking every precaution that he can. I'm fine with that but man I was suffering today. It lasted all day long and I'm still sneezing. I hate this Texas weather we have.

Today I had my acupuncture appointment. I had to go to the Houston location today because I worked from home. I drove to my sisters house and she drove us there. Chris was excited to see me today and asked me how my transfer went. He said he had a really good feeling about it. He put in several needles this time or at least it seemed that way. When he stuck one in my stomach he hit a sore spot and I almost came unglued. My stomach is so sore and bruised from the Heparin shots. He told me that my body is very sensitive from all the hormones too.

Tomorrow I go back to work for one day. I'm only going into the office twice a week. I'm trying to put as little stress on my body as possible. I'm very excited though to see all my coworkers. You spend so much of your time at work that your coworkers become family. All of them have been checking up on me and are excited to see me as well. I have my shot at 830am so I have to wait until my shot before I head in.

I've had alot of people ask about my acupuncture clinic. Here is a picture of his business card. If you are in the Houston or Woodlands area...I highly recommend Chris or Kelly. They are both wonderful.

Tonight was Progesterone Shot #11 and Heparin Shot #9. I'm tired of getting poked by needles but I just keep my mind focused on the prize. I hate the Heparin shot because my stomach is starting to thicken up and it's hard to push the needle through. I'm running out of spots on my stomach too. I don't really care for the progesterone injection either because I have so much progesterone in my body already. The more you add the more it burns and the area is very tender as well. I pretty much hate both injections but it's not the end of the world. I'm still freezing to death from the Heparin. I've also noticed that my gums are sensitive when I brush my teeth. When I floss my gums bleed so easy. Other than all those wonderful side effects and details...I'm surviving. Ha! All of this pain will all be worth it when I have my miracle baby.

Here is a picture of my stomach with all the bruising.

We are only 10 days away from result day!!! I told Mikie today that I'm so relaxed this time. I'm not in a rush for testing day like I was in the past. I don't know if it's that I'm really just calm this round from acupuncture or if I just dont want to face that day. I'm staying positive but it's still a hard day to face when you've been let down so much in the past. He has been so supportive and reminds me that we are in this together. No matter what we always have each other. I do want to thank all of you for your continued prayers and support. It means alot to us! We've gained so much support from our blog. We are so blessed to have all the prayers and support! Team Baby Fisher!!!

Progesterone, Heparin, and update

This is what you do on bed rest...snap chat friends and coworkers. Lol. 

The last few days have been relaxing laying around on bed rest. I've slept more lately than I ever have. I have to say that I've actually enjoyed bed rest this time. My friend Ruthie showed up after I woke up from my nap on transfer day. She has been staying over to keep me company. Its helped having her here because it's allowed Mikie to still be able to work. He would stay home with me but I know he has alot to do with his businesses. Thursday night we started taking the Heparin shot in the stomach. The needle we got that night was a dud. It didn't have a hole for the medicine to come out. We didn't figure out until the needle was in and Laurie tried to push it out. It went side ways and all sorts of stuff. Talk about HURT!!!! I broke out in tears...I was ready to toss in the towel. My body is done with the needle poking but we got a new needle and medicine. It worked fine the second time. I have to take this shot every morning and night. Laurie comes over at 830 am to do the shot in the morning. No more sleeping in for me. Ha!

Friday my sister came down to hang out. Her and I have a little side job on ebay. She came and organized all my bins and helped me with ebay. I laid on the couch and watched. She always comes to visit me while on bed rest. I love that crazy woman.

Today Jaime came over and said she was bringing a surprise visitor. I was in shock and happy when Haley walked through the door. She brought me flowers and Jaime brought a GiGi cupcake. I was laying in the recliner and they sat around on the couch talking. We caught up on a lot of stuff and we went down memory lane. Oh the good ole crazy days we had in jr. high and high school.  Haley and I have been friends for over 15 years but haven't been as close as we use to be. We have recently reconnected and she has been such a big supporter throughout my journey.

Jaime and Ruthie stayed and Mikie cooked us some fajitas. He is such an amazing cook. Jaime had a teaching session on how to heat up tortillas...I have to say it was quiet hilarious. Especially since she is the whitest mexican girl you will ever meet! Ha! Ruthie and I couldn't stop laughing at them in the kitchen.

Overall today was a great day. My hubby surprised me with a set of twin bears and flowers. He said he couldn't pass up the bears. I told him not to get me anything because he already does every thing for me. He shows his love everyday....but you know men....they are stubborn. Lol!

Well tonight was shot #8 of the progesterone. This shot in the butt is starting to hurt. I think once you pump your body with so many hormones it starts to become more tender and burn going in. Tonight Laurie had to go to a function with the kids school so I had Momma Frances (Kristinas mom) come save the night to do the shots. She is use to needles and giving injections since she works at a doctors office. She came in and bam we were done with both injections. I'm so glad she lives in the same town as me and is here if we need her. Its very hard sometimes for Laurie to dedicated every night because she is busy with the kids functions.

Everyone keeps asking how long we have to be on the shots and I really don't know. I think I'm on them until we hear the heart beat and then they change it to a pill form of progesterone. The blood thinner I have no idea. I know that I've been freezing all day today. I had the heat on, space heater, two quilts, and a hoodie on. I went to sleep and slept for 3 hours today. When I woke up the temperature in the house said 90 degrees. I was comfortable but Ruthie was dying lol. Plus she knew Mikie would be home soon and he HATES heat. She turned back on the AC to cool down the house. Today I officially know how grandma's feel when they say they are cold. Ha! Oh you gotta love blood thinners and hormones!!

Oh and the best part is I got to take a shower today!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about the most exciting part of my day. Lol. I hate going to bed without a shower. It felt amazing. Mikie had to set the temperature because I like to take steaming hot showers but the doctor said luke warm. Well tomorrow ends my bed rest time but I will still take it easy. I won't be doing much until Monday. I have an acupuncture appointment in Houston. Other than that I'm still going to take it easy. I don't want to over do it. Last night and today I've felt a little nauseous...I hope this is a good sign!! ;)

I have to say that this time I've been very positive. I'm not as anxious to take the test yet. I'm going with the flow and taking it day by day. I appreciate all of your prayers, love, comments, and thoughts. We really do have the greatest support system. We are only 12 days away from result day!

Shot #4 &5 and The BIG Transfer Day

Tuesday night I went to Rosenberg for my spray tan date with Kristina. I tried spray tan the first time last week and bought a small package. I wanted to go one more time before transfer. Its more like airbrush tan because someone does it...it isnt a machine. I love the lady who does it. She make us laugh with her stories and Kristina make the two us almost pee our pants. She has no shame in her game. LOL! Since I was in Rosenberg I let her give me my shot. We didnt have her mom to guide us through it but I do have to say she is becoming a pro. We had to have her husband come help tell us when the medicine was out of the needle. It is very hard to do on your own especially when your new at it. He was so shocked how I didn't flinch or anything. He said "I give you so much credit for doing this. You are so strong." His words meant alot to me. Wednesday night Laurie has church so I asked Kristina if I could come back to get my shot done by her again. I didnt want Laurie to have to miss church or have to come back to give me my shot. I had my acupuncture appointment yesterday after work. It was my final appointment before transfer. Chris wasn't at the Woodlands location so I saw another girl. She was awesome and so sweet. She put in all the needles and then hooked up the machine to the needles that were in my stomach. I laid there for my session and fell asleep. Once the session was done she gave me a pep talk about transfer day. She explained how to stay calm and relaxed during the 2 week wait period. Once I left there I was ready for bed but had a long drive to Rosenberg. I got to Kristinas house right before 8 to do the shot. She was in the middle of doing hair so we went into the bedroom and did the shot really fast. I was in and out of her house within 20 minutes. Talk about an IVF quickie...HA! I'm very surprised at how well she does with my shots seeing how she hates needles as much as I do. Her husband on the other hand freaks out a little bit because that needle is so long. She asked him to hold it when she was done so she could massage the area and he was asking for the top. He couldn't stand to look at it. Ha!

Today was the BIG day!!!! Last night I had my pineapple....it wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be. This morning we woke up and we both were exhausted. My poor husband has been working his butt off and has been very stressed. I havent been as stressed but extremely tired from all the medication. Once we took our showers and put on our "Good Luck" shirts it was like our moods changed immediately. I didnt get my halloween good luck socks so I found some fuzzy warm socks that were pink and blue stripped; however, I could only find one. I called Laurie and she had a solid blue one. I said I'll take it and I wear mismatched socks. We had a pep talk in her kitchen and she told me everyone at the Cowboy Church prayed for me last night. It made me feel very good inside. My phone started blowing up with text messages, my face book started going off, and I was getting phone calls. We were both getting so excited. My nurse was sending us a text this morning. She wanted a picture of us in our Good Luck shirts. We took one together with me taking the picture but you couldnt see all the shirt. I had my sister retake the picture on our way out of the hospital. We went to check in and everyone was commenting on our shirts. They loved them. We sat down on the couch and waited to be called. My sister and my mom showed up shortly after. Right as they were sitting down the nurse called us to come back. I gave my mom and sister and hug and then the nurse asked us if they were with us. I told her yes and she explained that I could take 3 people back with us. She said Mikie was one and then my sister and mom would make 3. I was in complete shock and I was so excited. I told them and they were super excited. The nurse said she would come back to get them. We went into a small room to get my blood pressure taken, arm band put on, to sign a few papers, and take my medication. They gave Mikie his jump suit to put on and then I had to put on my gown. Once we got ready she went to get my mom and sister. We were laughing so hard at them putting on the jump suit. I swear we were the redneck family in there. HA! Before we went back Dr Kim came in to talk to us. He met my family and went over the embryos. They thawed out very well and the girl is Good and the boy increased to Good/Fair instead of just Fair. I was so pleased to hear that news. He asked me if I wanted to play any music or anything this time. He loved our shirts and was so excited to have my mom and sister join us. It was time to head to operating room. We all headed that way and they got me situated. The nurse started putting the ultrasound jelly on my stomach to look and see how full my bladder was. We found the spot where the embryos would go and the doctor got prepared. He did everything four times today since we were wearing 4 leaf clovers. He explained every step in more detail since it was my mom and sisters first time in there. We got an awesome picture of the embryos being placed inside. The picture is better than any other picture we've gotten in the past. Once we were done then I went into recovery for 30 minutes. He came and talked to us before we left and told me to take it easy. I'm on bedrest for 3 days and I cant shower until Saturday night. AHHH!!! I hate that part the most. I take two showers a day and now I have to go two days without a shower. Its okay because I took an extra long shower this morning. HA! Once we left the hospital we stopped and got McDonald's french fries. I'm not sure what the theory is behind that but we wanted to follow everything we read. I told Mikie we could get fries from there but I didnt want a burger...I hate McDonalds burgers so we stopped at another place to get a burger and he got a hot dog. We got home and I crawled in bed. He crawled in bed with me and watched TV and rubbed my back. I fell asleep for about 4 hours. I woke up and a friend was here to check on me. I'm now laying in the recliner resting and chit chatting with Ruthie.

Tonight I start my Heparin blood thinner shot and continue my progesterone shot. Today was an awesome day!!! I appreciate all the phone calls, text messages, facebook comments, and prayers. I have the BEST supporters in the world. We wouldnt have made it this far if it was for all of your continued support. Now we have the two week count down. I'm not going to get anxious and take it day by day. I know God has a plan and his plan is bigger and better than any that I've dreamed of. Our two Baby Fishers are trying to find there spot to grow for the next 8 months. Keep the prayers coming!!

Shot #3 and Ifly

Today my best friend took me to Ifly for a sky diving experience. She booked this flight about two weeks ago when I found out when my transfer would be. She wanted to do one last adventure before my transfer. I always let that woman talk me into things that I normally wouldn't do. I told her that I was still recovering from our Vegas Zip Line. I let her talk me into that too and I was cussing her name the whole way. They had to push me down the zip line because I wouldn't jump. LOL! We had so much fun today. Once we were done we were ready to call and make an appointment for sky diving. We told our instructor that I was having a transfer on Thursday and he told us to call today to make an appointment....HA! We thought hard about it but decided we would wait and do it for our 30th birthday. Jaime is always so good at taking care of me. The last three transfers she spent the 3 days of bed rest with me. I asked her to come visit me this weekend and of course she always says "YES". I'm spoiled with her friendship that we've had for over 16 years.

Here are a few pictures of from today....we are a hot mess together! ;)

Tonight was shot #3. I dread these shots every night. The actual shot doesnt hurt but the next couple of days the area is soooooooo SORE. Our bed is super tall and I was trying to get out of bed this morning. The way I jumped on my butt I about came unglued. I started whining and Mikie began to massage the area for me. I told him "Note to myself to never do that again." I was ready to cry.....it is so painful. Luckily Mikie was right there by me to help massage the area to make it feel better. I swear I'm so lucky to have him in my life. We went to eat lunch after IFly and I told Jaime that I never realize how spoiled I am until I go out with Mikie. I actually have to do things for myself...HA! He always does everything for me...not because I expect it but that is just the type of man he is. Tonight I was working on some stuff when Laurie came over. I kept stalling around and she said "Lets do this...its 8pm." I was dreading the shot tonight. The first night I was nervous and last night I was nervous but tonight I had to go back to the same area that already had a shot. I hate when I start having to do the same butt cheek that already had a shot....you eventually run out of spots. I mean I have enough butt to really never run out of spots but you have a limited area you can do shots in...LOL. It took about 5 minutes to do the shot and massage the area afterwards. After the shot we sat around the living room telling stories and laughing so hard. We always enjoy a few good jokes, stories, and laughs. I showed them our Good Luck Shirts. I washed them today and it made me get even more excited about the transfer.

 I hope these next three days fly by at work. I have alot of things planned for this week. A vendor is taking a few us out for lunch, my coworkers planned our traditional good luck lunch, spray tan appointment with Kristina, and acupuncture. Busy...Busy...Busy week but we are ready to transfer our two embryos. I've been praying extra hard this weekend and will being praying even harder the closer it gets. I know our time will come but I sure hope God thinks its time for us to be parents...WE ARE READY!!!!

Shot #2

I suffered the worst migraine today. I felt so horrible all day today. I believe it had to do with my first shot. Anytime my hormone levels rise, I get a migraine. I've been lucky this round not to suffer through so many migraines. Today I took a nap with my little niece. We slept for about 3 to 4 hours. It was amazing! I'm hoping that I don't have anymore for a while. Migraines are the worse thing to experience.

This morning my mother in law had a spell and went to the hospital. My husband spent most of the day with her. Tonight he wanted to go check on her again at home but we knew we had my shot to at 8pm. We didn't want to have to wait that long and we weren't going to make it home in time to do the shot. I called my best friend Kristina to see if she could give it to me. She lives about 2 miles away from my mother in law. I went to her house and her mom was there. Her mom helped out last time and gave me a few of the shots. She did a teaching session with Kristina on how to do the shots. I was a little nervous...not because I didn't trust her but it was someone new doing the shot. I got the injection ready with the medicine. It doesn't bother me to do that part. I gave it to her mom to switch the needles because I'm not good at that part. I laid on Kristinas bed and kept stalling. She said..Girl lay down let's do this. Lol. She rubbed the spot with alcohol and I told her to let it dry some because alcohol burns if it's top wet. She started to blow on the area of my butt and said "Shit just got real. My face is an inch away from your butt and I'm blowing on it". We died laughing so hard. She did the injection and it was over in no time. Once she got done with the shot she began to massage the spot for me. You have to massage the area afterwards to make the oil move around and to prevent knots in the muscle. Anyone who has given someone shots can do injections but the thing with progesterone is that it's very thick. You can't push it in very fast because one it's too thick and two you will make it knot up. I have to say for her first progesterone injection she did AWESOME. I always cant count on her for anything...we are more than best friends...more like sisters. I love knowing I have other people to do the injections in case anything happens. We always have Laurie but cases like tonight we had some else to cover since we had to go to Rosenberg.

We are only 5 days away from transfer!!! Woo hoo!! Thank you for the continued support and prayers. They mean the world to us!

Doctor Update/Progesterone Shot #1

This morning we had our final appointment before transfer. I had my blood drawn and an ultrasound. It was a fast appointment but of course we had some questions about my injection. I wanted to make sure there wasn't a certain time frame I needed to do the shot in. I'm trying to juggle my schedule and Laurie's schedule. He told me there wasn't any specific time I needed to do the shot but it must be done at the same time every night. The best time that works for both Laurie and I is 8pm. Since we had to agree on a time that is late at night the doctor decided to have me start the injections tonight. We were going to start on Saturday but my transfer is schedule for the morning time. He wanted me to have five full days of progesterone before my transfer; therefore, I had to start injections tonight. As we were leaving the doctors office I told Mikie that I found a green shirt that I was going to buy for the both of us to wear on the day of the transfer for good luck. He told me he wanted me to eat pineapple the night before and he was taking me for McDonalds french fries after the transfer. I laughed and said "You've been doing your research, huh?" He smiled and said "Yes" I thought to myself how cute it was that he had been on google about good luck ideas for IVF. If you research good luck for IVF they will say the following:

1.) Wear green on the day of the transfer.
2.) Eat pineapple the day before the transfer.
3.) Wear good "luck" socks. You have to wear socks in the operating room for the transfer so pick out some cute ones.
4.) Eat McDonald's french fries after the transfer.

I have no idea why they say to do those things but we never did them in the past....so we are going to do it this time. Since our baby's due date will be near Halloween I'm thinking about wearing some Halloween socks. :) Some ladies talked about wearing Christmas socks because their baby's due date would be around Christmas. I absolutely cant stand pineapple but I'm going to suffer through it and eat some. I went to the store tonight and bought Mikie and I matching Green T-shirts. It says Good Luck Shirt. All the stores have out the St. Patrick's shirts so it was perfect timing. Last night I went with a couple of coworkers to get pedicure/nails done. I got a pedicure recently so I just let my nail lady massage my feet. I decided to do my nails again. I never do my finger nails because I rather get pedicures and I'm too cheap to have to keep up with nails. In the past before transfers I always paint them blue and pink. I couldn't go into this transfer without my tradition.  I'm getting so excited about the transfer. I found a quote today about worrying and how it doesn't change anything and steals away your joy. Throughout the day when I start to feel worried I've been reminding myself about that quote. I cant worry about the transfer....I'm leaving it in God's hands.

My blood work came back good and they sent me my instructions for the next two weeks. I start 2cc progesterone tonight and take it every night at the same time. The day before the transfer I start on a zpack to make sure I don't have any infection. The morning before we go to the transfer I start Heparin injection. I have to take the Heparin injection in the morning and at night along with progesterone injection. I'm a little nervous about that injection. I have to do the injection below the belly button. The doctor told me that I will bruise but it is all normal. I do all of this until the pregnancy test result day. I'm currently scheduled for February 26th but I asked the doctor if I could move it up to Mikies birthday on the 24th. He said it wasn't too early and I could do that. I haven't changed the appointment and told Mikie we could decide later. He is okay with taking it on his birthday so I guess we will see. We will find out the results around Mikie's birthday and the due date will be around my birthday. I'm praying that this year we both have the GREATEST birthday's ever! ;)

Well tonight was Progesterone Shot #1!!!!!! I picked up my niece tonight to come stay the weekend. I was on the phone with Mikie talking about the shot. When I got off the phone we had the following conversation:

Audrina: "Auntie do you have to take a shot tonight"
Me: "Yes. Are you going to hold my hand for me?"
Audrina: "Yes I will hold your hand. Are you doing the shot in the tummy?"
Me: "No I have to do this shot in my butt"
Audrina: "Ewwwwwww"

I love this little girl to death.The rest of the way home she talked about my shot.

Laurie came over to do the shot and Audrina got on the bed to hold my hand. Laurie watched youtube videos on how to do intramuscular injections. I think the last time we did a few of them too low and I was really sore. She learned alot today and was prepared to give me the injection. I was really nervous when I laid down on the bed. She took the alcohol wipe and started cleaning the area. When she touched me with the alcohol wipe, I jumped. LOL. We all started laughing. Audrina was right next to me holding my hand. The injection didnt hurt at all. It burned a little bit because of the alcohol. Once she got done, she began to massage the area for me. Audrina looked at Mikie and said "Mikie you kiss her bobo." HA! We laughed so hard.

Well....Shot #1 is DONE!!! The count down begins. I'm so excited about this month. We have so much going on. Transfer, Mikie's Birthday, Result Day, and I'm cohosting my best friends baby shower. I couldnt be more blessed right now. All we can do is pray and ask God to answer our prayers. Thank you again for all of your support. It means the world to Mikie and I.

A Voice

Yesterday was my weekly acupuncture appointment. It was a really good session and came at the perfect time. I was extremely exhausted and stressed that day. I felt amazing after my session. I will be so glad when the auditors are gone. I would have to say that the worse part of being an accountant is dealing with audits. AHHH!! They suck the life out of you. HA! Every time I go in for acupuncture Chris has a list of questions to ask me. He ask these questions to find out where to put the needles and what I need help with. I explained to him that I'm having a lot of trouble going to sleep. I use to be able to hit the bed and pass out immediately....now I cant get my brain to shut off or unwind to go to sleep. It takes me a lot longer and its been very frustrating. I told him that I've been so nervous about this next round. He told me there was nothing to be worried about because he really thinks its going to work this time. I was talking to a co worker today and told her the same thing. I told her I was really nervous to because if it didn't work I wasn't sure how I was going to turn to my blog. She said "Don't be nervous. I really feel like this is your time. If it isn't your time, you have a whole support system from your blog." She is correct. I have had so many people reach out to me. I have old friends contacting me, strangers contacting me, people reaching out to me for their friends who are going through the same thing....its been amazing. I've gained so much support and friends. People tell me how they admire my strength to create a blog knowing that the world can read it. I've had them tell me how they've gotten so much advice from my blog on how to handle situations with their friends who are going through IVF. I've had people tell me how they cant speak out about their issues but love that I do. I'm so proud to be a voice about fertility issues. I hope I'm the voice for those who don't have the strength to blog or the voice for those who don't know how to talk about what they are experiencing. I urge you to share this blog with your friends so they can see and know exactly what you are going through. You should never be ashamed of your issues because as I've said in the past infertility is a condition. It is a VERY common condition that so many of us face in the world. We don't realize how many people have issues because it has always been so hush hush. 

The past week or so I've been in a blah mood. I'm extremely exhausted from work and medication. I've had a million things run through my mind about my transfer that is only 8 days away!!!!!! I pray everyday and really have asked God to keep giving me the strength. Some days are easier than others and really the emotions are just part of the journey. It is easy for outsiders to say to stay positive and keep praying but it is a lot harder to do those things. I've been pretty good about doing it but some days I lean towards negative thoughts. No matter what happens though....it will be what God wants it to be. I'm so lucky to have such a supportive husband. He has been my biggest rock during everything. I can break down and bawl my eyes out one night....and he is right there wiping my tears away. He encourages me and reminds me that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. He is always right beside me cheering me on. I'm so lucky to have him. I follow a few IVF facebook pages and it breaks my heart when I hear about husbands who aren't supportive. No matter who has the issue, you really have to work as a team during this journey. If you try to point the finger and have no respect for the other's feelings then you will make this journey so much harder. Some days are tough because one of you may have a bad day but at the end of the day you have to remind each other you are in this together. I've also been a little down and out because my first due date is approaching. When we did the transfer the very first time, we were told that our due date was February 7th. I cant believe its been almost 9 months since the first pregnancy announcement. We still remember that phone call that we were pregnant like it was yesterday. Mikie said besides our wedding day it was the happiest day of his life. Then I remember the phone call from the doctor about the miscarriage. I heard of several women experiencing a miscarriage but you truly do not know how it feels until you walk in those shoes. No matter how far along you were pregnant it hurts just as bad. I still have our first ultrasound of those two framed in our house. We will never forget that experience but we know that God needed them more than we did. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. 

Well we are only 8 days away from transfer day!!!! It seems like this day is approaching so fast. At work the girls and my boss always take me out to lunch the day before my transfer. Yesterday my coworker sent out the calendar invitation. I knew my transfer was close but when she sent the invite I thought "WOW its next week" HA!  My coworkers have been such a great support system. They have been there for me throughout my entire journey. Even though I never wanted to experience IVF transfer this many times...its nice that my coworkers support has only grown stronger each time. They weren't going to let me go to this next transfer without our tradition at Lupe Tortilla. :) I really do work with the GREATEST co-workers ever. 

The days are flying by and I cant wait until next Thursday. We will go to the doctor on Friday for another ultrasound and blood work. I find out on Friday when I should start my progesterone injections. I will either start them Friday night or Saturday night. I'm not looking forward to those injections because it's a thick oil mixture.... but I've turned into a pin cushion throughout this journey and no needle is going to hold me back. I've got this!!! The day of the transfer I will start my blood thinner injections. Those needles are so tiny that I believe they will be a breeze. I will update my blog after my doctors appointment on Friday. 

Again, I appreciate all of your support, prayers, and love. I truly have some amazing people in my life. I appreciate the emails, comments, phone calls, and text. If you know someone going through IVF and you don't know what to say a simple "Thinking about you." "Praying for you" means a lot. You don't have to say much because its the thought that counts. Thank you to all my supporters!!!!

To all of you that are struggling with fertility issues...remember you have a voice....let it be heard. Don't worry about what other's think or say. You speak out, cry, scream, complain, etc.....it's your voice after all. No one will truly understand your pain until they walk your shoes. You don't need everyone to understand because not everyone will. Your supporters will understand and that is all that matters. Surround yourself with positive people and let go of the negative ones. Baby Dust to all of you!