The Fisher Journey: July 2015

Last Monday was our graduation day from the fertility clinic. I thought I was emotionally prepared but I wasnt. We walked in and let Jade get changed. We stood outside in the hall talking with the nurse. When Jade said she was ready the nurse followed us in and I said with a sad voice, "Where is Dr. Kim?" She told me he was running late from surgery and should be there soon. She asked me if I wanted to wait on him. I think at first she thought I didn't want her to do the ultrasound. I said, "Oh no you can do the ultrasound. I just wanted to tell him bye since it's our last appointment." I could feel the emotions coming when I said that. All I could think about was not being able to see him for my last appointment. She began the ultrasound and we saw Baby A. Oh my goodness has she grown and she was so active. We watched her kick and move all around. Her nose and ears looked so perfect and her heartbeat sounded just as beautiful as it always does. Mikie's face was priceless. He watched the video of our last appointment since he was sick but it is a different experience when you are actually at the appointment. Lisa (the nurse) took her time with Baby A and pointed out all her body parts that had formed. She was fixing to move to Baby B and there was a knock on the door.....IT WAS DR KIM!!!!! He said, "Do you mind if I join?" Of course we didn't and Jade she has no shame. The more the merry. We watched Baby B and then sat in the room talking. Dr. Kim explained to us not to fear that the babies are being squished. He explained how it all worked with twins and stuff. After we talked in the room, we all left so Jade could get dressed. Lisa presented me with a cute bag full of goodies that included two onesies with their logo. My little girls will proudly wear those onesies. If it wasn't for God or HFI they wouldn't be here! Dr. Kim gave me a hug and the tears began. I thought I was prepared mentally but I wasnt. I couldn't stop the tears and began to cry. I almost had them all in tears. Mikie was rubbing my back and knew I was going to cry. He explained to Ryan how close I've gotten to all the staff in the year and half I've been there. I told them all with tears in my eyes, "This wouldn't be so hard if I would have stayed pregnant the first or second time. Its been over a year and I've grown so close to all of you. I looked forward to this day but not so much once I got attached." Dr. Kim told us he is only a phone call away if we need anything. The entire office plans on attending our benefit. I have all of them on my Facebook and will keep in touch. It won't be the same and I will miss all their smiling faces. They are truly a major part of why we continued to push through. If it wasn't for their smiles, hugs, support, and passion for their job....I would have QUIT. I look back on day one when I had to give 13 vials of blood. I thought I was going to faint but Vanessa sat with me and talked to me the whole time. We talked about shopping, drinks, etc...I never even thought about the needle being in my arm. I think about stepping into the office after each failed cycle with tears in my eyes...Lisa and Vanessa would meet me with great big hugs. I think about all the times they would pick on Mikie about giving blood. They loved to tease him about anything and everything. I think about Dr. Kim being lost for words after this last miscarriage. He knew there was nothing he could say or do to help me stop crying. He told me he understood if I wanted to get a second opinion....heck that made me cry more. I told him I didn't want any other doctor and I didn't blame him one bit. I'm so glad I stuck with Dr. Kim and his staff. I pushed through when I had no fight left in me. I was zombie in the day. I woke up just because God let me live another day but I was only going through the motions. I pumped and pumped my body with medicine until literally I couldn't do it anymore and didn't want to face disappointment. Dr Kim supported me during the whole surrogacy and immediately Jade saw the connection I had with the office. The day I dreamed of and anxiously counted down for at the beginning was finally here...graduation day. It was a bittersweet day! I will NEVER forget Dr. Kim and all his staff. They will always have a special spot in my heart.

We got Jade signed up for an individual insurance policy!!!! Yay!!!! The stress of medical coverage is gone...I don't have to worry about cobra or paying out of pocket. Paying out of pocket doesn't sound so bad until you think about the unknown things. Jade could be put on hospital bed rest or anything. We needed the coverage for unexpected cost like that. I'm so relieved we got it!

Jade, Ryan, and Hayden came to our house for the 4th of July. Mikie cooked and we all hung out. My parents were coming through town and stopped by to meet Jade. My dad let Ryan take his corvette for a spin while my mom visited with Jade. I was so excited they finally got to meet her and her family. Later in the day, Mikie's dad and Laurie came over to meet them as well. Our family has finally met her and they all love her! 😊 Ryan and Hayden rode the four wheeler all through the pasture and down the driveway. Jade and I worked on the board and decided to finally announce the names. We only told our family and some of them couldnt keep a secret and they were told to others. We decided to announce and next time we will keep the names to ourselves!!! 😁Mikie and I have always had one girl name picked out and that was Zoey. When we found out we were having twin girls, I started to change my mind on names. I wanted the names to rhyme. I picked out three names ending in -ley. I decided that it would be too big of a tongue twister to have two names ending in ley. Mikie and I agreed on Kinsley and Zoey. I looked at all kinds of name apps. You could look up names starting with a certain letter or names ending a certain way. Everyone has asked how we know they are both girls. During IVF you have the option to do chromosome testing. One of the main reasons IVF doesn't work is because of chromosome issues. In the process of testing the chromosomes they find out if it's a boy or girl. You can opt out not to know but we couldn't wait to find out. We ended up with 10 girls and 4 boys. My husband is a girl producing machine. We used all the boys in previous transfers and only had girls left. We have heard about some couples finding out the embryo was a different gender. We have a boy name picked just in case but we are almost 99% sure they are both girls.

I couldn't wait to touch Jade's belly on Saturday. Ryan had called me later in the week to tell me that her belly had grown. I immediately had to see it when she got to my house. I pushed on her belly and it was soft. Mikie even touched her belly and wasn't weird about it either. I was worried about him with the whole surrogacy. I didn't know how he would react being in the same room when she is partly undressed or touching her belly. I think he is just so excited about his two princesses that he let's everything else go out the window. He has been researching girl beds/rooms. He found two princess beds that he wants to build or buy for the girls. I smile and laugh to myself....I never dreamed of this day with my husband. I never dreamed of the big manly side of him to melt down the way it does about his two girls. I've always explained to people he has a soft side and he has started to show is soft side more to people. I love his soft and calm side.

Today Jade made our appointment for the high risk doctor. We will go on September 4th for the anatomy scan. We are excited and can't wait. Heck actually I'm just ready for the July 15th appointment. I got so use to going every week that it's killing me. Today Jade took video of her finding the babies' heartbeats with the at home doppler we have. It seems like Kinsley is going to always be stubborn when it comes to finding her heartbeat. She is going to have her mommie's personality for sure. I'm so stubborn and was especially stubborn in my younger days! Lord help us now! 😂😂

We ordered the raffle tickets and they will be ready on Friday. I'm so excited to start selling them. We are coming along with live auction donations as well. I have a feeling that it's going to be a great fundraiser. I'm so thankful for our friends and family who have helped us out so much. We will never be able to thank you enough. I've had alot of people ask me how I am able to speak out about my journey. I show my weaknesses, my flaws, and all of my feelings. I decided to speak out because I knew eventually people would find out about my journey...why not be the one who tells them the story and the TRUTH of it all. I didn't think anyone should hear the story from others but to be able to read it for themselves. I wanted to help other women who are going down the same path to realize they aren't alone....for them to see the feelings they are feeling are normal. We all try to hide things they may show us hit rock bottom. I don't care what people think about me or their opinions. It means nothing to me. I know my true followers and supporters will support me and that is all that matters. Yes people follow my blog who really just want to read about my failures and want to make fun of how I can't conceive.....that is fine. Continue to read and make fun of me because it means nothing to me and jealousy looks sick on you. I know alot of women who fight this battle everyday with their inlaws, friends, or enemies. Dont try to make them understand but just shake them off. I've learned that misery loves company and some people's misery will NEVER gain my company. Dont try to paint an image for others because the truth is this journey is tough!!! You need all the support you can get and the more open you are about it...the more supporters you will gain.

Thank you to everyone for all of your continued support. I know some of you have reached out to me saying you feel like a "stalker" for following my story. Please don't feel like a stalker and thank you for reaching out to me and for all of your support. Mikie and I will never be able to thank all of you for your support. We seriously have the BEST support system around!!!! 😊