When Mikie and I found out that we had to do IVF we were shocked and didn't know what to do. My best friend had a couple she knew who just went through IVF and was successful. She contacted the wife and Ashley told her that I could contact her if I wanted to. I found her on facebook and we talked for hours that night. I cried as I listened to her heart speak out to mine. It was like she had known me forever. She poured out her heart and their entire journey to me. She even sent me the link to her blog. It was from that day on that I decided to be open about our journey. I started this blog back then but as you can see I never came back to update it. Ashley has been updating her blog and asked if I would type up my story that she could share on her blog. Below is what I sent to her.......
My husband and I had been together for six years when we
finally got married June 2012. Shortly after getting married the questions
started “When do you two plan on trying for a kid?”. What seemed like such a
simple question soon began to be a dagger to the heart.
I went for a normal woman checkup and during my appointment
I brought up that my husband and I had been trying to conceive for almost a
year. She told me that it was in my best interest to get tested. I signed up
for the HCG test and did the hormone level blood work checkup. All the tests
came back normal. She then wrote up orders for my husband to get his sperm
checked. He took the sperm analysis test twice, the first one the numbers were
everywhere and the second test told us exactly what we thought the problem was.
He went to a Urologist and found out he had low motility. He was put on a pill
for six months. After the six months, nothing changed and we were still not
successful. We were then referred to go to a fertility specialist.
Fertility Specialist, sounds like a very scary name when you
are so unfamiliar with what is going to happen or what the next step is going
to be. I remember being so nervous and ready to faint when I walked in. All
kinds of things ran through my head, “Is he going to tell us that we can never
conceive”, “Are we going to have to do IUI or IVF”, “How much is it going to
cost”, etc. I remember the day of appointment I researched the difference between
IUI and IVF. I had my mind set that I wanted to IUI. I only had my mind set on
this because it dealt with fewer needles than the IVF. I’m such a baby when it
comes to needles.
The doctor comes to get us and we walk into the consultation
room. We pull out all the results from all the tests we had performed. He looks
over mine and nods that everything is good. He looks at my husbands and looks
at the very bottom of the page and circles “morphology”. He said this is why
you two have not been able to conceive. We look at him like he had 10 heads.
What is morphology? What about his motility? Morphology is the form and
structure of organisms and their specific structural features. Basically, sperm
is made up of three parts; head, body, tail. Each part is supposed to be a
certain length and look a certain way. The doctor confirmed that we only had a
1% chance to conceive on our own. Some men are just born this way and there is no magic pill to take to make the sperm any better. I held back the tears as he looked us in the
eyes and told us this. My heart dropped into my stomach. He said our best
choice was to do IVF. I immediately told him that I wanted to do IUI. He
explained that IUI would most likely not be successful because we needed help
with picking the good sperm out from the bad sperm. During an IUI cycle, they
do not do that and we would only have a 10% chance of conceiving. IVF was the
correct route for us to be able to have a 75% chance of conceiving. We met with
the financial counselor and went over the cost. We left the doctor’s office and
when I got in the car I began bawling. “Why us?” “Why my husband?”
I met a girl who went through IVF and began talking to her
on facebook. She was a complete stranger to me and stayed up one night giving
me all the details of her journey. From miscarriages to IUI to IVF, I heard it
all. After hearing her story, I decided IVF is the way to go. My husband said
“We might as well go for the GOLD if we are going to do it” He called it the
GOLD because it was much more expensive.
So our journey began February 2014. I went in for my first
appointment and had to get 13 vials of blood drawn. Yes this girl who is so
scared of needles did it. I was so proud of myself and so was my husband. Next,
we scheduled an appointment for a hysteroscopy. A hysteroscopy is a way for the
doctor to look at your lining to make sure everything is healthy for a
transfer. You are put to sleep during this procedure. I had to conquer the IV.
I didn’t sleep the night before thinking about the procedure and most of all
thinking about the IV. I cried before the IV was even in but I did it! It was
just another accomplishment that I made during this long journey ahead.
The next step in the process was to begin the shots to
mature my eggs. It was ten long days of two shots in the stomach every night at
the same time. It was ten long days that I thought were going to break me and
make me give up. There were times I was really low during those 10 days but
then there were times I was very positive. We had to go to the doctor every Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Mikie never missed an appointment and was right by my side each night for the shots. Each doctor appointment we received
good news and it helped me stay positive. After the ten days, it was egg retrieval
time. The most crucial time during the whole journey because with no eggs there
is no transfer. We found out they retrieve 20 eggs but only 19 of them passed
to be able to be fertilized. They fertilized 19 eggs and 16 eggs took. They
watched the embryos grow for five days. After the fifth day, we had 13 great
embryos. They were frozen and the chromosomes were tested. After the testing,
we had 10 embryos that passed. We found out that we had 7 girls and 3 boys. I
remember finding out all of this and telling my husband how lucky we were. Not
everyone gets such big numbers. Our down times had to be reminded by the great
news we’ve had.
Shortly after the egg retrieval, I started on Estrogen pills
three times daily and Miniville patch that had to be changed every three days.
The beginning of the medication started great but then I began to break out in
a rash where the patch was. I found out that I was allergic to the adhesive on
the patch and had to stop taking it. It didn’t slow the process down and my estrogen
level did great. I was right on schedule for my first transfer. Six days before
my transfer I started taking vaginal inserts to raise my progesterone level.
My first transfer date was scheduled May 2014. I took a little mini vacation to Galveston to clear my mind and try to relax. We were so
excited but yet very nervous. I kept asking myself “Why am I nervous?” I should
be jumping with joy and super excited. After talking to others, they had the
same emotions. The day of my transfer the embryos thawed out great and the transfer went well. Now I
had to wait two long weeks to find out if it worked. I worked long hours and
kept my mind busy. It was so hard not go and buy a pregnancy test to see if I
was pregnant.
Testing day was finally here! I was so excited and very
positive. I went into the doctor and got my blood drawn. We went to eat
afterwards and spent the morning together until we received the phone call. The
nurse called and said “Victoria, you are PREGNANT!” My husband began to cry and
I was in shock. I think I had cried so much during the journey that I was
running out of tears. I called my family and told them and they were all
excited. Little did I know what was coming next…
The weekend came and I began to feel cramping and I started
to spot a little. I told my mom and researched the vaginal inserts that I was
on and a side effect was spotting. We ignored it and went on. The next day I
began to bleed even more. I called the after hour clinic and went in for blood
work. My blood came back great. All my levels were doubling which is what they
are supposed to do. I went into my doctor that Monday for a follow up. They
took blood and I told him what happened. He decided to do a vaginal ultrasound
to see if he could see anything. It was too early to see a baby but he wanted
to check my ovaries. He didn’t see anything unusual and told me to take it
easy. Later that day, my blood results came in and I found out that I was
having a miscarriage. My pregnancy level went from 1200 to 200. I was
devastated. I never have been so hurt and upset in my life. The hardest part
was calling to tell my husband. My mother picked me up from work and my husband
came there to pick me up. We both cried so hard when we saw each other. He
began blaming himself. I reassured him that it wasn’t his fault.
As bad as I wanted to give up, I knew that I had come too
far not to keep going. We took a few weeks off the medication and took a vacation to Las Vegas. My husband had never been to Vegas and it was a nice get away. Shortly later,
we started back on the estrogen and progesterone. We scheduled our next
transfer for July 2014. This time I took two weeks off work and worked from
home. I kept my feet propped up and took it easy. After the two weeks were up I
went in for the blood test. It came back NEGATIVE. I was heartbroken all over
again. Why? Why? I just didn’t understand and most of all, the doctor didn’t
understand. He decided that we would do a procedure in office to check my
lining again and this go around we would do progesterone shots instead of
inserts. My lining looked great and he said I could start again when I was
ready. I had a few other medical things going on that pushed back my third
transfer.
During all the heartaches of my journey, the doctor became
not just my doctor but a friend. The nurses were not just nurses; they became
friends and helped comfort my sadness. The nurses were the ones who kept
pushing me through to continue through the journey and not give up. My husband, friends,
family, and coworkers stood beside me along the way too. I believe that I would
have given up a long time ago if it wasn’t for my support system. They reminded
me how long I’ve come and how strong I really was. When you get low, you seem
to forget how far you’ve come. I can say that I’ve grown so much as a person, a
wife, a daughter, a friend, a coworker, and as a mother. I still may not be a
mother to a human being but I’m a mother at heart. I have faith that my day
will come soon…until then I will continue to pray. Pray for the strength and
guidance to keep pushing along and to never give up.
Now we are waiting on our next transfer to be scheduled. I
have high hopes and positive vibes. I know God has a plan and his plan is bigger
and better than any plan that I’ve ever imagined. From one fertility struggler
to another always remember “Never give up!” Speak freely about it and remember
not to be embarrassed. The more you speak out about it the more you find that
several people have been down the same journey. Everyone’s journey has a
different twist but we all suffer from the same thing…wanting to conceive.
