A Voice

Yesterday was my weekly acupuncture appointment. It was a really good session and came at the perfect time. I was extremely exhausted and stressed that day. I felt amazing after my session. I will be so glad when the auditors are gone. I would have to say that the worse part of being an accountant is dealing with audits. AHHH!! They suck the life out of you. HA! Every time I go in for acupuncture Chris has a list of questions to ask me. He ask these questions to find out where to put the needles and what I need help with. I explained to him that I'm having a lot of trouble going to sleep. I use to be able to hit the bed and pass out immediately....now I cant get my brain to shut off or unwind to go to sleep. It takes me a lot longer and its been very frustrating. I told him that I've been so nervous about this next round. He told me there was nothing to be worried about because he really thinks its going to work this time. I was talking to a co worker today and told her the same thing. I told her I was really nervous to because if it didn't work I wasn't sure how I was going to turn to my blog. She said "Don't be nervous. I really feel like this is your time. If it isn't your time, you have a whole support system from your blog." She is correct. I have had so many people reach out to me. I have old friends contacting me, strangers contacting me, people reaching out to me for their friends who are going through the same thing....its been amazing. I've gained so much support and friends. People tell me how they admire my strength to create a blog knowing that the world can read it. I've had them tell me how they've gotten so much advice from my blog on how to handle situations with their friends who are going through IVF. I've had people tell me how they cant speak out about their issues but love that I do. I'm so proud to be a voice about fertility issues. I hope I'm the voice for those who don't have the strength to blog or the voice for those who don't know how to talk about what they are experiencing. I urge you to share this blog with your friends so they can see and know exactly what you are going through. You should never be ashamed of your issues because as I've said in the past infertility is a condition. It is a VERY common condition that so many of us face in the world. We don't realize how many people have issues because it has always been so hush hush. 

The past week or so I've been in a blah mood. I'm extremely exhausted from work and medication. I've had a million things run through my mind about my transfer that is only 8 days away!!!!!! I pray everyday and really have asked God to keep giving me the strength. Some days are easier than others and really the emotions are just part of the journey. It is easy for outsiders to say to stay positive and keep praying but it is a lot harder to do those things. I've been pretty good about doing it but some days I lean towards negative thoughts. No matter what happens though....it will be what God wants it to be. I'm so lucky to have such a supportive husband. He has been my biggest rock during everything. I can break down and bawl my eyes out one night....and he is right there wiping my tears away. He encourages me and reminds me that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. He is always right beside me cheering me on. I'm so lucky to have him. I follow a few IVF facebook pages and it breaks my heart when I hear about husbands who aren't supportive. No matter who has the issue, you really have to work as a team during this journey. If you try to point the finger and have no respect for the other's feelings then you will make this journey so much harder. Some days are tough because one of you may have a bad day but at the end of the day you have to remind each other you are in this together. I've also been a little down and out because my first due date is approaching. When we did the transfer the very first time, we were told that our due date was February 7th. I cant believe its been almost 9 months since the first pregnancy announcement. We still remember that phone call that we were pregnant like it was yesterday. Mikie said besides our wedding day it was the happiest day of his life. Then I remember the phone call from the doctor about the miscarriage. I heard of several women experiencing a miscarriage but you truly do not know how it feels until you walk in those shoes. No matter how far along you were pregnant it hurts just as bad. I still have our first ultrasound of those two framed in our house. We will never forget that experience but we know that God needed them more than we did. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. 

Well we are only 8 days away from transfer day!!!! It seems like this day is approaching so fast. At work the girls and my boss always take me out to lunch the day before my transfer. Yesterday my coworker sent out the calendar invitation. I knew my transfer was close but when she sent the invite I thought "WOW its next week" HA!  My coworkers have been such a great support system. They have been there for me throughout my entire journey. Even though I never wanted to experience IVF transfer this many times...its nice that my coworkers support has only grown stronger each time. They weren't going to let me go to this next transfer without our tradition at Lupe Tortilla. :) I really do work with the GREATEST co-workers ever. 

The days are flying by and I cant wait until next Thursday. We will go to the doctor on Friday for another ultrasound and blood work. I find out on Friday when I should start my progesterone injections. I will either start them Friday night or Saturday night. I'm not looking forward to those injections because it's a thick oil mixture.... but I've turned into a pin cushion throughout this journey and no needle is going to hold me back. I've got this!!! The day of the transfer I will start my blood thinner injections. Those needles are so tiny that I believe they will be a breeze. I will update my blog after my doctors appointment on Friday. 

Again, I appreciate all of your support, prayers, and love. I truly have some amazing people in my life. I appreciate the emails, comments, phone calls, and text. If you know someone going through IVF and you don't know what to say a simple "Thinking about you." "Praying for you" means a lot. You don't have to say much because its the thought that counts. Thank you to all my supporters!!!!

To all of you that are struggling with fertility issues...remember you have a voice....let it be heard. Don't worry about what other's think or say. You speak out, cry, scream, complain, etc.....it's your voice after all. No one will truly understand your pain until they walk your shoes. You don't need everyone to understand because not everyone will. Your supporters will understand and that is all that matters. Surround yourself with positive people and let go of the negative ones. Baby Dust to all of you!