Shot #2

Well today my stomach was so sore from my shot last night. I wore jeans to work and that wasn't a smart idea. I couldn't stand my jeans rubbing against the spot I got my shot. Another side effect I get from the injection is constipation. After one shot I already feel constipated. Ahhhh!

Tonight was shot #2! I've been instructed to mix two bottles of bravelle and two bottles of menopur with 1cc of solution. Mikie is my shot maker. Here is a picture of all the medicine and my hubby mixing it.

Today I worked a half day and then went to college station to pick up my niece. We love keeping her when her mom has to work. She was so excited to see me when I got to her house. We went to lunch and then drove home just in time to get my second injection. Laurie came over again and Makayla was our photographer. We put my niece on the bed next to me while I got my shot. She held my hand the entire time. I have to say that this medicine burns like heck. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I swear it feels like someone is putting out their cigarette on my tummy. I squealed a little bit tonight and I was biting my finger again. Audrina started to tear up and said "Auntie are you okay?" She gave me the biggest hug afterwards. It was so cute. Then she told Mikie "You made Auntie cry" lol. We were all laughing so hard. I survived another shot!!! ;)

After the shot we went over to the local bar. They were having steak/family night. We went to eat and watched Makayla sing. We didn't last til midnight but oh well. I love our simple life that is full of all the kids we love so much. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well 2014 was one heck of an emotional roller coaster. We started out doing our first IVF in February, had one miscarriage, had two unsuccessful transfers, spent thousands of dollars, and we shed lots of tears. I don't wish this journey on anyone but God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors. We've grown so much as a couple and pray that 2015 is our year! From our family to yours Happy New Years Eve!!

Injection #1

Well my emotions have been building up to get ready for tonight. Yesterday I fought the worst hormonal migraine ever. I took all kinds of medicine and nothing was working. The lighting in my office and looking at a computer all day wasn't helping. I felt very sick to my stomach and just wanted to go home to go to sleep. Its month end and year end at work so I have a lot to do; therefore, I pushed through the day. Yesterday I got a phone call to pay the hospital and other fees. I felt so sick to my stomach after going through everything we have paid. Its so overwhelming....my baby will be our million dollar baby. After fighting a migraine and stressed about all the money we've spent...I finally had an emotional break down. It was a day that I asked myself "Why am I doing this?" But then after a phone call to my husband and sister....I was reminded why. Both of them always know exactly what to say to me. Mikie always tells me how much respect he has for me that I continue to push through all my fears, what an amazing wife I am, and how lucky he is to have me. Its always the small things he says that make my day. My sister always comforts my fears and helps talk me through the stress. I stress out so easy over things that I should just let be. I'm not perfect, I'm not rich, our journey won't be easy but I will continue to push through. I have my bad days but with my support system I keep going.

Well tonight was injection number one!!!! I've been thinking about the shot all day. I know what to expect a little since this is our second round but we mixed another medicine this time. I was so nervous about it burning. I got home and Mikie had already mixed the medicine and had the shot ready. I called my step mother in law to come give me the shot. She got here and I was stalling...lol. I wasn't ready but I'm never ready. I asked my sister in law to take a few pictures for the blog. I got on my bed and Mikie stood at my feet, Laurie stood on the side of the bed, and Makayla was on the bed taking pictures. Mikie always pinches my leg or feet to help keep my mind off my stomach. Laurie wiped my stomach with alcohol, then pinched my stomach, and stuck in the needle. I took a deep breathe and kept telling myself to calm down. When she started to inject the medicine it burned. It felt like a horrible bee sting. The actual needle didn't hurt but the medicine did. Once the shot was over, I just laid on the bed biting my finger. It itched a little bit afterwards. I explained to them that it burned and Mikie felt bad because he said this is only day one. :/ Overall I survived but I'm not looking forward to 10 days of this. I have to keep telling myself...BABY BABY BABY. It will all be worth it and one day I look back at this and laugh.

Well we have one day down and about 10 more to go. Baby Fisher is in the making. We are praying that 2015 is our year! We are ready to be parents!

Baseline Appointment and Teaching Visit

Today we had our baseline appointment and teaching visit. The baseline appointment is to check to see if my hormone levels are good and my body is ready to start injections. I walked into my appointment nervous because I had to get my blood drawn. Its been a long time since I've gotten my blood taken. I was getting use to it but it's been since October. It did hurt a little bit today but I think it's because I was so nervous. After my blood work I went into the room to get my ultrasound to check my follicles. My lining looked good and my follicles were all about the same size (which is really good). I have about 20 that I could possibly grow. I was very excited to hear that news. After the ultrasound we started talking to the doctor about the next round. We talked about how we discussed last time about transferring three embryos. The doctor explained that we were going to do that if we were going to use our fair embryos we had left but now that we are going to grow new ones then we may only want to transfer two. He explained that if we transfer three top quality embryos there is a high chance that they will all take and it could be too much on my body. He said if any of them split and we ended up with more then he would recommend us to terminate one because I'm too young and my body wouldn't be able to handle that many. He said he didn't believe in abortion but he would only recommend that because he would be looking out for my health and the babies health. For every baby you add then there is a two week early birth. So for one baby you would carry to 40 weeks...with twins you would most likely carry only to 38 weeks...with triplets you would only carry to 36 weeks..etc. After talking to him, Mikie and I decided we couldn't make that choice to terminate and it isn't healthy for me. We will only transfer two and if we get pregnant with twins and one splits and we end up with triplets then that is fine. But I don't want to put us in a big risk by transferring three. Plus they said it doesn't increase your chances of getting pregnant anymore than just transferring two. So it looks like two it is. The doctor said we would discuss further once the egg retrieval is done and the chromosome testing is complete. He also explained about the blood thinner that I will be on before the transfer and after the transfer. He said there is research that shows how it helps with the lining. We will do this shot in the stomach before the transfer and after the transfer. He explained how he is going to do everything he can to help us have our miracle baby. He said that him and Vanessa (our favorite nurse) think about us all the time.

Here I am in the room waiting on the doctor for my ultrasound.

After talking with the doctor we met with my favorite nurse for the teaching visit. She showed Mikie how to mix all four bottles. We found out that we are on two different medicines but it still only involves one needle. Yay!!! She also had some extra medicine for us. We love that nurse so much. She has been so good to us and is always so excited to see us. We are so blessed to have her as our nurse.

After my appointment, I went to spend the afternoon with by best friend Kristina. She is 7 months pregnant and I'm so ready for her to have my nephew. Even after all that I've been through, I've been so happy for her since the day I found out she was pregnant. I actually cried when she told me. If my second transfer would have worked then we would have been a week apart. Its only broken my heart that I was so excited for us to be so close in due dates but I'm so excited for her still. I haven't been bitter or jealous. I know that our babies will still be close no matter what. She has been so supportive during my journey. I'm so lucky to have her by my side through all of this.  While shopping with her today, I received a text to check my portal site this afternoon and my blood work came back good. We get to start our injections on Tuesday! I'm so excited and cant believe how fast things are moving. We will do our egg retrieval around Jan 11th and transfer is going to be in February. If all goes well then we will have an October baby. I'm so excited!!

My hubby and I enjoyed our Christmas functions with family and friends. Although all we wanted for Christmas was a little miracle baby we stayed positive and enjoyed Christmas. I told Mikie on the way to one of our get together that this time next year we may have a little one. It is so exciting to think that. I love seeing how he is with our niece and nephew. He is so good with kids and it melts my heart. He will be such an amazing father.

I cant wait to post our update from the first injection. Baby Fisher is in the making starting December 30th!!

Acupuncture Appointment #2

Tuesday was my second appointment for acupuncture. I was so stressed at work trying to play catch up from being in training last week. Plus getting things ready to close for month end and year end...oh the joys of being an accountant. I left work feeling overwhelmed and wanting to skip out on my appointment. Even though the needles didn't hurt I always work myself up when I know needles are involved. I had no energy to work myself up this time because I was stressed about work. I walked into the clinic, checked in and sat down. Another lady walked in and checked in. She sat in the waiting room and we started talking. She was doing acupuncture for the first time with this clinic. She told me her fear for needles and her bad experience with acupuncture at another clinic. She was nervous. She explained how she was there for fertility reasons and how she has a chromosome issue. She is a carrier for a certain syndrome. The outside of her looks normal but the inside of her is messed up. The defect makes her eggs age as if she was 45 years old. She is going through IVF so that she doesn't pass this onto her child. The only problem is that she doesn't produce that many embryos because her eggs are considered old. Her first transfer didn't work and she didn't have any embryos left. She is having to do it all over again. She said she only grows maybe 5 eggs and after testing she only ends up with 1 to 2. My heart just sank and I wanted to bawl my eyes out for her. Everyday you meet someone who is fighting a battle. When people are rude or not friendly I have remind myself that maybe they are fighting a battle in life. It doesn't give them an excuse to act that way but we never know what people are battling in life. It could be cancer, divorce, fertility, finances, etc.  After speaking to her I reminded myself that yes I'm battling a rough road of fertility but thankfully I grow plenty of embryos. I couldn't imagine having to do shots every time for a new transfer.

I was called back to go into my appointment. I sat down and Chris began to ask me a few questions. I answered them and then it was time to get on the table. He began to stick them in and he said "You are doing much better this time." I explained to him how it didn't hurt and I was just so afraid of the unknown last time. The only needle that is uncomfortable is the one on top of the foot. He continued to put the needles in and got close to my face. I said "No no no...not my face" He said " I know I have big bold letters saying not her face." And then he reached over me and stuck one in my scalp. I freaked out for a second just because I was thinking about a needle being in my head..but then all of a sudden I felt all this pressure release from head and shoulders. All the stress from work and all the sinus pressure from my allergies. I fell asleep almost immediately after he walked out. I literally slept the whole time. It was the best 30 minute nap ever. When he came back in I told him how wonderful it felt once he stuck the one in my scalp. He said yes it can be very relaxing. When I left the appointment I couldn't wait to call Mikie, my mom, and my sister to tell them. They couldn't believe I let him. Well I didn't really have a choice because he didn't tell me....he just put it there. I think he knew if he told me then I would day no. Ha!

Well tomorrow we go to the doctor for blood work, ultra sound, and teaching visit. I'm praying that all test come back good and we can start injections on Tuesday, December 30th. I'm getting excited!

Acupuncture

I promised an update Wednesday but never got around to it. I've been in training at work all week with a girl from our France office and swamped with my day to day work. I'm taking on a new task at work and training on a new web based CRM system. Its alot of information to learn in one week. I feel like I'm in finals week for college...it's been very busy. (Speaking of college...6 years ago today I graduated with bachelor's degree and the love of my life asked me to marry him.) On top of training, I helped host my dad's annual dart tournament and we had our Christmas party at Top Golf today. I'm running low on energy but wanted to update you all on acupuncture.

Tuesday morning all I could do was think about my appointment. I didn't have an appetite to eat breakfast and all I could do is wonder what it was going to be like. I arrived to my appointment about 10 minutes early. I sat in the waiting room and started text messaging my sister and best friend. They were chanting for me saying "You can do it!". I was really thinking "Hmm..I should just walk out! HA" Chris (the one who performs the acupuncture) came and got me to go into the acupuncture room. I sat down and we went over all my forms that I had filled out prior. They ask you several questions about your sleeping habits, diet, if your hot/cold, etc. After we went through all the answers and discussed some stuff he figured out what treatment process to use......


It was time to get on the table to get acupuncture. I got up on the table and immediately started getting clammy. I explained to him how nervous I was. He reassured me that everything would be fine and I wouldn't feel a thing. He grabbed the needles and began to stick them in. The entire time he was putting them in we were talking about all sorts of stuff. (It kept me occupied where I wasn't thinking about the needles). I have to say that I didn't feel the needles except when he put some in the top of my foot and on my lower abdomen. It didn't hurt in those spots it was just a little uncomfortable because I just didn't know what to expect. The needles were put on my feet, legs, knees, arms, hand, and stomach. Once all the needles were in he grabbed a blanket to cover up my legs. When he grabbed the blanket, I freaked out inside. I thought to myself "Omg, when he lays that blanket on me the needles are going to go in further, or they are going to fold over and pull on my skin, etc." He laid the blanket down and I didn't feel a thing. I was able to calm down after that. He kept reminding me to breathe. After he did the blanket, he grabbed the heating lamp and put it over my stomach area where the needles were. He turned on some music and said he would be back to check on me. All the lights were out in the room, the music was relaxing, and I started to relax. I could feel my blood flowing from my feet all the way up and then back down to my feet. It was the craziest feeling in the world. I had a piece of hair itching my face and I was too scared to pick up my arm to move it. I was trying to blow air up to move my hair. LOL. I didn't know where all he put the needles and I was too afraid that if I saw them all in my arm that I would freak out. I'm not a fan of needles but I can survive them if I don't look. I have to look away every time I get my blood drawn or I have an injection. After about five minutes of just laying there and thinking about having all these needles inside, I took a deep breathe and began to relax even more. I started to doze off half way into the treatment. When he left the room, he told me to take a nap. He came in to check on me at least three times during the 25 minute treatment. Once the 25 minutes were up he came in and said "Well that is what acupuncture is all about. You've completed your first treatment." He sat down and began to type some notes in his lap top. I sat there thinking "You can take this needles out as soon as you would like." He only took about five minutes to type notes but it felt like an hour because I just wanted the needles out. I didn't know if it would hurt or not when he removed them. He finally got up and pulled them all out but I didn't feel anything. He went over some herbal supplements that he recommended me to take. They were prenatal, and to help energy and stress, circulation, egg quality, and embryo attachment. I take 11 pills in the morning and about 8 pills at night. All the supplements are natural and safe to use. My problem is that I have poor circulation and that is why I'm always so cold. He is helping my circulation increase so that I will get blood flow to my uterus and lining for a healthy transfer. When you don't have good circulation it can cause issues for pregnancy and cause miscarriages. I'm excited to get these things fixed so that we can have a healthy transfer in 2015.

Overall acupuncture was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I will continue to go once a week for the next 12 weeks and if I get positive pregnancy results I'll continue. Its very relaxing but I don't think it's something I would want to continue after all my treatments. I love the owner and I'm excited to have extra help to increase the success rate of our next transfer. We are only 10 days away from starting injections! I can't wait to update you all on those. ;) Time is going by fast and hopefully in the next 3 months we will be announcing our pregnancy!!!!

WOW! WOW! WOW!

Wow!! I don't even know what to say. I cant say that I'm shocked but just amazed at how low people stoop to try to insult others. It's one thing if you don't like someone and you call them fat, psycho, or whatever. I mean it is still very childish but it isn't as bad as insulting someone's fertility issues. You may not like me and that is fine. I am who I am and I'm not going to change to try and gain your acceptance. If you think it's "funny" that I'm having to go through all of this....I hope Karma bites you hard. I wouldn't wish this journey on my worst enemy. No one should have to endure the pain, the tears, the financial burden, and everything else this journey causes. I wish no one to have to stress about the chances of never having a child they call their own. I wish no one the pain and roller coaster of emotions. I wish no one the hormonal headaches, the bruising from all the needles, the hormonal roller coaster, the unknown, or the thoughts of what if. If you don't agree with IVF that is your opinion and you have every right to it. Do not insults those who decide it is the route for them. If you don't like me or my blog....DONT READ IT. I know my life can seem interesting and I know jealousy can eat people up inside...but doesn't give you the right to stoop so low. I dont blog to gain sympathy...trust me I don't need sympathy. I've become very strong through everything I've been through. I blog about my journey in hopes to reach out to others who suffer the same thing as I do...trying to conceive. In this short period of my blog it has made people reach out to me who I haven't talked to in years. It has given a stranger the extra strength to keep pushing. I will continue with my blog until the end of my journey. You can make fun of it as long as you want...negative thoughts mean nothing to me.

Today I've realized how much support I do have and continue to have. I love all you that have been by my side through it all. I appreciate all of you who have reached out to me...rather it was at the beginning of journey, today, or in the days to come. All of your words and prayers mean the world to me. I know it's hard to find the right words to say but just reaching out to me says it all.

Mind Over Matter

Mind Over Matter....something I constantly have to remind myself during this journey. Our mind can be so dangerous and it can be our worst enemy. When I went in my for my hysteroscopy, my sister found a flyer about acupuncture in the waiting room. She started to talk to my mom about how good it would be for me to do and all the reasons why I should do it. My mom said "Reagan, you are preaching to the wrong person. You need to talk to sister who is scared to death of needles." Well we went to eat breakfast that morning and she brought it up. She pulled out the flyer and was telling me all about it. I told her that I did hear that it helped with IVF and that I was thinking about trying it. Her, my mom, and Mikie were shocked when I said that. I read the flyer and it said acupuncture increases your success rate by 50%.....after three unsuccessful transfers, I'm willing to try anything. I held onto the flyer and kept telling myself to call. Well I've been posting my blog updates on facebook and an old high school friend contacted me on facebook. She mentioned to me that she had a friend who went through IVF. Her friend had three unsuccessful transfers and on her fourth transfer she did acupuncture and was successful. She told me that I should look into. When I read her message...I was like WOW....here is my sign that I need to call. The next day I decided to call and book my free consultation. I made my appointment for last Thursday. I called my mom and asked her if she would go with me and of course she said yes.

My mom...let me say a few words about her. She has been such an awesome supporter. She never misses any procedures (no matter how early it requires her to get up and that says a lot because she isn't a morning person HA!). I have to say this journey has been just as hard for her as for me. She hates that everything is out of her control and there isn't anything she can do to fix it or make it better. A mother wants only the best for her daughter and when something is out of a mother's control...its hard. I have to say I've been blessed with an amazing mother. I'm so proud to call her my mom.

My mom and I went for the consultation last Thursday. The doctor was super nice and was so knowledgeable about IVF. He took his time to answer all my questions and listen to my story. I told him everything that I've been through and explained we were starting a new cycle. He was glad that I was doing a new cycle and not just another transfer. He said that since I was starting a new cycle the acupuncture would work better than just for a transfer. He explained how I would need to come once a week until the transfer. When I find out when my transfer is then I will have to come in 24 hours before and then 4-5 days after my transfer. If I get a positive pregnancy test then he recommends me to come until I'm 12 weeks pregnant. He said that the acupuncture would be done from the elbows down, knees down, and in my stomach. He explained how it would help with my hormonal headaches, stress, and it increases the blood flow to prepare your uterus and lining for the transfer. After he explained all the details, I said "Can I see what the needle looks like?" HA! I couldn't help but sit there and think the entire time "Needles, Needles, Needles". He showed me a needle and it was as fine as a strand of hair. I was at ease a little bit after seeing how little it was.

After the consultation, I went to the front desk and signed up for a package. The more sessions you buy the cheaper it is. I bought a packaged deal and made my first appointment for this coming Tuesday. Since I've left the doctor all I can think about is needles and if its going to hurt. My mind has been going 90 to nothing. I came across this picture I posted on my instagram a while back. "Keep Calm and remember that Mind over Matter" I have to keep telling myself that in my mind I think needles and pain but in reality I probably wont be able to feel these needles. I'm not going to lie, my mind is winning at the moment. All weekend long I'm thinking about the pain I might be in on Tuesday. I told my sister that I'm scared that I paid for everything for no reason and that I'm going to chicken out. She keeps telling me that I wont feel anything. When it comes to needles I can make myself so sick. I get sick to my stomach, no appetite, and I almost vomit. I'm pretty much at that point right now. I'm so ready for this appointment on Tuesday. Once I know how one session goes then I will be okay. I mean if I can survive all the other shots and injections then I can handle acupuncture. I just hate the unknown.

I did go online to the clinic and read all the reviews. The doctor (I guess that's what you would call him) has been highly recommended. All the reviews talked about successful transfers, how caring he was, and how less stressed they were. Some of them explained how scared of needles they were and how it didn't hurt....that made me feel better! :)

Even though I'm nervous about Tuesday, I'm so proud of myself for making the appointment. I hope this helps us have a successful transfer and help my stress levels. I always tend to become very stressed around transfer time...again because my mind runs 90 to nothing. I will update everyone on Tuesday to let you know how my appointment went.

Update..Everything is Moving Along

Well last week on Thursday I went in for another hysteroscopy. The doctor wanted to do this procedure to double check my lining. He wanted to make sure there was no damage from the miscarriage. We found out that everything was fine and he didn't find anything. I was happy but bummed at the same time. I'm so happy that I'm healthy but I was really hoping for answers to why the last two transfers haven't worked. I stayed positive and told myself "I'm healthy" and that is all that matters. God knows why it hasn't worked and I will leave it at that.


Yesterday I called the doctors office to see what my next step is. The nurse told me to start back on birth control to regulate my lining and hormones. I go in on December 26th to do blood, ultra sound, and teaching visit to start on my medications. If all my test come back normal on the 26th then I will start my shots on December 30th. I'm so excited but nervous too. She said if I start shots on December 30th then my tentative egg retrieval will be around Jan 11th. Holy cow!!! Time is flying by. I will be ready for my next transfer is no time! :) For my next transfer one of the things the doctor wants to do different is transfer 3 instead of 2. Everyone's reaction has been funny such as "You keep one, I'll keep one, and one can go to the other grandparents house"  but then some have been so serious. "Are you sure you want to transfer 3" "How are you going to handle 3 kids at once" My answer to them is if anyone knows best...its the doctor. If he thought there was a 90% chance of all three embryos taking then he would not let me transfer 3. Yes there is a slight chance that they all could take but since we haven't had any luck with transferring 2 he wants to do 3 this time. If he told me to transfer 10...at this point I would...I would do anything just to get my miracle baby. I informed the nurse (whom I've become very close to) that depending on our embryo outcome that Mikie and I would like her to pick the gender of the third embryo. Each time we have transferred a girl and a boy. I do not want to make the decision on just having a girl or just having a boy. If we end up with all girl embryos or all boy embryos then that is different. If we end up with a mixture then I want to put one of each and then the nurse can pick the third. I don't want her to tell us what she picked until we find out if we get pregnant. She was shocked and excited that we are going to allow her to be such a huge part of journey. If it wasn't for her support, smiles, and laughs at each appointment...this journey would probably have ended a long time ago. She always puts a smile on my face and is always so excited to see us. I'm more than happy to have her choose.


Shortly after my phone conversation with the nurse, I received a phone call from the compound pharmacy. They discussed what all medications were ordered and the cost. I almost dropped the phone when she told me how much. The first time we did this, I was on a study and the study covered most of my medications. However, this time we have to pay for all the medication. Also, this time I will be on an extra medication that I wasn't on before. I will have to do three injections instead of two! AHHH!!! LOL. I think I will survive though because I will just think "BABY,BABY,BABY".


Since some of the medications have to be refrigerated, they had to send the order UPS overnight. I went ahead and processed the order yesterday because I didn't want the holidays to mess up my shipment. If I waited until the last minute it would be delivered around Christmas and I know shipping can get hectic around that time. My medications arrived this morning and I had it delivered to Mikie's dad's house. We live in the country and I didn't want them leaving it on my door step. Laurie called to tell me that medication arrived and asked me what medicine needed to refrigerated. I told her and I joked with her saying don't mess up anything you are messing with $XXXX.XX money there. She laughed out loud and said "I told Mike the same thing. I said don't you drop anything you are messing with $XXXX.XX." HA! (At least we have some humor in the Fisher Family about this journey). Laurie is also the one who gives me the shots. Mikie hates needles so bad that he cant even give our horses their shots. I'm not complaining though because I feel his pain and fear. He is right by my side when I do get the shots and that is all that matters to me. I asked Laurie if there was a lot of stuff and she said "Yes, I'm getting nervous now." She is always nervous in the beginning when it starts with new injections but she does a great job. We are so lucky to have her around to be our nurse. I will take a picture of the medication later to post on the blog.


It looks like in a few weeks we will be starting the new journey. I'm so excited and cannot wait....I mean I am nervous about getting poked in the tummy three times for 10 days but I can do it!! :) I'm excited to keep everyone posted and show you pictures. Every time I post something on here I think to myself how cool it is going to be for our little one to have this to read. He/She will see that they have been loved way before they were born.

Here is the pictures of the box, the inside of box, and then all the medication pulled out.

The Best Teammate

I couldn't ask for a better teammate while we go through this journey. My husband is nothing short of AMAZING! He has been at every doctors appointment no matter what the appointment is for. It could be a five minute appointment of getting blood drawn and he is right by my side. He has supported me so much throughout everything. He has been able to manage through my mood swings, my emotional roller coasters, and anything else I throw his way. I'm spoiled rotten with his love and all that he does for me. I couldn't ask for a better HUSBAND or teammate. He is my rock, my soul mate, my partner in crime, and my BEST FRIEND. I don't wish this journey on anyone but if its a journey you have to go through...I hope you have a great teammate. It takes two to tackle this journey and you cant blame one another. Don't get me wrong tough times can test a marriage or any relationship but I have to say our journey has only made us stronger. We've grown so much as a husband and wife. Our communication and being open with each other has grown too. We both know that we are going to continue to push and fight for what we want. No matter what the result we know that we have each other and that is all that matters in the end. A miracle baby would make our lives extra special but if we never get that miracle baby it wont break us apart.

Third IVF Transfer

Third Transfer.........We scheduled it for October and we would find out the results on Halloween. This go around we decided to do the progesterone injections because my body didn't react very well to the vaginal inserts. I had to take a shot in the butt every day. I was so nervous about this shot because I had heard horrible rumors about it. The nurse who I've become very good friends with came out to my house to do the shot during the first weekend. It was so nice to have her support. During the week I left early from work to make it to the doctors office to get the shot. One day I was running late and didn't make it there in time before they closed. I was freaking out...what was I going to do...who was going to do my shot. I called my best friend Kristina and her mother came out to my house to give me my shot. I decided it would be less stress on me for her to come every day. She came every day and the weekends my step mother in law would do them. The shots turned out not to be as bad as I heard. It was pretty simple and easy. I remember my other friend coming out to the house and watched as I got the shot. She said "Wow, you have changed! You didn't even flinch." Yep this entire journey will do that to you. You get use to things that you have to do over and over again. It is amazing the strength you find when you are trying to accomplish something you really want. Here is a picture of my medications that I was on before and during transfer.

 


 It was transfer day...I went into the transfer very relaxed and calm. I was ready this time and so was my husband. The doctor took extra time during this procedure and explained everything. It was a whole different experience than what we experienced with the last two transfers. Both embryos thawed out pretty well and the transfer went smooth. I was allowed to work two weeks from home again and tried to stay as calm and stress free as possible.

 I continued the progesterone shots and was allowed to go in for my pregnancy test earlier than Halloween. I went Wednesday October 29th. We were so nervous because we didn't want our hopes up but we didn't want our hopes down. We tried to stay as level as possible. I went in for the blood work and then we spent the morning together again. At 10am we got the phone call....It was a NEGATIVE. I didn't even have tears to cry, I didn't have any emotion to show....I just didn't know what to do. My husband was devastated again. I just didn't understand at all. I text my family to let them know. My parents were over seas in Amsterdam and my sister was in Houston at her house.


The next day my sister came out to my house to take me to lunch and cheer me up. I finally broke down with her. I cried and cried and just told her that I was going to give up. I told her that I'm just not meant to be mom. She comforted me and told me all the right things to help cheer me back up and to reassure me that I am meant to be a mom....maybe just not right now. My sister has been such an amazing supporter. She has done anything and everything for me throughout this entire journey. She hasn't missed one surgery appointment, she has been at my house during all my emotional break downs, and does anything in the world to cheer me up. She is the greatest sister in the world...even though she can get on my nerves. :)


A few days after the bad news, the doctor called to talk to me. We discussed my different options and what he wanted to do different in the next round. I told him that Mikie and I talked and decided we wanted to start all over. We have four girl embryos left and they are not considered bad embryos but they are not the "BEST". We decided that we would grow new eggs and create new embryos. We got pregnant with the best and we want our fourth transfer to be with the best eggs. So now we are starting a whole new journey. During this new journey, I will take pictures and post more. I think it is so important to share our journey because it could encourage another couple not to give up hope. It's crazy to me to be so open on the internet with our life but I think it is so important. Fertility issues have always been so hush hush. There is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed of. Fertility issues are just like cancer or a sickness....its a condition that some couples have. We are lucky that God created scientist and Doctors who can help our dreams come true. We have our "eye on the prize" and will continue to do whatever it takes to get our little miracle. Soon enough we will have a little boy or girl that will be ours....until then we will continue to push through the hard times and continue down our journey.

My Journey

When Mikie and I found out that we had to do IVF we were shocked and didn't know what to do. My best friend had a couple she knew who just went through IVF and was successful. She contacted the wife and Ashley told her that I could contact her if I wanted to. I found her on facebook and we talked for hours that night. I cried as I listened to her heart speak out to mine. It was like she had known me forever. She poured out her heart and their entire journey to me. She even sent me the link to her blog. It was from that day on that I decided to be open about our journey. I started this blog back then but as you can see I never came back to update it. Ashley has been updating her blog and asked if I would type up my story that she could share on her blog. Below is what I sent to her.......

My husband and I had been together for six years when we finally got married June 2012. Shortly after getting married the questions started “When do you two plan on trying for a kid?”. What seemed like such a simple question soon began to be a dagger to the heart.

I went for a normal woman checkup and during my appointment I brought up that my husband and I had been trying to conceive for almost a year. She told me that it was in my best interest to get tested. I signed up for the HCG test and did the hormone level blood work checkup. All the tests came back normal. She then wrote up orders for my husband to get his sperm checked. He took the sperm analysis test twice, the first one the numbers were everywhere and the second test told us exactly what we thought the problem was. He went to a Urologist and found out he had low motility. He was put on a pill for six months. After the six months, nothing changed and we were still not successful. We were then referred to go to a fertility specialist.

Fertility Specialist, sounds like a very scary name when you are so unfamiliar with what is going to happen or what the next step is going to be. I remember being so nervous and ready to faint when I walked in. All kinds of things ran through my head, “Is he going to tell us that we can never conceive”, “Are we going to have to do IUI or IVF”, “How much is it going to cost”, etc. I remember the day of appointment I researched the difference between IUI and IVF. I had my mind set that I wanted to IUI. I only had my mind set on this because it dealt with fewer needles than the IVF. I’m such a baby when it comes to needles.

The doctor comes to get us and we walk into the consultation room. We pull out all the results from all the tests we had performed. He looks over mine and nods that everything is good. He looks at my husbands and looks at the very bottom of the page and circles “morphology”. He said this is why you two have not been able to conceive. We look at him like he had 10 heads. What is morphology? What about his motility? Morphology is the form and structure of organisms and their specific structural features. Basically, sperm is made up of three parts; head, body, tail. Each part is supposed to be a certain length and look a certain way. The doctor confirmed that we only had a 1% chance to conceive on our own. Some men are just born this way and there is no magic pill to take to make the sperm any better. I held back the tears as he looked us in the eyes and told us this. My heart dropped into my stomach. He said our best choice was to do IVF. I immediately told him that I wanted to do IUI. He explained that IUI would most likely not be successful because we needed help with picking the good sperm out from the bad sperm. During an IUI cycle, they do not do that and we would only have a 10% chance of conceiving. IVF was the correct route for us to be able to have a 75% chance of conceiving. We met with the financial counselor and went over the cost. We left the doctor’s office and when I got in the car I began bawling. “Why us?” “Why my husband?”

I met a girl who went through IVF and began talking to her on facebook. She was a complete stranger to me and stayed up one night giving me all the details of her journey. From miscarriages to IUI to IVF, I heard it all. After hearing her story, I decided IVF is the way to go. My husband said “We might as well go for the GOLD if we are going to do it” He called it the GOLD because it was much more expensive.

So our journey began February 2014. I went in for my first appointment and had to get 13 vials of blood drawn. Yes this girl who is so scared of needles did it. I was so proud of myself and so was my husband. Next, we scheduled an appointment for a hysteroscopy. A hysteroscopy is a way for the doctor to look at your lining to make sure everything is healthy for a transfer. You are put to sleep during this procedure. I had to conquer the IV. I didn’t sleep the night before thinking about the procedure and most of all thinking about the IV. I cried before the IV was even in but I did it! It was just another accomplishment that I made during this long journey ahead.

The next step in the process was to begin the shots to mature my eggs. It was ten long days of two shots in the stomach every night at the same time. It was ten long days that I thought were going to break me and make me give up. There were times I was really low during those 10 days but then there were times I was very positive. We had to go to the doctor every Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Mikie never missed an appointment and was right by my side each night for the shots. Each doctor appointment we received good news and it helped me stay positive. After the ten days, it was egg retrieval time. The most crucial time during the whole journey because with no eggs there is no transfer. We found out they retrieve 20 eggs but only 19 of them passed to be able to be fertilized. They fertilized 19 eggs and 16 eggs took. They watched the embryos grow for five days. After the fifth day, we had 13 great embryos. They were frozen and the chromosomes were tested. After the testing, we had 10 embryos that passed. We found out that we had 7 girls and 3 boys. I remember finding out all of this and telling my husband how lucky we were. Not everyone gets such big numbers. Our down times had to be reminded by the great news we’ve had.  

Shortly after the egg retrieval, I started on Estrogen pills three times daily and Miniville patch that had to be changed every three days. The beginning of the medication started great but then I began to break out in a rash where the patch was. I found out that I was allergic to the adhesive on the patch and had to stop taking it. It didn’t slow the process down and my estrogen level did great. I was right on schedule for my first transfer. Six days before my transfer I started taking vaginal inserts to raise my progesterone level.  

My first transfer date was scheduled May 2014. I took a little mini vacation to Galveston to clear my mind and try to relax. We were so excited but yet very nervous. I kept asking myself “Why am I nervous?” I should be jumping with joy and super excited. After talking to others, they had the same emotions.  The day of my transfer the embryos thawed out great and the transfer went well. Now I had to wait two long weeks to find out if it worked. I worked long hours and kept my mind busy. It was so hard not go and buy a pregnancy test to see if I was pregnant.

Testing day was finally here! I was so excited and very positive. I went into the doctor and got my blood drawn. We went to eat afterwards and spent the morning together until we received the phone call. The nurse called and said “Victoria, you are PREGNANT!” My husband began to cry and I was in shock. I think I had cried so much during the journey that I was running out of tears. I called my family and told them and they were all excited. Little did I know what was coming next…

The weekend came and I began to feel cramping and I started to spot a little. I told my mom and researched the vaginal inserts that I was on and a side effect was spotting. We ignored it and went on. The next day I began to bleed even more. I called the after hour clinic and went in for blood work. My blood came back great. All my levels were doubling which is what they are supposed to do. I went into my doctor that Monday for a follow up. They took blood and I told him what happened. He decided to do a vaginal ultrasound to see if he could see anything. It was too early to see a baby but he wanted to check my ovaries. He didn’t see anything unusual and told me to take it easy. Later that day, my blood results came in and I found out that I was having a miscarriage. My pregnancy level went from 1200 to 200. I was devastated. I never have been so hurt and upset in my life. The hardest part was calling to tell my husband. My mother picked me up from work and my husband came there to pick me up. We both cried so hard when we saw each other. He began blaming himself. I reassured him that it wasn’t his fault.

As bad as I wanted to give up, I knew that I had come too far not to keep going. We took a few weeks off the medication and took a vacation to Las Vegas. My husband had never been to Vegas and it was a nice get away. Shortly later, we started back on the estrogen and progesterone. We scheduled our next transfer for July 2014. This time I took two weeks off work and worked from home. I kept my feet propped up and took it easy. After the two weeks were up I went in for the blood test. It came back NEGATIVE. I was heartbroken all over again. Why? Why? I just didn’t understand and most of all, the doctor didn’t understand. He decided that we would do a procedure in office to check my lining again and this go around we would do progesterone shots instead of inserts. My lining looked great and he said I could start again when I was ready. I had a few other medical things going on that pushed back my third transfer.

During all the heartaches of my journey, the doctor became not just my doctor but a friend. The nurses were not just nurses; they became friends and helped comfort my sadness. The nurses were the ones who kept pushing me through to continue through the journey and not give up. My husband,  friends, family, and coworkers stood beside me along the way too. I believe that I would have given up a long time ago if it wasn’t for my support system. They reminded me how long I’ve come and how strong I really was. When you get low, you seem to forget how far you’ve come. I can say that I’ve grown so much as a person, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a coworker, and as a mother. I still may not be a mother to a human being but I’m a mother at heart. I have faith that my day will come soon…until then I will continue to pray. Pray for the strength and guidance to keep pushing along and to never give up.

Now we are waiting on our next transfer to be scheduled. I have high hopes and positive vibes. I know God has a plan and his plan is bigger and better than any plan that I’ve ever imagined. From one fertility struggler to another always remember “Never give up!” Speak freely about it and remember not to be embarrassed. The more you speak out about it the more you find that several people have been down the same journey. Everyone’s journey has a different twist but we all suffer from the same thing…wanting to conceive.