Updated and arrival of my girls

It's been a while since I've updated my blog. It's been a crazy and fun last two months. Each doctor appointment went well. Jade almost cried happy tears when she found out the girls were both head down. She did keep in her mind that there was still a 50% chance she would have to do a c section but was staying positive about it all. On Thanksgiving we decided to do the belly casting kit. It was a lot of fun to do and hilarious at the same time. I held the cast up next to me and it only covered half of me. Lol. The entire time we were molding her she was telling us to make sure  her boobs weren't uneven. Bahahaha! She cracks me up! We enjoyed a cookie day at her aunts house in the woodlands. We took a goofy picture together to act out what the delivery room would look like. I kept telling her to make another dance video. She decided she would do a break my water dance....it seems like that is the new thing. We decided to do it early in case she went into labor....and she did go into labor two days later, but her water never broke. Lol. She did receive a few negative comments from other surrogates about how wrong it was that she wanted her water to break at 34 weeks. I told her not to worry about the negative comments because those ladies didn't know her or her personality. It was a little dance that she did for fun. People that know her know that she wanted our babies to bake as long as they could and I think she did a good job of baking them!!!

Well the big delivery day arrived on Monday, December 14th! I went to sleep on Sunday and kept waking up to check my phone. I kept dreaming that she was calling me to tell me that she was in labor. I received a phone call around 515am, I looked over my phone and didn't know if she was really calling me or if I was dreaming. I answered the phone and Ryan was telling me to head to the hospital that she lost her mucus plug. I jumped up and got into the shower. We rushed around the house to get dressed and head to the hospital. When I got out of the shower I called him back to ask if her water broke. He said no it didn't but they were told from the night doctor to go into the hospital. I made my round of phone calls to let my family know to head to the hospital. Mike and I were 15 min away when Ryan called to say that they were doing an emergency csection. I began to bawl like a  baby... one, we were going to miss it all and two the only thing Jade wanted is a vaginal birth. Mike got upset that we were going to miss it and began to drive faster. I had to calm him down and tell him that we have to accept the fact that we missed it. We arrived to the hospital and checked into labor and delivery. The receptionist said she was getting prepped for the csection. Ryan continued to text me while we were waiting. I told him if they hadn't started that we would like to come back there. Next, a nurse from the OR came to get us. She explained that the babies were head down and they were going to try vaginal first. We had to get dressed into a jump suit, mask, hair net, and booties. I walked into the OR and saw Jade shaking on the table. They gave me a chair to sit right next her and I just rubbed her forehead and kept asking her if she was okay. The doctor explained that when she came in that she was 9 cm dilated. Once they got her an epidural and ready for labor, the doctor broke her water and she began to push. I sat right next to her cheering her own to push. I kept telling her how thankful I was for her and how I could never do this. I have to say that I was worried about the health of my babies but I was super concerned with her not having to do a c-section. I kept watching the doctors face and I could see that Jade was getting tired. I kept cheering her on to push and kept telling her she could do this. The next thing I know, Zoey was born at 807am. She was so long and so big for a twin. She was perfect in every way you could imagine. She weighed 5 lbs and 5oz. The OR nurses did such a good job of making us feel so important as parents. I got to cut the cord for Zoey, we got her foot prints on our shirts, and got to take pictures with her. While we had all our attention on Zoey, I could tell that something was going on in the background. Miss Kinsley Avis decided she finally had enough room that she would flip feet first. The doctor had to flip her back head down and when they did it pushed her back up. Jade had to push to get her back in the canal and then push to get her out. It took an 1.5 hours to do this. Jade was getting so tired but knew what she had to do and did it. Next thing we knew, Miss Kinsley Avis came into this world at 931am. She was beautiful and perfect but was having trouble breathing. Mikie got to cut her cord and they immediately gave her oxygen. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I didn't know what to think or what was really going on. She weighed 5.8lbs and 18.75 inches long. I was trying to enjoy my time with Kinsley but kept looking back at Jade. I had to go over to her and give her a big high five. I said, "You did it Jade, you had your vaginal delivery and you carried the girls longer than anyone thought. You proved so many people wrong and I'm so proud of you." She smiled really big and agreed. She wanted to see pictures of Zoey since the nurses took Zoey up to NICU. I showed her pictures and then we were off to NICU with Kinsley. We walked out into the waiting room where our big clan of family and friends were sitting. I think we took over the hospital that morning. They all ran over to Kinsley and took a few pictures. Mikie and I followed the nurses to NICU to their room. We got on the NICU floor and realized that the girls get their own room. I thought it was going to be one big room shared with other babies but not at this hospital. We got there and Zoey was sound asleep. The nurses began to give me all this paper work to fill out. I had to put special people on the list to come back to see the girls when Mikie and I werent there. I had to create a password to give the nurses over the phone to get any information on the girls. And....I had to do all of this times 2. LOL. Once we got the girls situated and all the paper work filled out then we went back to the L&D floor to bring family up three at a time. We were only allowed to have four people in the room at once. All of our family and friends were amazed at how beautiful the girls were and their size. It was a very long day at the hospital being there from about 630am til 1030pm. We didn't want to leave our babies side...it was the hardest thing to walk away from them that night.

The whole way home all Mikie and I could talk about is how we are parents. We couldn't believe that our day finally came. It was the most beautiful day EVER and an experience that I will NEVER forget. It brings tears to my eyes!

My girls spent 3 weeks in NICU. It was the most exhausting 3 weeks of my life. We formed relationship with some of the nurses and will never forget all they did for us and our girls. We got tired of sitting on the couch all day long, eating out was so over rated, and we just wanted our girls home. The girls were doing so well but they were too lazy to take a bottle for every feeding. People have the wrong perception of NICU and what determines a baby coming home. It is not weight or age...its all about maintaining their own temperature, gaining weight, and taking all 8 feedings from bottle. It is a lot of work for babies to get all of those down. They may maintain their own temperature but then they may lose weight from burning so many calories trying to stay warm. The bottle feedings is something that takes babies a little while too. The nurses kept telling us that a light bulb would go off in their brain and they would begin to suck down every bottle. I just didn't believe them because how could a baby just change one day....but boy they were right. Literally the girls went from not taking all their bottles to taking all of their bottles in 24 hours. Each feeding they took in a bottle was a big milestone and would put the biggest smile on our face. The first week they were in NICU, Mikie didn't go to work at all. He was right by our side the whole day. I love watching him be a father and all the nurses commented on how they've never met a Dad like him. I finally talked him into going back to work and letting me handle the mornings alone with them. My mom never missed a day so I was never really alone for long. When I started going up there alone, I began to do more skin to skin and that made a huge difference. Once I started doing that then the girls began to click on the bottles and the body temperature. I made sure to do that every morning that I was there. Each day the girls got better and better. Christmas rolled around and Santa came to visit them. It was so cute to get their picture done with him. He was not allowed to hold them for infection reasons but we still got him standing next to them. We spent Christmas at the hospital and left to do lunch at my sister's house. It was SOOOOOOOOOOO nice to eat home cooked food. We were so tired of eating out. The girls began to grasp everything the last week they were in the NICU. They were gaining weight, maintaining temperature, and began to take all of their bottles. I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The last night they were in the hospital, I was asked by the doctors to stay the night and get up with the girls at each of their feedings. I stayed up there and did it. I was so exhausted the next morning because the couch was NOT comfortable at all. It was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever slept on. LOL. The next morning, Mikie showed up with the car and car seats. We were ready to go HOME!!! The discharge papers were done quickly and we were on our way home by 12:00. We were smiling ear to ear the whole way to the car....we were FINALLY taking the girls home!!!!

I have to say that being home with the girls has been amazing. I enjoy being a stay at home mom! We have visitors daily, take naps, and mommy is able to clean house (WHICH I LOVE TO DO). Grandma and Grandpa live close by and come by often to see the girls. Grandma comes to the rescue when I need help too. Nana comes over once a week and we go to The Woodlands to see her. She has them spoiled rotten already...of course....spoiled like their momma!! :) We've had a few sleep overs at Nana's house too. I'm so thankful for all the help that we have received since we've gotten home. We've had friends cook dinner, bring us breakfast, etc. We are so blessed when it comes to friends! We take the girls out to dinner at least once a week and they are so well behaved. They only get fussy when it's time to eat....but who doesn't get a little cranky when it's time to eat! HA! I've had so much fun dressing them up, putting big bows on their head, and taking pictures. I'm so glad that I had girls because I don't know what I would do with boys. Mikie wanted a boy so bad when we started our journey but now he says that he is sooooooooooooooo glad that he had girls. He doesn't care if he ever has a boy or not. He will truly understand the meaning of Daddy's little girl now. He use to tease me about me being a spoiled daddy's girl and now he has two that will be spoiled daddy's girls! :):) I love it!

Jade is back to her little itty bitty size and now she is about to tip over from her HUGE boobs. LOL! She is pumping away and pumping over 100 ounces a day!!! (Another thing that some doubted her on)  We are so thankful that she is pumping to give our girls the best milk ever. She comes out to the house about once a week and I try to make a trip to Rosenberg as well. Our friendship has grown so much and I only see it growing even more. We only knew of each other and saw each other from time to time at Kristina's house. Jade has a unique personality and is NOTHING like me. She is so much like my sister. Throughout the surrogacy, we grew so close to each other. She is more than just my surrogate, more than the girls Auntie, and will be apart of our family forever!!! I'm so thankful for her and all that she has done for us. In the beginning, it was hard to accept the fact that I couldn't carry on my own but after watching the delivery....I'm okay with just having my babies handed over to me! HA! I had no recovery, no need to try to lose baby weight, and I still got my miracle babies!! Fertility issues SUCK....I'm not going to sugar coat it at all. It will be some of your toughest days. You will want to scream, cry, get angry at God, and give up. I beg all of you women out there NOT to give up. If you become a mother through IVF, IUI, adoption, surrogacy, etc....you are just as good of a mother as a woman who gets pregnant naturally....and really your bond with your baby will be even more special than those who get pregnant naturally because you've been through so much to have your baby. If you go through surrogacy, do everything you can to form the best relationship with your surrogate. Don't be afraid that they might get too "close" to your baby. A surrogate knows exactly what they are getting themselves into when they sign up. They also have to go through screening to make sure they aren't emotional like that. I have no worries at all that Jade is getting too close to my girls or too attached. She has a special bond with them because she carried them of course but she knows her boundaries. I think you should keep in contact with your surrogate as well. I know its different because Jade and I knew a little bit about each other prior. If you go through an agency, try staying in contact with your surrogate, send them pictures, etc. No one says they have to see your baby everyday but I think it's important to stay in contact. My girls will be told about our journey and they will know that Auntie Jade carried them. I have no shame that surrogacy was our route. It will just show my girls what extent I went to have them. And who knows.....maybe one day I'll still get pregnant on my own. No one says its impossible but just a little harder. Stay positive to your friends who are facing fertility issues. NEVER try to give them advice like, "keep your feet up for 30 minutes", "take a trip", "relax", etc. Obviously if a person realizes they have some fertility issues, then they have done EVERYTHING to try on their own. It may have worked for you, your friend, your cousin, your sister, etc but doesn't mean that it will work for everyone. AND, fertility issues is NOT God's way of saying you don't need to be a mom....that is a bunch of BS and people just hating. God wouldn't have created scientist, fertility drugs, or fertility doctors to help people become parents if that was the case. Stay positive and keep your head up. Your miracle baby will come and it will be the BEST damn day of your life!

Time is Flying....

I have been MIA when it comes to my blog. It is much easier to update facebook with a quick little status then it is to sit down and write. I miss blogging and had to remind myself what helped me get so far in my journey....MY BLOG! So today I decided to go ahead and update it.

The past few months have seemed to fly by and fly by FAST! It seems like yesterday that our feet were dragging the ground and we were trying to find the energy to get back up. I remember asking Jade everyday if her belly had grown any and her favorite come back was, "Well, I have a food belly but not really showing yet." Now when I see her I tell her, "Awe, your belly is getting bigger and bigger. I love it." She would love for her belly to stop growing and not feel so miserable but for me it is a sign that my babies are getting BIG!

Lets back track to our 20 week anatomy scan at the MFM doctor. My mom and sister joined us for this appointment. We checked into the labor and delivery floor to pay our copay. They walked us down to the doctor where we waited to be called back. I was so anxious and nervous because it was our first time to see a "high risk" doctor. We get called back and like a herd of cattle we headed to the ultrasound room. They asked all of us to turn off our phones and said that we could not take any pictures. I was a little bummed about that but they mentioned that we would receive a CD of pictures afterwards. I was amazed at how different their ultrasound machine was compared to the OB's machine. The pictures were so clear and the babies looked so big but in reality they were tiny. The ultrasound tech spent about an hour on each baby measuring everything. It was so neat to see all the body parts and measurements. Once she was finished, she asked a few questions and left the room to show the doctor the results. One of her questions was, "Have you tested for down syndrome?" I answered, "No, we opted out of that test because we had the embryos tested." When she left the room, I immediately told everyone that something didn't seem right. The doctor came in and introduced himself and said our doctor wanted extra pictures of the heart. I looked at him kind of strange and he said, "When patients go through IVF we take extra pictures of the hearts." I was thinking to myself that this seemed like a line of B.S. but he just didn't want to tell me the real reason. He spent another 30 minutes on taking pictures of Zoey and Kinsley's hearts. We all sat in complete silence and my heart kept sinking into my stomach. I knew he was going to have bad news but I was trying to stay positive. Once he finished the pictures he pointed out two bright spots on the hearts and said they are soft indicators for down syndrome. I told myself, don't cry, don't cry, stay positive. The entire time I'm pep talking to myself his mouth is moving 90 to nothing. I can see his lips move but I'm not hearing much of anything besides the words down syndrome. I finally lost it and began to cry. I felt like my whole world was falling apart in front of my eyes. I wasn't crying because I was ashamed or embarrassed that my kids might have down syndrome. I was crying because all I could think about is the struggle they would have growing up in life. At that moment, I realized how much love I had for two babies who barely even weighed a pound. I realized how much your own feelings go out the door and all you care about is how they will feel, what they will go through in life, and how you want nothing but the best for them. He offered for us to do a blood test and Jade agreed we should do that to have peace of mind. She was very positive and believed that there was nothing wrong but thought we should still do the test to help us sleep better at night. My sister gave me a big hug and told me that no matter what the outcome, our children will be loved the same. Aborting them never crossed my mind because I felt that God would give me the strength to be a mother to down syndrome children. After all, he gave me plenty of strength to go through what I had already been through. For the next few days all I could think about is the test results. Even though the doctor said there was only a 1% chance they did have down syndrome, we haven't had the best of luck during our baby journey and I felt like our bad luck was going to rub off again. Mikie was positive and said they will be his little princesses no matter what.  I swear those next few days I ran into more down syndrome kids than I have in my entire life. I couldn't help but smile when I saw them. My sister decided to google when she got home and she said she felt more at ease after she researched. She read online that the soft marker on the heart is not usually an indicator for down syndrome for Asians but she wasn't sure how that worked for Jade since the baby's DNA was ours. I wasn't sure either but felt even more at ease after my sister called to tell me that. Result day finally came and they said, "NO DOWN SYNDROME". I couldn't help but shed a few happy tears. Jade decided she would post a "happy" dance and post it on youtube. I swear that girl is crazy and I love every bit of her crazy! The same day we got the results, Dr. Kim called to talk to me. He had been out of town and wanted to talk to me about the news we received. He told me the same exact thing my sister had researched about Asians. I was so happy that he took time out of his hectic day to talk to me. I'm no longer under his care but he continues to keep up with our journey. He continues to reach out to me and answer any questions I have. I sure do miss going to his office and I miss having him as our doctor. If he could deliver our babies then I would definitely have him as our doctor. HA!

We've had a few OB appointments in between and everything has been great. They were pleased with the results from the anatomy scan and said the twins looked great. We were sent back to MFM for one more follow up appointment. When we went this time, the ultrasound tech had more personality and explained everything. She said she would grade our twins as an A and wished that all the twins were this perfect. Zoey and Kinsley are growing together and neither one of this is too big or too small. Zoey is approximately 1lb 7oz, which puts her in the 53rd percentile, with a heart rate of 139bpm. Kinsley is the chunkier little monkey, measuring approximately 1lb 9oz, 69th percentile, and heart rate of 149bpm. Both of those bright marks were still present on the hearts, but we can know with confidence now that it is nothing to be concerned about since the blood screening came back normal. I walked out of that appointment with a huge smile on my face. My babies are HEALTHY.

Jade has had a few extra things happening to her body over the last month or so. She has a lot of pressure in the pelvic area giving herself what she calls a "puffy taco" bahahaha! She also has a few busted blood vessels and feels like her body has defeated her lately. It is proving to be the most difficult pregnancy that she has experienced....of course because she has never been pregnant with twins. I feel so bad for her when she is at her weakest moments because if I could take the pain from her I would. She feels bad for having weak moments because she knows how bad I wanted to experience pregnancy. We sort of balance each other and work great as a team. She has agreed that her next surrogacy she will only allow them to transfer one embryo. She accepted the challenge of twins and can mark this one off her bucket list! She is apart of a huge surrogate family and they share a lot of maternity clothes, bands, stories, etc. She was given the cutest twin pregnancy shirt with two babies peeking through. Another surrogate passed down two belly bands for her to start wearing. The doctor recommended her to start trying to wear the band at least 3 hours a day to help with the pressure. She also started going to a chiropractor and it is helping her a lot. It help flipped the babies back to head down...boy was she excited about that. We also had a girlfriend from high school donate all of her super CUTE maternity clothes to Jade. Thank you again, Cassi Malota! I know it made Ryan happy that she isn't wearing yoga pants everyday! HA!

On Saturday, we had our 3D/4D ultrasound. It was so neat to have all of our family there to witness it all. Zoey and Kinsley have their daddy's lips and their mommy's chubby cheeks. I've never been into 3D/4D ultrasound but it kind of hits you a different way when it's your own baby/babies. Zoey was a picture hog and didn't want us to get any of Kinsley. She kept putting her hand in Kinsley's face and she had her legs wrapped around Kinsely's neck. They are in two separate sacs so they technically cannot touch each other but pretty close to it. Kinsley's head is right underneath Zoey's chin. They don't have much room in Jade's tiny body but they are making it work. During the ultrasound, they sure were kicking a lot and Jade would blurt out "Ouch". I swear they are going to come out kicking and fighting....I have no clue who they will get that from. HA!

After the ultrasound, we went to buy the baby mattresses for the cribs and went home to put them together. The room is painted and cribs are put together. We have our first baby shower this weekend in The Woodlands for all my work friends. It is getting closer and closer!!

I have to admit that I've had all sorts of emotions running through my head. I'm scared to death about becoming a mother and I don't know why. I feel bad for having all of these emotions and even saying it because I've wanted nothing more than to have a baby of my own. Everyone teases me about how they would have loved to have a surrogate mother and not have to deal with the pregnancy. I cant help but agree sometimes because pregnancy doesn't look like a bed of roses all the time but it's hard not experiencing it all too. I have not slowed down one bit.....I'm constantly on the go, have my few alcohol drinks at dinner, shopping til I drop, etc. I don't feel like I'm about to be a mom and that is what scares me. My life is going to instantly change one day and of course for the better but its going to be a shock. If I was pregnant, I would slowly start slowing down because I would be a big whale. LOL. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be a good mom, I wont be able to handle twins, wont be able to function on a few hours of sleep (because believe me I need my sleep), etc. I know I'm going to be able to handle it all and it's exactly what I signed up for but I'm scared to death. I wouldn't be as scared if it was only one baby but the twin thing has me a bit nervous. HA!

In between all the doctor appointments we have celebrated Hayden's 6th birthday and Jade's 25th birthday. We also had a little scare with Grandma Helm (Kristina & Ryan's grandma) but she seems to be doing a lot better. She has her days but overall she is a fighter. She is so anxious for Jade to have the twins and asks about them all the time. God is so good!!

Last week we went for Jade's glucose test and unfortunately she found out Monday that she failed it. We go back on this Friday for the three hour test. Please say a ton of prayers for her that she passes. She failed her glucose test with the last surrogacy but the three hour test she passed. We are hoping that she passes on Friday. She has been a little down and out about it but I know she is a fighter!

After spending a weekend talking and debating on what to do, I've decided to take a voluntary lay off packet at work. My last day will be on December 4th and I will stay home with my baby girls for a little bit. It was a very hard decision to make because the prime time in my career and my babies came at the same time. My job had big plans for me and I was excited to learn more and be promoted but being 70 miles away from home is not ideal when you have kids. I know my work is a little disappointed that they are losing me but they completely understand my position. I spent a week debating back and forth, crying a few tears, and finally realizing I'm making the right choice. I've had a job since the age of 14 and its going to be weird not working. I know I will have plenty to do with my girls and I'm excited to be able to stay home for a little bit. I won't stay home forever but going to enjoy a little break while I can and spend as much time as possible with Zoey and Kinsley.

Here are a few pictures from the last few appointments.....

My beautiful baby girls together in one picture

Kinsley covering her ears 

They are both head down

Kinsley trying to suck on her toes

Jade in her cute tshirt that was passed down

Jade with her new puppy JJ

Zoey Faye

Kinsley Avis

Celebrated my best friend's dirty 30th birthday!  

Jade with her new wreath that Laurie made her for her birthday.  She is in her adorable maternity clothes that Cassi gave her.  

Over Due Update!

I've been meaning to log on and update the blog. I always think about it when its 10pm and I'm ready for bed. There is a lot that has gone on since my last update. We've had a few doctor appointments, benefit, and Jade's belly is GROWING!!

I have to say that our benefit was a HUGE success. We are so glad that our sweet friends Joy and Eric Crosby talked us into doing it. We were sort of against doing it because we are not the type of people to ask for money from anyone. Joy explained to us that we aren't asking anyone who doesn't want to help. She said there are plenty of people who want to help you but they don't know how to help. She explained to us that we should take peoples generosity as a blessing....boy did we. Mikie's biggest fear was not having anyone show up to the benefit. He was a little stressed up until the day of the benefit. Joy, Kristina, Jade, and family kept reassuring us that everything will be perfect. We had to let go of the stress and believe what everyone was telling us. We started to slowly see all the support we had when we started receiving all sorts of donations. Joy, Kristina, and Jade helped get all the donations they could. Mikie was shocked when I kept filling up our spare room with donations for the auction. We spent a weekend selling raffle tickets in Sealy and in Rosenberg....that was another big hit. Joy's sister owns a t-shirt company and they designed the CUTEST t-shirts to sell....and that was another big hit. The day of the benefit arrived and our nerves were settling down and just anxious to see what happened. We had a BLAST. It was so much fun visiting with old friends, meeting new friends, and witnessing all the LOVE and SUPPORT we have. We knew we had a lot of support and love but the benefit really proved it to us. My in laws own a moonwalk company and they set up a bounce house for the kids to jump on. We had a lady who owned a snocone place contact us asking if she could come out to set up. She came out and the kids enjoyed eating their snocones and the adults did too. Jade decided to do a diaper raffle....if you brought a thing of diapers then you got entered into a raffle. We ended up with a ton of diapers and they were all different sizes. I was more excited about the diapers then anything. If you know Mikie then you know we are going to go through a TON of diapers. He wants his baby girls to have a clean booty. HA! My mom said that she was going to buy stock in wipes because she knows we are going to go through a ton. She watched how Mikie was with our niece. LOL. The food we sold at the benefit was delicious and I'm not even exaggerating. Joy's husband Eric can cook and I mean he could cook a piece of dirt and make it taste yummy. I do not like brisket at all because I cannot stand meat that has a lot of fat on it. I ate a bunch of brisket at the benefit because it was so good. Mikie was shocked that I ate it. He told Eric, "She would starve before she would eat brisket." We had a few briskets left and we decided to auction them off. My Aunt Brenda ended up buying one and my Uncle and cousins bragged about how delicious it was. We ended up doing a silent and live auction at the benefit. Both auctions were a success and the live auction was so much fun. My step mother in law, Laurie, made an ATM wreath and it went for high dollar....and she thought it wasn't her best work. She even had a few people that placed orders with her to make more wreaths.  Jade's husband is hilarious....he decided he would auction himself off for one free day of labor. My Aunt ended up buying him and she is going to have him help my Uncle work cows. The owners of Creekmore Bar put two big cans of beans in a box. They had Mikie take it up to the auctioneer and auction off the mystery box. It sold and it was hilarious as we watched the highest bidder open the box. Our auctioneer was funny to and he helped keep everyone's attention in the auction. My friend came to the auction who is a photographer and she took a ton of pictures. I was so thankful to have her there because I didn't take one picture with my phone. Overall, everything was a HUGE success. Mikie and I were speechless and overwhelmed with all of the LOVE and SUPPORT we received. It wouldn't have been possible without everyone's help, love, sweat, hard work, and support.

Our last doctor appointment was on Monday, August 10th. We received a very good update and got some awesome pictures of Zoey and Kinsley. It seems like Jade's pregnancy is going so smooth. I'm amazed at all the test they offer you to take to find out if your child has this or that. Mikie and I did the chromosome testing on the embryos prior to transfer. We did a lot of research on IVF and found that one of the number one reasons IVF doesn't work is because of issues with embryos. We decided to get them all tested and I'm glad we did. After having four unsuccessful transfers, I would have been beating myself up trying to figure out why it didn't work. We can at least rule out the bad embryos and go with that my body rejects foreign objects. I've explained to our OBGYN that I do not want to do any further testing. If I find out something now about Zoey or Kinsley it isn't going to change anything....I would still go through with the pregnancy. At our last appointment, Jade still had only gained about 3lbs. She weighed......103lbs. I cannot remember the last time I weighed that amount. HA! Our next appointment is on Friday, September 4th. We have an appointment with the high risk doctor to do our 20 week anatomy scan. I'm so excited and anxious for this appointment...especially since Jade's belly is getting BIG. I want to see how big my girls are! After our anatomy scan on Friday we have a follow up with our OBGYN the following week. I cannot believe that we are already going to be 20 weeks pregnant. It seems like yesterday that Jade was thanking Dr. Kim for "knocking her up". LOL.

Jade....where do I even begin with this woman! She has definitely made this journey end on such a good note. She constantly keeps me updated with pictures, videos, or symptoms. I really feel a great connection with her and even though I'm not carrying...I feel a great connection with my baby girls. I know everything they have been doing to Jade. I truly couldn't imagine having anyone else as my surrogate. She has been AMAZING! I love how big her heart is and how much she cares for others. I keep teasing her that she isn't done after they are born....I'm going to need help! She laughs but on a serious note I know she would help me out if I ask.....she is just that type of person. I do not know one person who has met her who doesn't like her. She has great sense of humor, big heart, and is a wonderful friend. Zoey and Kinsley are so lucky to have her as their Auntie Jade. And.....she loves the challenge of carrying twins with her little body. She cant wait to show everyone that she can do it!! :)

I've been having mixed emotions cross through my head. A few months ago, I began to feel scared and nervous. I've talked to my best friend who just had a baby about all my feelings. I told her that I felt stupid for saying or feeling these things because all I've wanted the past 3 years is a baby. She explained to me that I'm human and I can feel those things. It is scary and my life is going to change 100%. I'm not worried about my life changing but learning how to adjust to all the change. I'm constantly on the go and I never slow down but I'm going to have to learn to slow down. My friend explained that I will be too exhausted to constantly go. She said there will be days where you will want to give up because sometimes being a mom is tough...it is all part of the process and everyone mom goes through it. For me the hardest part is going to be asking for help because I always try to over do things or be superwoman. My friend explained how hard it was for her to ask for help as well. It has helped so much having a best friend that has gone through some life changes around the same time as me. Plus her and I are so much alike when it comes to a lot of things. I'm learning to allow myself to feel all of those emotions because I am human. Yes I went through a lot to have a baby and my dreams are coming true but that doesn't mean I cannot feel scared or nervous. Some people have asked me how I'm doing when it comes to me not carrying. You know at first when we decided the surrogate route...it killed me. All I thought about was not feeling a connection with my baby, not being able to witness the kicking, and not being able to witness my belly growing. Well....now....I don't feel those emotions very much because Jade has made me feel apart of everything. I think I've accepted the fact that I cannot carry. The more I hear about other pregnancies, I think to myself how I couldn't handle it. LOL. My cousin is fixing to have her baby in October and her boyfriend teases me saying, "How is your pregnancy going." The other night I went out to dinner with Mikie and ordered a margarita. I took a picture of it and sent it to her saying "This is how my pregnancy is going". Everyone in my family has helped me feel better about not being able to carry. They've supported me when I've had my down days about it. When we use to go to the doctor, I use to wish it was me on the table getting the ultrasound or embryos transferred....now I don't even think about it. All I think about is my two baby girls....no matter how they come into this world they are still MY babies. :)

Mikie and I are working on getting the back rooms cleaned out and windows replaced. We want to put in more energy efficient windows in the babies room and eventually throughout the house. He wants the best for his babies. I sort of scared him a couple of weeks ago. He was talking about all that he wants to do and I said "When do you plan on doing all of this" He said, "I don't know in the next month or so" I said, "You do realize that we need to have things ready sooner than January because anything could happen and she could have those babies sooner." He jumped on the ball last week and started ordering windows. LOL. I love my husband to death but you know how men are....they take forever to do anything around the house. I had to light a fire under his tail, otherwise, it will never get done.

Last weekend, I went shopping with two friends to pick out all the room décor. We decided to go with pink, grey, white, and gold. We loaded up two baskets full of signs and decorations from Hobby Lobby. Now we have to decide on what color to paint the walls so I can get that done before they come over to hang up everything. I'm not crafty at all; therefore, I'm leaving all that to Kristina and Kayla. They love to do stuff like this and I'm excited to use their talent. Once we get the room painted, signs hung up, and the cribs ordered....I will really start feeling all sorts of emotions. I'm already anxious for them to be here but I will be even more anxious! HA! I have a few plastic tubs in the spare room that are slowly getting full with gifts they have received. Our baby showers are coming up in October, another one in November, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and then its time for the girls to arrive!!!!! Time is flying by.

Last week, I stayed at my parents house because I had to work long hours. My mom was so excited and called me to ask me if I needed anything specific from the grocery store. She tells me not to make my bed when I leave in the morning that she will do it. My dad calls me the first night I'm going to stay there to ask me if I wanted to go to dinner. They were both very excited about having me for the week. I told my coworkers, "I better enjoy this because as soon as Zoey and Kinsley arrive I will be chop liver." HA! My parents within the next year or so want to move back this way. They are looking at houses in Richmond and Katy....I'm on cloud 9. I wish they were moving back tomorrow! HA! My sister finally got a house in Pearland and she will be closer as well. She is also building a pool in her backyard and talks about how Zoey and Kinsley will have a place to swim during the summer. I told Mikie, "Our little girls are going to spoiled rotten."

I cannot believe how fast time is flying by. I'm so anxious to meet my sweet little Zoey and Kinsley. I cannot wait to hold them in my arms that have long awaited for a baby to hold. Thank you again for all of your love and support. Our journey has been a long one but worth every tear, every penny, and every laugh.

My beautiful girls from our last ultrasound.

Huge success on our diaper raffle! 

Jade's belly is GROWING! 

A comparison between singleton and twins.

All three of these women have been here for me throughout my journey. We celebrated Baby White last weekend. I cannot wait to meet my nephew. 

Joy, a woman who has been there for me through my entire journey. She has been nothing but nice to me since I moved Sealy and met her. She is always there for me. We were selling raffle tickets in Sealy. 

Mikie couldn't believe he was told to pose this way! Hahahaha! 

Our journey has been nothing but fun with this couple! 

Our crazy/fun surrogate...Auntie Jade! 

My handsome nephew breaking in Zoey and Kinsley new blankets that their Aunt Nina bought them! :) 

Zoey and Kinsley are head down facing each other at our last appointment! 

All three of these women have been some of my biggest supporters. I'm using their talent to decorate the girls room! My girls are so lucky to have all three of them as their Auntie! 

Graduation Day

Last Monday was our graduation day from the fertility clinic. I thought I was emotionally prepared but I wasnt. We walked in and let Jade get changed. We stood outside in the hall talking with the nurse. When Jade said she was ready the nurse followed us in and I said with a sad voice, "Where is Dr. Kim?" She told me he was running late from surgery and should be there soon. She asked me if I wanted to wait on him. I think at first she thought I didn't want her to do the ultrasound. I said, "Oh no you can do the ultrasound. I just wanted to tell him bye since it's our last appointment." I could feel the emotions coming when I said that. All I could think about was not being able to see him for my last appointment. She began the ultrasound and we saw Baby A. Oh my goodness has she grown and she was so active. We watched her kick and move all around. Her nose and ears looked so perfect and her heartbeat sounded just as beautiful as it always does. Mikie's face was priceless. He watched the video of our last appointment since he was sick but it is a different experience when you are actually at the appointment. Lisa (the nurse) took her time with Baby A and pointed out all her body parts that had formed. She was fixing to move to Baby B and there was a knock on the door.....IT WAS DR KIM!!!!! He said, "Do you mind if I join?" Of course we didn't and Jade she has no shame. The more the merry. We watched Baby B and then sat in the room talking. Dr. Kim explained to us not to fear that the babies are being squished. He explained how it all worked with twins and stuff. After we talked in the room, we all left so Jade could get dressed. Lisa presented me with a cute bag full of goodies that included two onesies with their logo. My little girls will proudly wear those onesies. If it wasn't for God or HFI they wouldn't be here! Dr. Kim gave me a hug and the tears began. I thought I was prepared mentally but I wasnt. I couldn't stop the tears and began to cry. I almost had them all in tears. Mikie was rubbing my back and knew I was going to cry. He explained to Ryan how close I've gotten to all the staff in the year and half I've been there. I told them all with tears in my eyes, "This wouldn't be so hard if I would have stayed pregnant the first or second time. Its been over a year and I've grown so close to all of you. I looked forward to this day but not so much once I got attached." Dr. Kim told us he is only a phone call away if we need anything. The entire office plans on attending our benefit. I have all of them on my Facebook and will keep in touch. It won't be the same and I will miss all their smiling faces. They are truly a major part of why we continued to push through. If it wasn't for their smiles, hugs, support, and passion for their job....I would have QUIT. I look back on day one when I had to give 13 vials of blood. I thought I was going to faint but Vanessa sat with me and talked to me the whole time. We talked about shopping, drinks, etc...I never even thought about the needle being in my arm. I think about stepping into the office after each failed cycle with tears in my eyes...Lisa and Vanessa would meet me with great big hugs. I think about all the times they would pick on Mikie about giving blood. They loved to tease him about anything and everything. I think about Dr. Kim being lost for words after this last miscarriage. He knew there was nothing he could say or do to help me stop crying. He told me he understood if I wanted to get a second opinion....heck that made me cry more. I told him I didn't want any other doctor and I didn't blame him one bit. I'm so glad I stuck with Dr. Kim and his staff. I pushed through when I had no fight left in me. I was zombie in the day. I woke up just because God let me live another day but I was only going through the motions. I pumped and pumped my body with medicine until literally I couldn't do it anymore and didn't want to face disappointment. Dr Kim supported me during the whole surrogacy and immediately Jade saw the connection I had with the office. The day I dreamed of and anxiously counted down for at the beginning was finally here...graduation day. It was a bittersweet day! I will NEVER forget Dr. Kim and all his staff. They will always have a special spot in my heart.

We got Jade signed up for an individual insurance policy!!!! Yay!!!! The stress of medical coverage is gone...I don't have to worry about cobra or paying out of pocket. Paying out of pocket doesn't sound so bad until you think about the unknown things. Jade could be put on hospital bed rest or anything. We needed the coverage for unexpected cost like that. I'm so relieved we got it!

Jade, Ryan, and Hayden came to our house for the 4th of July. Mikie cooked and we all hung out. My parents were coming through town and stopped by to meet Jade. My dad let Ryan take his corvette for a spin while my mom visited with Jade. I was so excited they finally got to meet her and her family. Later in the day, Mikie's dad and Laurie came over to meet them as well. Our family has finally met her and they all love her! 😊 Ryan and Hayden rode the four wheeler all through the pasture and down the driveway. Jade and I worked on the board and decided to finally announce the names. We only told our family and some of them couldnt keep a secret and they were told to others.  We decided to announce and next time we will keep the names to ourselves!!! 😁Mikie and I have always had one girl name picked out and that was Zoey. When we found out we were having twin girls, I started to change my mind on names. I wanted the names to rhyme. I picked out three names ending in -ley. I decided that it would be too big of a tongue twister to have two names ending in ley. Mikie and I agreed on Kinsley and Zoey. I looked at all kinds of name apps. You could look up names starting with a certain letter or names ending a certain way. Everyone has asked how we know they are both girls. During IVF you have the option to do chromosome testing. One of the main reasons IVF doesn't work is because of chromosome issues. In the process of testing the chromosomes they find out if it's a boy or girl. You can opt out not to know but we couldn't wait to find out. We ended up with 10 girls and 4 boys. My husband is a girl producing machine. We used all the boys in previous transfers and only had girls left. We have heard about some couples finding out the embryo was a different gender. We have a boy name picked just in case but we are almost 99% sure they are both girls.

I couldn't wait to touch Jade's belly on Saturday. Ryan had called me later in the week to tell me that her belly had grown. I immediately had to see it when she got to my house. I pushed on her belly and it was soft. Mikie even touched her belly and wasn't weird about it either. I was worried about him with the whole surrogacy. I didn't know how he would react being in the same room when she is partly undressed or touching her belly. I think he is just so excited about his two princesses that he let's everything else go out the window. He has been researching girl beds/rooms. He found two princess beds that he wants to build or buy for the girls. I smile and laugh to myself....I never dreamed of this day with my husband. I never dreamed of the big manly side of him to melt down the way it does about his two girls. I've always explained to people he has a soft side and he has started to show is soft side more to people. I love his soft and calm side.

Today Jade made our appointment for the high risk doctor. We will go on September 4th for the anatomy scan. We are excited and can't wait. Heck actually I'm just ready for the July 15th appointment. I got so use to going every week that it's killing me. Today Jade took video of her finding the babies' heartbeats with the at home doppler we have. It seems like Kinsley is going to always be stubborn when it comes to finding her heartbeat. She is going to have her mommie's personality for sure. I'm so stubborn and was especially stubborn in my younger days! Lord help us now! 😂😂

We ordered the raffle tickets and they will be ready on Friday. I'm so excited to start selling them. We are coming along with live auction donations as well. I have a feeling that it's going to be a great fundraiser. I'm so thankful for our friends and family who have helped us out so much. We will never be able to thank you enough. I've had alot of people ask me how I am able to speak out about my journey. I show my weaknesses, my flaws, and all of my feelings. I decided to speak out because I knew eventually people would find out about my journey...why not be the one who tells them the story and the TRUTH of it all. I didn't think anyone should hear the story from others but to be able to read it for themselves. I wanted to help other women who are going down the same path to realize they aren't alone....for them to see the feelings they are feeling are normal. We all try to hide things they may show us hit rock bottom. I don't care what people think about me or their opinions. It means nothing to me. I know my true followers and supporters will support me and that is all that matters. Yes people follow my blog who really just want to read about my failures and want to make fun of how I can't conceive.....that is fine. Continue to read and make fun of  me because it means nothing to me and jealousy looks sick on you. I know alot of women who fight this battle everyday with their inlaws, friends, or enemies. Dont try to make them understand but just shake them off. I've learned that misery loves company and some people's misery will NEVER gain my company. Dont try to paint an image for others because the truth is this journey is tough!!! You need all the support you can get and the more open you are about it...the more supporters you will gain.

Thank you to everyone for all of your continued support. I know some of you have reached out to me saying you feel like a "stalker" for following my story. Please don't feel like a stalker and thank you for reaching out to me and for all of your support. Mikie and I will never be able to thank all of you for your support. We seriously have the BEST support system around!!!! 😊

Baby A...Baby B was being too stubborn to get a good picture. 

Jade and I before the firework show! 

Ryan and Hayden having fun on the 4 wheeler 

She has grown!!! Zoey and Kinsley are the size of limes now! 

I love my little sister!! 

Her belly is growing. I couldn't keep my hands off of it! 

Hayden had to sit in my dad's corvette this weekend. He loved it! 

Two Appointments in one week

Last week was a very eventful week with two doctor appointments and two ultrasounds. Sunday night, Mikie woke up sick with a stomach virus. He was not able to go the appointment with us on Monday. He hardly ever gets sick but you know he is feeling really bad if he skips a doctors appointment. Makayla (Mikies little sister) stayed the night with us on Sunday. I invited her to go with us to the doctor to hear the heartbeats. Her whole face lit up with a huge smile when I asked her. Her and I pulled into the parking lot at the same time that Jade did. I normally wear yoga pants and a tshirt to the doctor but for some reason I dressed up. Jade lives in yoga pants and workout tanks but she had dressed up as well. It is so funny how much her and I do some of the same things at the same time. We went into the room and got ready for Dr. Kim to come in. Mikie told Makayla to video the entire appointment. I have to cut my video shorts because they won't post if they are too long. Dr. Kim comes in and begins doing the ultrasound and I couldn't believe my eyes. My baby girls had little nubs for arms and legs. They were waving and moving all around. Makayla went into shock because she couldn't believe what she was seeing either. Ha! Dr. Kim teased Jade and asked her if she ate any sugar. She said she ate a bowl of fruity pebbles. All I could think about is how I wished Mikie was seeing all this but then I remembered Makayla was video recording the entire thing. They informed Jade she could stop taking the estrogen pills but needed to continue taking the progesterone inserts...or as Jade calls them "coochie pills" lol. The nurse said that next Monday would be our last appointment. I wanted to cry when she said that. It will be an emotional day for me. I know you go to a specialist with the anxious day of "graduating" to an OB but I've grown way too close to Dr. Kim and his staff. I think it would have been easier to walk away if I would have stayed pregnant the first or second time. The truth is our journey took much longer to get to our ultimate goal. I'm very excited that our pregnancy is moving forward but I don't want to leave them. A part of me wants to fall to the floor and throw a fit until Dr. Kim says, "Ok, I'll deliver your baby." Ha! But unfortunately he won't be able to. It won't be a goodbye but more like, I will see you later. I know they will come see our babies in the hospital, they follow our blog and facebook page, and they plan on coming to our benefit. It is just so hard to let go when I've grown so attached to all of them. Dr. Kim and his staff have treated us like family and have felt every emotion we have felt during the journey. When I showed up at an appointment in tears, you could see the tears forming in their eyes. Dr. Kim successfully helped us make our dreams reality and we will never be able to thank him enough. If you are reading this blog and know that you need to see a specialist but havent....I highly recommend you to call Dr. Kim at Houston Fertility Specialist. He will help your dreams become reality and he will be by your side through it all. I recently had a friend go for her consultation with him. She loved him and I was so glad she did. I brag about him all the time but you won't truly understand how wonderful he is until you meet him.

We got home from the appointment and showed Mikie the video Makayla took of the appointment. He smiled ear to ear as he watched it and couldn't believe how much they had grown.

Tuesday was our first OB appointment. Mikie was still not feeling well and we didn't want to risk the chance of him passing anything to Jade so I went alone. Some of you know that Ryan lost his job at the end of May due to the oil industry. He lost insurance coverage and has been waiting on the packet for cobra insurance. Jade called me Tuesday to inform me that the doctor visit was going to cost 481.00. She asked if I needed to cancel or did I still want to go. I told her that I would pay out of pocket.  I met Jade in a store parking lot and carpooled with her, Ryan, and Hayden. We parked in the parking garage but got a little lost trying to find the doctors office. We arrived just on time to check in. I paid for the visit and we waited to be called back. While in the waiting room, Ryan called to find out about the cobra insurance. They emailed him a form and we have until August to fill it out. To cover Jade only it will cost about 600.00/month....ouch!! One of the stipulations in the surrogate contract is about insurance coverage. Mikie and I are responsible to get her insurance until Ryan gets another job or pay out of pocket for everything. As my head is exploding with thoughts, the nurse calls us back. I push everything to the back of my head and concentrate on the appointment. The doctor comes in to meet us and to do the first ultrasound. During the ultrasound, Baby B was being "stubborn" as she called. I laughed to myself and thought..hmm she will be like her momma. I asked her a million questions and she took her time to answer them all. She wasn't in a rush and was very sweet. I was pleased with Jade's choice in doctor. The doctor will not let Jade go past 38 weeks; therefore, the baby girls will be here Jan 8th or sooner. Dr. Tejml also stated that our appointments will be every 3 weeks and we would get an ultrasound at every appointment. Once Jade reaches a certain spot in her pregnancy then we will switch to every week. For the anatomy scan, we will be sent to a high risk doctor because of them being twins. The doctor believes that will be our only appointment we have with a high risk doctor if every thing else goes smoothly. After meeting with the doctor, we met with the financial lady. We went over options of paying out of pocket versus cobra insurance. She spoke with us for a while and helped us analyze it all. My head wanted to explode and I wanted to burst in tears with stress. At that point, all I wished for was for Mikie to be there. He has a way to make all situations seem okay. I stress alot about money and I mean ALOT. You would think that I grew up really poor or something. I'm so cheap and hate to spend money. I mean don't get me wrong...I'll shop and do some stuff but I'm still cheap. My mom teases me saying that I squeak when I walk and Mikie says I act like we live penny to penny. I can't help it...I've always been this way. Ryan feels horrible because he is the one who lost his job but it wasn't something he could control. We know he will find another job and get insurance but we have to be prepared for the worse. After the appointment, we all went to lunch before heading home.

I told Mikie all about the appointment and we talked about the finances. He could tell I had been crying. He comforted me and told me that everything will work out. He gets stressed about it a little but he has a way to hide his stress from me. He would go work 10 jobs if he had to. I love how hard he works for our family. Prior to getting home, I ended up bawling my eyes out to my mom about everything. I think all the stress got to me and became over whelming. Of course she always has a way to calm me down and constantly reminds me that all of this will be worth it. She tells me all the time that these days won't matter to me when I'm holding my babies. She is correct but I still carry the stress on my shoulders. I'm so blessed to have two babies on the way but none of this is easy. You truly don't understand what couples go through financially when it comes to fertility. Most couples hock their house, cars, and anything else they have. We've been blessed to get the money without doing all that but we still have to pay it back. I don't understand why insurance won't help cover the expenses we've gone through.. its a joke and so frustrating.

 We are looking into an individual insurance plan for Jade. It is alot cheaper than cobra and we should know more about it next week.

 We've been hanging up flyers for the benefit that will be held on August 15th. We've had several friends take flyers to hang up as well. If you want a flyer or a copy of it, let me know. I can drop some off or email you a copy of it to print out. We will have raffle tickets to sell in a few weeks. There will be a live auction, bounce house for kids, and  BBQ plates will be sold. You can contact Joy, Jade, Kristina, or myself if you would like to donate an auction item or meat for the BBQ plates. We've received alot of items and will continue to collect items up until the day of the benefit. Again, Mikie and I will never be able to thank you all for the support. Our little girls are being LOVED already.

Last week was exciting and stressful but I know everything will work out. I'm keeping my eyes on the prizes and everything else will fall into place. I want to thank all of you for continued support and love. We still have the BEST support system ever. All of the support means a ton to us.

I have the BEST surro mom ever. I couldn't imagine any other woman carrying my children. We have great communication with each other on every subject. She is still feeling nauseous but overall is doing well. Mikie and I will never be able to thank her enough for helping make our dreams reality. 

My little sister and I on the way to the doctor on Monday. She is so excited to become an Aunt again. I know our babies will be so spoiled by her. 

For Father's Day, my father and I went on a road trip to Golden Nugget in Louisiana in his corvette. He is like a 16 year old boy in his corvette. We had a great time and it reminded me alot of my younger days in his old corvette. I also kept thinking about our relationship and how excited I am for my girls to have him as a Papa. They will be wrapped around his finger just like me. I also couldn't help but think about my girls having the same bond with Mikie as I do my dad. Mikie will truly understand the meaning "daddy's little girl". :) 

I feel like myself again....I'm BLONDE again. Yay! 

Our two babies!!! :) Look at those little arms and legs. :) 

My best friend and I supporting a hero named Jace who is flying high in heaven with his sister. I know his family misses him so much but he is one handsome guardian angel. 

I get to call this handsome boy my nephew. He is wearing the new onesie I got him. Dont make me call my Aunt. Ha! I love him! 

Blessed Times Two

Every week we continue to get good reports. The baby girls hearts are beating at a great pace. The sound is absolutely beautiful. I wish you all could see my husband's face during the appointments..  it is priceless. He is extremely happy and each appointment brings reassurance that this is REAL. I'm still not going to lie, we continue to walk on egg shells. We will feel much more relieved when we get out of the first trimester or heck when the babies are born. Jade didn't make it to eight weeks with twins on her last surrogacy...BUT this time she has. She did mention that another surro mom lost a twin at 10 weeks. We are staying hopeful that our baby girls continue to grow. One is measuring 8 weeks and the other is measuring 8 weeks 2 days. I have faith that they will continue to grow but we have to know that anything can happen. Mikie and I have agreed on two beautiful names. I cannot wait to announce them to everyone. I want to wait until we are in the safe zone.

I picked up my precious niece on Friday night to spend the weekend with us. It has been over a month since she has come to stay. We stayed on the move literally all weekend long. Saturday morning we went to my cousin's nail salon party. Audrina got her toes and fingers nails painted. She loved hanging out with the "big" girls. We went to lunch with all of them afterwards. When we were leaving in the car she said, "Auntie, I like your friends." It was so cute. We went to see my mother in law and she met my best friend Kristina and my nephew Hutch. She absolutely loves babies. She had to hold him and kept saying how cute he was. Sunday we had Hutch's baptism, baptism party, and I promised her we would go swimming. She was so good in church until the end she blurted out, "I need to go poop." Lol. After church and the party we went to my mother in laws house to swim. It was so neat to see how my mother in law was with her in the pool. She doesn't normally do these types of things but adores Audrina. Mikie and I smiled and asked, "Are you ready for two of these?" Lol. I don't think any of us are fully prepared for two at once. I know once they get here it will be different but I'm so nervous. I had Audrina practice the names we picked out. She said they are her baby cousins/sisters. Ha! I do have to say that Audrina holds a very special spot in our heart. She has taught us so much about parenting, love, life, and how to be patient. She will always be the first little girl who stole our heart. She has prepared us for our own children and will always hold a special spot in our hearts. We sure will miss her when she moves in August but we are so happy for her and her mother.

Jade is still having the same symptoms. She has to eat small meals and eat more often. She isnt showing that much but does have a little pudge. She was out swimming today and asked her family " Do I look pregnant?" They responded, "No you just look bloated." Jade said, "Dammit, I hate that in between stage where you just look fat." Bahahaha. We did find out on Friday that her OB has moved to Friendswood. We keep hitting little bumps in the road with cobra insurance to OB moving. I keep reminding myself that things could be worse and at least we still have our baby girls. It wouldn't be a  Fisher journey if there weren't a few bumps in the road. Jade was completely heart broken. I posted asking for reviews on OB doctors.

1. Jade wants a female
2. Jade wants a doctor who doesn't jump to c-section immediately just because she is pregnant with twins.
3. The doctor must deliver in a level 3 NICU hospital. (Our contract specifies that)

We got great reviews from our post but ran into a few problems. They either had a long wait period to get in, doctor doesn't deliver in a level 3 NICU center, and they want records and have to approve her. We decided to call back the same clinic her doctor left and schedule with another doctor there. The doctor we chose is one who filled in for Jade's old doctor a few times. We get to meet her on tuesday, June 23rd. I can't believe we are already getting to see an OB. I told Dr. Kim "I'm so sad we are going to be leaving soon. Are you sure you don't want to deliver my baby?" I love our doctor so much and hate to leave his office. The nurses and receptionist have become our friends and family. I can't believe we've been there over a year.

So, next week we go to fertility clinic on Monday and OB on Tuesday. I hope Jade likes the OB and everything goes smooth. Thank you again to you all for your continues support, love, and prayers. We are so lucky to have all of you by our side throughout this journey. I started speaking out about my journey for therapy and healing for myself, to let others know they aren't alone, and to help others reach out about their journey. I've had several people I know reach out to me about their struggle with fertility. I've had others reach out to my friends. I urge all of you to reach out to someone. Its a tough journey but sometimes you need someone else to talk to besides your spouse. I can tell Mikie anything, cry on his shoulder, scream in his face, or whatever and he continues to be by my side...but sometimes I need a friend or mom to talk to. You need the same if you are struggling. Dont be ashamed of your journey....YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Don't be ashamed if you told yourself that you would never do IVF or IUI if it came down to it. I said the same thing but you never truly know what you would do until you are faced with it. I don't regret any of the money I've spent, the tears I've shed, the weight I gained, the number of transfers I did, etc. I have a dream and a goal to be a mommy and I would do it all over again. Never give up!!! You don't want to live with the "what ifs".

Mikie and I at the pool with our little niece. Crazy to think that we will soon have family pictures with two Baby girls! 

Baby B

Baby A

All dressed in her fourth of July dress. 

Its hard work being a princess

Hayden graduated prek. I love this picture because my baby girls are in it too. The Ohl family will forver be apart of the Fisher family. 

Baby A and Baby B 

Hutch's baptism. I was one proud Aunt on Sunday. 

Aunties two little babies. I love these two to pieces.